Stepping stones on the path to love
by TKR.87
Summary: Alex Cabot had fallen in love with Olivia Benson, but Olivia was straight wasn't she? Olivia had been having strange feelings for Alex, but Alex wasn't gay, was she? Will they admit there feelings to themselves and each other or will life get in the way of a relationship that was meant to be? Eventual A/0
1. Take-Out

**Disclaimer: I unfortunately do not own the characters of SVU. Any Original Characters are figments of my own imagination. **

**AN: I'd had this story in the works before I uploaded my other story, but have tweaked it a little to make it better. All scenes are my own, and all cases and victims, although slightly based from the show are also my own. **

**Stepping stones on the path to love. **

**Chapter 1- Take-Out**

The night air is chill, it carries a gentle wind that catches the trees in its fight to find direction. On the almost empty path through Central Park Assistant District Attorney Alexandra Cabot is making her way home, she doesn't usually cut through the park late in the evening, she is fully aware of the dangers of the city, she prosecutes the exact same people that you might find lurking behind a tree waiting to attack. Abusers, rapists, child molesters, killers, she's met them all and she knows, she knows that walking through a park on your own is like asking for trouble, but still, tonight her mind is anywhere but focused, tonight she needed the comfort on being alone, for she was lonely and tired. She was also, as she had realised a few hours previous in love. But that one person was certainly not repaying the same feelings. Their relationship was strictly business, with a few snaps of friendship that Alex found herself trying to catch, trying to instigate, trying to understand.

As she nears the exit closest to home, she sighs, bring her hand to her beach sand blonde hair and running her fingers through it. She notices a young couple walking ahead of her, their hands interlocked, it seems that couples are everywhere when you are hopelessly in love.

As Alex exits the park her cell phone rings, she recognises the tune as NYC Cops by The Strokes, she smiles and laughs a little, she heard this song a while back and it reminded her of Detective Olivia Benson, so she had to set it as her ring tone for whenever she called.

"Cabot" she answered, this was the standard way for a Detective or ADA to answer the phone, the city never sleeps, and sometimes she'd be called with work business at the most random of times.

"Hey Alex. It's Olivia. You're not home yet?" It was a statement not a question

"Um, no. I've just left Central Park, I'll be home in like five Minutes" she replied, wondering why on earth Olivia would know she wasn't home

"Jesus, Alex. What are you doing walking through Central Park at Half Eight!? I'm at your apartment, I wondered if you fancied take out" came the serious voice from the phone

"I fancied a walk, and yes, take out sounds good. I'm just approaching home now, see you in a couple" Alex replied and ended the call, her heart was beating fast, her hands were sweaty and she was just a little excited.

Yes, Detective Olivia Benson, she was the person Alex had realised she was in love with. And yes, Olivia was definitely straight. Alex thought about the guys that Olivia had dated, there was Cassidy, there was Kurt, and there was David. They were guys, they were men and Alex was a woman, she was definitely a woman and as a woman, she believed she had no chance.

Riding the Elevator to the 3rd floor, in which she owned a fair sized apartment Alex attempted to calm herself, it was only take-out, they'd had take-out many a time, in her apartment, at Olivia's, in the office, in the squad room of the 1-6. This was nothing new, but this feeling was, the fluttering of what felt like a thousand butterflies deep in her stomach, the extra beats of her heart, this feeling was certainly new. But Alex wasn't sure she liked it, it frightened her.

As the elevator doors opened, Alex caught sight of the well built brown haired detective, leaning against the wall, a paper bag that no doubt held dinner in her hand. She was wearing her black pants, maroon shirt, and beige leather jacket, that jacket always looked good on Olivia, she'd had it for years, it may have been well worn but it still looked amazing.

"Alex!" she exclaimed as Alex walked towards her, her blonde hair gracing her shoulders, her walk confident yet to Olivia utterly sexy. You see, Alex might have thought that Olivia was straight, and that may be the case, but Olivia knew that she felt something deeper for the ADA, she just wasn't sure what is was, yet she was drawn to her in a way she had never before been to anyone, she found her incredibly beautiful and would often be drawn to watch Alex as she worked, as she cut deals, as she stood in the courtroom and said "ADA Alexandra Cabot, for the people of New York", yes, Olivia did feel something for the blonde, and here she stood, utterly annoyed that Alex would even consider walking through Central Park alone at this time. "What were you doing in Central Park, have you not heard of a Taxi?"

"Taxi Drivers can be rapists, and killers too, you know Olivia, they don't all hang out in the park" Alex retorts, she knows Olivia is only looking out for her, she's a damn good detective and doing the jobs they do, they've seen more than most, they know the world is ugly, they've seen it, experienced it, although understand it they do not.

"Fair Point, but just be careful. You don't usually walk" she says, you see, usually Alex takes a cab anywhere, usually she cannot be bothered to walk after a long day at the office or in court, usually she wouldn't even consider walking, but tonight, she needed air, she needed space and yet here she was, with the one person she was trying to get space from.

Alex unlocked the door to her apartment, she switched the lights and placed her briefcase and purse on the kitchen counter. Her apartment was a two bedroom, two bathroom. The walls in the living room were plain white, she didn't have any personal photographs lining the fireplace. She had a leather couch, and a matching arm chair, she had a small coffee table made of oak, her 30" plasma was wall mounted, and her DVD collection was extensive. The kitchen was large, but mainly unused, Alex was a hazard in a kitchen, once setting fire to an oven. Her own bedroom was a haven, a place away from the office where she could really relax. The walls were a light green, her king size bed sat in the middle of the room, two oak cabinets either side and a large walk in closet. The bathroom was en suite, consisting of a bath, shower and foot spa, it was elegant yet classy. The spare room was simple, white walls with a king size bed and the bathroom in which accompanied it, was as beautiful as her own en suite, albeit a little smaller. She had an office, in which sat a desk, filing cabinets and a large bookcase that lined the walls with everything from romance novels, to law books and stories from her childhood.

Alex took two plates from the kitchen as Olivia handed her the bag, they'd always had a soft spot for Chinese, and Olivia knew that Alex was partial to Duck in Plum Sauce.

"Make yourself at home Olivia" Alex instructed, and Olivia complied, removing her jacket and settling herself onto the couch. She watched Alex dish up the food, she poured two glasses of wine and sat them down on the table in front of Olivia, she then handed a plate to the brunette and sat down beside her, the space between them comfortable, friendly without being intimate.

"So, what brings you here Olivia?" Alex asked taking a forkful of the duck to her lips, "Apart from bringing me take-out?"

"Do I need a reason to spend some time with my favourite ADA?" Olivia said, smiling, she took a sip of her wine.

"I guess not. I like your company, so its win-win all the way" Alex playfully replied, nudging Olivia, who promptly spilt her wine, "Oh, I am so sorry, Olivia!" Alex emitted in surprise and embarrassment.

"It's fine. It's fine. It's not like I don't have any other pants at home" Olivia laughed

Alex relaxed a little, her cheeks flushed with embarrassment. "I'll get some kitchen cloths"

Alex returned a few seconds later with a wad of paper towels, handing them to Olivia, who promptly tore of a couple and began dabbing at the wetness on her pants.

Both woman finished their meals in an awkward silence. From Olivia's point of view, she wasn't all that bothered about a little bit of wetness of the leg of her pants, but knew that Alex had been utterly embarrassed by the accident, and Alex being Alex was mentally beating herself up about being clumsy and nervous.

After meals had been eaten, wine had been drunk, Olivia glanced at her watch, "I'd better be off Alex, it's already gone a quarter past nine" she said standing up to leave, she picked up her jacket, from the arm of the couch.

"Well, thank you for dinner Olivia. I'll no doubt see you tomorrow" Alex answered, disappointed that their time together was ending, she walked to the door and pulled Liv into a quick hug before the brunette left. Alex wasn't a hug person, usually she distanced herself from people, any skin to skin or close range contact was forbidden, but there was something different about Olivia, she'd hugged her the first time they'd met, which was definitely not an Alex thing.

Sighing, Alex went into the kitchen, she poured herself another glass of wine and took it back to the couch. She couldn't believe how clumsy she'd been, and how awkward she'd acted, she only hoped that Olivia hadn't noticed.

But Olivia had noticed, and she was confused. Standing outside the building, she wondered why Alex had been so different, there was awkwardness about her, and she wondered, just wondered if Alex had the same feelings for her and she did for Alex. Olivia did not know that Alex was gay, she hadn't even entertained the thought, especially after she'd seen Alex on a date with Trevor Langan. Olivia and her partner on the job Detective Elliot Stabler referred to Trevor as the enemy, as he was a Defence Attorney and had on numerous occasions represented the perps that Olivia and Elliot had arrested and Alex was prosecuting.

As Olivia climbed into her car, a black BMW M3 Sedan, she did not notice Alex looking out of her window. Alex decided that her bed was maybe the best place to be, otherwise she might just consume the rest of wine, and she still had to work tomorrow.

**I'd appreciate some feedback, so please leave a review. **


	2. Screw you El

**AN: Thank you for the kind reviews this has received. Thought I'd post Chapter 2 today as am working tomorrow. **

**Stepping stones on the path to love**

**Chapter 2 - Screw you El**

Olivia had not slept well, her mind had been on Alex, her mind had been on how to act on these feelings but she had not completed the thought, she had not come to a decision or a conclusion. She needed to do some digging to find out whether Alex was straight, to find out whether she herself could be bisexual or impartial to either sex. She was confused, and tired, she also had a headache, and sitting at her desk, filling in her DD5 from the previous case, her mind was wandering.

Her partner, Detective Elliot Stabler had noticed that Olivia had not been herself that morning, he had noticed that she was on her third cup of coffee in so many hours, he had noticed how she kept running her hand through her dark hair, how she chewed on the end of her pen. He decided to call her out on it.

"Liv" he said. Elliot was one of the few people that called her Liv. Munch and Fin and occasionally the Captain would also use this pet name that she'd adopted. She often found herself thinking what it would sound like off Alex's lips, "Late night was it?" he asked

"Something like that" Olivia replied, she really didn't want to get into it with Elliot. Elliot was her best friend, as well as her partner, they'd worked together for 5 years, and they'd built up a strong rapport with each other, and always had each other's backs, both on the job and off, but Olivia could not get into her feelings for Alex with him. He was a catholic and she wasn't sure he'd welcome the thought that she might be leaning towards the other side.

"What was it, a hot date?" he said smirking, Elliot loved to wind Olivia up, and he was remarkably good at it too.

"Screw you El" Olivia replied throwing her pen down on the desk, pushing back her chair, she grabbed her cup and returned to the coffee machine.

"Elliot, what's got her panties in a twist?" Munch asked. Senior Detective John Munch was a veteran of the NYPD, he was extremely cynical and would often have a theory on everything, he was specifically fond of Conspiracy Theories, in fact, anything was a conspiracy theory.

Elliot just shrugged his shoulders and carefully approached Olivia, but she turned before he could get any closer and shot him a glare that made him retreat back to his desk. You didn't mess with Olivia, not when she gave you that look, that was a look she gave perps in interviews, that was the look she gave when she wanted something and right now, she wanted Elliot to leave her alone.

"Woah, someone's touchy today" Fin noticed, and became a victim on the receiving end of the spoon that Olivia had been holding, which hit in the right shoulder, "Damn you Benson!" he exclaimed, rubbing his shoulder.

Before Olivia could answer, The Captain, Don Cragen came out of his office and announced, "We've got a reported rape at Mercy, Victim is 26 year old Courtney Alberts, was raped in her home. Stabler and Benson, you two get to Mercy to interview the victim. Munch and Fin, get over to her apartment on the Upper West Side, CSU are there now"

Olivia sat her cup down on the side angrily, she needed that coffee, but work called, and work was most important. Olivia had joined SVU to get some kind of justice for her Mother who was a victim of rape herself, Olivia was the product of that rape. While it was not a secret, it was not something Olivia shared with every person she had met. The guys here new about it, but that was as far as it went. Alex did not know.

Elliot drove to Mercy General, Olivia did not want to drive, Olivia was still caught between thoughts of Alex and now this victim. Elliot had tried to make small talk, tried to find out what was bothering his partner, and his friend but to no avail, Olivia did not want to talk about it, she did not want to think about it, but she was.

They parked the sedan and once inside, it was strictly business, strictly work, and strictly non personal. "Detective Benson" Olivia introduced herself to the lady behind the front desk, showing her badge "and my partner Detective Stabler" she added pointing to Elliot who showed his badge "We're here for the rape victim, a Miss Alberts?"

"She's in the third room on your left. We've done the rape kit already" the lady answered, pointing down the hall

Olivia and Elliot approached the room where a lady was sitting on the bed, her eyes red from crying, a bruise forming on her cheek and a bloody lip, her hands were trembling as she attempted to complete her buttons on her shirt. Olivia held her hand up, instructing Elliot to wait outside while she entered the room. "Miss Alberts. My name's Detective Benson, can I ask you a few questions"

The lady on the bed, Courtney Alberts nodded and attempted a small smile.

"Can you talk me through what happened?" Olivia asked, she was aware of how difficult it was for rape victims to talk about their attack, but it was vital that questions were asked and statements taken.

"My ex-boyfriend, Mitchell Evans, he-he raped me" Courtney said, her voice shaky as she spoke. "I'd broken up with him yesterday, and he was angry, I told him I didn't love him and that I didn't want to hurt him so I said it would be better if we were just friends. And then today, he came o-over, and forced me to have s-se-sex"

"You're doing well. What did he do?" Olivia asked, it was important that all details were accurate, that there was no confusion. Olivia hated this part, it was like asking the victim to relive the attack, and it didn't get better when they had to testify, if they chose to testify, but Olivia had never met anyone that regretted testifying, but she had met many victims that regretted not.

"He pushed me onto the couch, and undid my buttons, he had his knee on my stomach so I couldn't m-move. And he pushed his hand up my skirt and t-touched me. I d-didn't want to. I said 'No'. And he undid his pants and put it in me, I tried to fight but-but he held my wrists. He just laughed when he finished and left. I called the police, and the ambulance came and now I'm here" Courtney explained

Olivia was writing this down in her notepad, "Courtney, do you have anyone to stay with? Anyone I can call for you?" she asked

"My best friend, Carrie. Carrie Matthews. I'll call her" Courtney said, pulling her phone from her purse.

Olivia left Courtney to make the call, and returned to Elliot who had been waiting outside, he had heard the conversation, so Olivia didn't need to relay it to him. They waited for Courtney's friend to arrive, and explained to Courtney that they'd be in touch.

"Did the rape kit turn up anything?" Olivia asked Elliot, he had spoken to the doctor who had treated Courtney while Olivia had been taking the statement.

"Yeah, there was semen and a hair. I've sent it to the lab and hopefully Melinda can get a match" Elliot said

When Elliot and Olivia returned to the 1-6, Fin and Munch were waiting to fill them in on the evidence at the crime scene, Courtney Alberts' house.

"What we got guys?" Elliot asked, taking the lead, and looking at the board where there were photographs of the scene. Olivia placed a photograph of the victim on the board and wrote Courtney Alberts underneath.

"Well, there wasn't much at the scene. There were some semen stains on the bed sheet, and some blood too on the pillow, judging by the photograph of our victim, I'd bet a guess it was her blood. There were a few fingerprints as well, so hopefully we get a match" Fin said, his hands in his pockets as he spoke

"Well, our victim identified her attacker as her recently ex boyfriend, Mitchell Evans, so I'll run him through the computer to see what we get, I'm guessing those fingerprints belong to our victim and her ex boyfriend, but that doesn't count for anything as he would have had access to her apartment on many occasions" Olivia explained to the detectives who were now sitting at their desks,

Olivia searched the database, but didn't come up with anything, so she concluded to herself that this was a first-time rapist, who was opportunistic and that the attack was a one-off on someone that had just dumped him.

Fin and Munch went to pick up Mitchell at his address which Courtney had scribbled down and given to Olivia before they had left the hospital. Olivia knew that they'd need a warrant to search his address, but she wasn't sure if they'd need more evidence. Fin and Munch would only be talking to Mitchell, and Olivia was aware that he may try and dispose of any evidence, such as the clothes he had been wearing when he raped his girlfriend.

Just as Olivia was thinking, the phone rang, "Benson" she answered, "Oh Melinda. What you got for us?" she asked, she listened and put the phone down, turning to Elliot who had been watching her, she said, "Warner's got the DNA back"

Once at the morgue, Elliot turned to Olivia and asked, "What's got you so side tracked Liv? And don't shoot me that glare, something's up with you"

Olivia ignored him and pushed open the door, "What you got for us?" she asked Dr Melinda Warner, who was the Medical Examiner and often dealt with SVU cases.

"Well, the semen on the sheets and in Courtney Alberts belongs to Mitchell Evans, as does the hair. There was a green fibre on Courntey's skirt, and it belongs to a common pair of navy pants, so that's not much help to you really" Melinda explained

"Well, thanks Melinda. Mitchell is Courtney's ex and she identified him as her attacker, so the semen coupled with the crime scene and injuries she sustained should be enough for a warrant" Elliot said

Olivia knew that it would be her going to see Alex about the warrant, so she bid goodbye to Melinda and Elliot, and set of the One Hogan Place. Her insides were twisting and attempting acrobatics. If only she could make sense of the feelings she was having.

**What do you think happens when Olivia goes to see Alex to attain a warrant? **


	3. Warrant

**Chapter 3 - Warrant**

Alex had had a quiet morning, and was having an equally quiet afternoon and usually it would be a welcome change, a chance to do some filing, tidy her desk, and generally relax. But today was different, today she was unable to relax because she was thinking about Olivia, and it was driving her insane. She'd attempted to file away some papers, but she'd dropped a stack that were in alphabetical order, and now they were strewn around the floor, in absolutely no order whatsoever. She was now sitting on the floor trying not cry, because Alexandra Cabot did not cry. She had earned the nickname, "The Ice Queen" for being seen as cold, but she just didn't show her emotions, she was actually quite warm and welcoming, something Olivia had noticed, although Alex did not know this.

She was getting frustrated at her wandering mind, even as she attempted to pick the papers from the floor. It was no use, she just couldn't think about anything except Olivia. She removed her glasses, and pinched the bridge of her nose, trying to hold back the tears, although as she did so a stray tear escaped and slid down her cheek.

The detectives needed Alex to issue a warrant to search Mitchell Evans' apartment and Olivia had been the one to get it, as she exited the elevator to the 3rd floor of One Hogan Place, she took a deep breath, reaching Alex's door, she tentatively gave a rat-a-tat knock to the thick wood. A clatter, a crash and a "damn it" later, she heard the quiet and obviously stressed voice of Alex, "Come in"

Olivia pushed open the door, her eyes fell on the papers scattered around the floor, the broken mug beside the desk and then an equally dishevelled Alex who was kneeling on the floor. Olivia's heart climbed a thousand beats per minute as she took in the sight before her. She had no idea what had happened, and was immediately concerned.

"What happened, Alex? Did someone break in?" she asked quickly from the doorway where she stood

Alex was fighting back tears, and couldn't find the words to answer so she just shook her head and turned away, replacing her glasses on her face, and quickly gathering the rest of the papers, she stood placing them on the table she took a deep breath and sat down "What did you need Detective?" she asked, composing herself

Olivia was perplexed and merely confused as to what had transpired, taking a minute to find herself she stepped towards the desk "We need a warrant" she explained taking a seat opposite the blonde.

"Courtney Alberts was raped by her ex, Mitchell Evans, she identified him as her rapist when I arrived at Mercy to question her, DNA proved that he had sexual intercourse with her, and the bruises on her cheeks and cut lip suggested that it hadn't been consensual"

"Okay, I'll get it typed and signed and you'll have it in about half an hour" Alex promised, and began tapping the keys of her laptop

"Thanks Alex" Olivia said standing, she wanted to know what had happened here, she wanted to find out if Alex was okay, but she didn't know how. Maybe she'd ask later, usually her and the guys would go for drinks after work, if the caseload allowed and Alex sometimes tagged along when invited, especially if they'd just won a case.

On returning to the 1-6, Olivia grabbed another coffee before finding Elliot at the one way mirror outside the interview room in which Munch and Fin were questioning Evans

"What's been happening?" Olivia asked Elliot as she blew on the hot coffee.

"Well, he doesn't have an alibi, and he admitted to being angry, I don't think it shall take him long to break" Elliot replied, looking at his partner and friend. He knew something was up, he just hadn't figured out what.

Looking throught the glass, Elliot and Olivia watched as the interview unfolded

"So, you were angry at Courtney, you wanted to talk to her, and then what, you decided to barge into her apartment and rape her?" Fin asked Evans

"No, she let me in" Evans answered, not realising he had just admitted to being there

"So you did go to her apartment then" Munch states

"Yes, I did. But I didn't rape her"

"So you had sex" Fin declared

"Yes"

"You raped her" Fin stated

"No"

"So she got the bruises how?" Munch asked

"She tried to fight me"

"So you did rape her" Fin said, edging closer to Evans as he lent on the desk

"No"

"But she fought you. Tell me, if someone is fighting you off, does that usually mean they want sex?" Fin questioned

"She did want it"

"She said no" Munch stated

"Yes, but she likes it rough"

"So you raped her"

"No"

"You raped her, she said no and you still carried on!" Fin said raising his voice a little, leaning even closer

"Yes!" Evans shouted "I mean..."

Standing behind the screen, Elliot smirked, "He's an idiot"

"You got that right. Didn't ask for a lawyer?" Olivia asked as Fin and Munch exited the interview room

"Nope. When I read him his rights he said he didn't need a lawyer, he hadn't done anything wrong" Munch explained

Fin escorted Evans to a cell as Alex entered with the warrant.

"I have the warrant you asked for Olivia" she said, waving it in her hand

"He just confessed" Elliot said, still smirking at how stupid Evans had been

"Yep" Olivia agreed although there was obvious nothing to agree on.

"Well, once you've searched his apartment, let me know, and I'll arrange arraignment" Alex said, turning on her heels to exit the bullpen.

Olivia sighed, wishing she could muster the courage to invite Alex for drinks, but she couldn't. This perplexed her because usually she could, but now she found her palms sweaty and her heart race at the thought. She'd never felt like this before, and she freaked when she realised, this was like being in love, when she had met her first proper boyfriend when she was 18.

_"I couldn't love Alex, could I? I'm straight, aren't I? And what about Alex? But I do love her, yeah, I do"_

__**Finally, Olivia realises that she's in love with Alex. Will she find the confidence to ask Alex out for a date? **


	4. The Ex

**A.N: I hope you are enjoying reading this as much I am enjoying writing it. **

**Chapter 4 -The Ex**

It's nearing 7pm and in a small cocktail bar, Alex is perched on a stool, 4 Martinis in, in an attempt to forget Olivia. She knows she loves her, she knows that she can't let her slip away, but she's nervous, and she's scared. She hasn't had a relationship in what seems like forever and the last broke her heart. She fell into a downward spiral, and it took everything she had to get back up. She couldn't shake the fear of becoming that person again.

She had been invited for drinks with the gang but had turned it down, in favour of an early night with some paperwork, well, that's what she had told Fin when he'd asked if she was coming but in truth she wanted to be with Olivia, but at the same time, she didn't want to make a fool of herself again and she needed a drink.

"Same again" she signalled to the barman, pushing her glass in his direction. She knew she should go home, but home was lonely, and home was quiet, where she could think. Here was noisy, it was busy, despite being early and the hustle and bustle of the scene was enough to distract her, that and the drink.

Olivia hadn't wanted to go out with the guys either, she had a headache, and she really did have a headache. She had felt it begin and by mid afternoon, it was driving her insane. She had left her car at home that morning, in favour of using her legs and now walking down the street, she had wished that she'd not chosen that route. She just wanted to get home.

Turning onto West 46th Street, and walking past the bar situated on the corner, Olivia looked inside as she hurried passed, she saw blonde hair and stopped _"Isn't that? No, it can't be. Alex?"_ she thought, _"Alex was going home. It's not her, just another blonde"_ she reasoned herself but as she did so, she blonde in question turned her head to the side, _"Alex? It is Alex"_

Olivia noticed Alex down the glass and pushed it towards the barman, who shook his head and pushed the glass back, she watched as Alex put both hands on the bar and glared at the barman, a little wobbly on her feet. Olivia decided she'd go and say hello. As she entered the bar, she heard the commotion,

"I think you've had enough" the barman told Alex, who pushed the glass towards him

"I don't. Give me another drink!" she sounded pissed, Olivia had seen enough, Alex was drunk, and she was going to get into trouble if Olivia didn't diffuse the situation.

"Alex" Olivia said, as she approached the blonde who swiftly turned her and glared at Olivia

"Detective" she slurred, climbing down from the stool "This jerk won't give me another drink" she said, almost keeling over

"I also think you've had enough Alex. Let's get you home" Olivia advised, reaching out to steady the blonde who was now swaying as she attempted to walk.

As they exited the bar, Olivia heard "Lex" and looked up to see a tall brunette who was wearing an extremely revealing lace dress striding towards them. As the woman approached, she through her arms around Alex, nearly sending Olivia flying in the process. "It's good to see you!" she exclaimed, slightly over enthusiastically.

"Eleanor?" Alex questioned, before thinking _"this is the last person I want to see"_

"Well Alex. I see you've got a new girlfriend" she said, smirking at Olivia, who furrowed her brow before realising that this woman, was confirming that Alex was indeed gay, or bisexual. Olivia still wasn't sure; she HAD seen Alex out with Trevor.

"She's just a friend" Alex said, still slightly slurred but she had sobered fairly quickly after seeing this woman.

"Yeah, maybe that's a good idea" the woman said, smiling at Olivia, "She's a bit of a loose cannon is my Lex, went off the rails a few years ago, never really understood it really"

"I went off the rails?!" Alex almost yelled "You cheated on me, with Roxanne, and Amy, and Lisa, and god knows who else. 5 years Ellie, 5 bloody years we were together and all of it was a lie"

"So you had to try and commit suicide? God, that was stupid, you nearly died, Lex" the woman Olivia now knew as Eleanor said almost laughing.

This shocked Olivia, she didn't know much about the blonde she had become close to, and this was a shock. She couldn't see it to be honest, Alex wasn't the type of person to let things fester or consume her, she was hard headed, rational and always in control. _"Well, most of the time"_ thought Olivia _"She is standing here drunk and screaming"_

"You pushed me too far, I loved you. Ellie, you were my first love, and now you try and blame me. I had to leave, you took everything and you nearly took my life" Alex said, trying to remain calm, but her head was pounding, her heart was pounding and she was tired and still intoxicated by alcohol.

Eleanor pushed pass Olivia and Alex and walked into the club still laughing.

"Take me home Olivia, please" she whispered

Olivia looked at Alex who had become quiet; she was still a little unsteady on her feet, so Olivia hailed a cab and decided to take Alex to her apartment rather than home.

While in the car, Alex rested her head against the window and drifted to sleep, the aftershock of the events coupled with the alcohol were enough to send her off.

When the cab pulled up outside her apartment, Olivia attempted to rouse Alex from her sleep unsuccessfully; she steadied her friend, and helped her walk the short flight of stairs to the first floor.

Resting Alex against her shoulder, she turned the key in the lock and guided Alex inside, she attempted to rouse the blonde once again but again was unsuccessful. The blonde now in a deep alcohol induced sleep. She led her to her bedroom, where she managed to lay her in the centre of her own king bed.

Closing the door, she sighed and removed her jacket, tossing her purse on the kitchen unit and sat on the couch.

_"Alex is gay, that was her ex"_ she thought, trying to make sense of the strange turn of events that had just passed _"Her ex cheated on her and she had a break down, she tried to kill herself"._

Olivia felt her heart break for the blonde now that she was able to process the conversation; she let a few tears escape her eyes. She glanced at the clock; it was a quarter to nine. She was feeling tired, and unsure of herself. Tomorrow was Saturday, she didn't have to work, and she knew that Alex didn't either. She knew that tomorrow would be tough, it would be awkward and she wanted to talk to Alex about what had happened, what she had witnessed, what she knew and how she felt.

Olivia showered, and threw on her pyjamas, she took a blanket from the closet and draped it over the arm of the couch, before checking in on Alex who was still sleeping, she looked so peaceful, so serene, like an angel, and Olivia caught her breath before whispering "Goodnight Alex" and heading back to the couch.

**Did you expect that? What happens next? Thoughts welcome people, so please review. **


	5. Confess

**A.N: Only a short chapter I know, but I wanted to post this part while I could. **

**Chapter 5 - Confess **

Alex awoke in a bed that wasn't her own, in a place that wasn't her own. She glanced down, thankful to still be dressed, she sat up, wiping the sleep from her eyes and she tried to remember where she was and how she got here. She glanced around the room, at the chest of drawers, the Ottoman at the bottom of the bed, she noticed she was on top of the duvet, not under the covers, and then _"This is Olivia's room. I'm at Olivia's"_ she thought. She rubbed her forehead, she felt dizzy, her head was woozy, she tried to think, yet couldn't. She lay back down, then sat up again, _"The bar, drinking, Olivia and then Eleanor. Eleanor?"_

"SHIT!" she exclaimed. She remembered, Olivia knew she was gay, Olivia had met Eleanor, her ex, she had heard them, Olivia knew what had happened. She never wanted to tell her. This was her past, and a part of it that didn't need reliving.

She hoped Olivia would still be asleep, she grabbed her purse from the chair beside the window, she took a deep breath. Her head was pounding, she was tired, and the clock read 9.03AM. "SHIT!" she exclaimed again, Olivia would be up. She listened, she could here movement, she could smell coffee. Olivia was up. _"Damn"_ she thought.

Olivia had woken early, she'd checked on Alex, showered, dressed, made coffee and was now drinking her second cup while gazing over the latest issue of Harper's Magazine, she wasn't reading it, or paying attention to it, it was just there. Her mind was replaying the events of yesterday evening and she was trying to decide how she should approach the subject, or even if she should. She didn't want to make Alex uncomfortable, but maybe Alex was uncomfortable anyway, they would need to discuss it. Even just to acknowledge it happened.

She was deep in thought when she heard footsteps coming from the hall, she knew it was Alex. She looked up, and saw the beautiful face of her crush, if that's what you'd want to call it, but also her colleague and her friend.

"Hi" she said smiling

"Hi" Alex repeated, without the smile

"I made coffee" Olivia offered

"I'm fine. I think I'll just go" she said walking towards the door

"Don't" Olivia said, and with those words Alex looked at her, questionably "Stay a while, please?"

"But I…" Alex started before joining Olivia at the kitchen bar

"Would you like to talk about yesterday?" Olivia asked, not sure if she really wanted Alex to or not, but knowing it needed to be addressed in some way

Alex shook her head "What's to talk about?" she asked quietly, her voice almost cracking with the emotion she was trying to will away. She knew exactly what Olivia was talking about, and it scared her beyond words

"Firstly, why were you drinking? You told Fin you had some paperwork to do at home" Olivia prompted, this had been on her mind for a while, she couldn't fathom why Alex would lie about where she was going, she wanted a drink, so why didn't she go out with the guys?

"I.." she started but she didn't know how to finish it. How could she tell Olivia that she had wanted to forget her because she hadn't been able to think of anything or anyone else.

"Alex, talk to me. Let me in. What's going on? Thursday you walked home and cut through the park, it must have taken you forever to walk, and it was late, that isn't like you. You don't do walking. Then yesterday, when I came to ask for the warrant, you were a mess, and you tried to hide it but I saw and I was worried, and then last night, Alex. It's not just the drinking. The argument with Eleanor. You do remember what happened, don't you?"

Alex nodded, without even bothering to wipe the tears that had pricked her eyes and spilled onto her porcelain cheeks. She hung her head, in shame, fear and confusion. Olivia's heart shattered, just as it had last night.

"I...Liv…I um I love you okay" she managed to choke out "I love you, I've fallen in love with you"

Olivia's heart raced, her hands became clammy, and she stood bewildered at the broken blonde in front of her. Alex had just admitted her feelings, and Olivia was silent, she couldn't think, she was taken aback, she had dreamed of this, that Alex felt the same but she had never believed it. She couldn't move, or speak, or say anything. She was in complete shock.

Alex took the silent as confirmation that Olivia didn't feel the same. Her head raced, she had just admitted her feelings and Olivia hadn't spoken. She jumped down from the stool, and grabbed her purse, she ran to the door, throwing it open and slamming it behind her. The tears bubbled over again and she ran from the building.

Olivia sat for what may have been 5 minutes but felt like forever, before realising what had happened. _"Alex loves me"_ she thought _"and I love her. I have to tell her. What an idiot!"_ she cursed herself.

Grabbing her keys, cell and jacket, she hurried out of the apartment is search of Alex.

**REVIEW PLEASE. **


	6. Confession returned

**A.N: Thank you for the reviews, follows and for reading this. Really means a lot to me. I wrote most of this on the bus today, and just tweaked it a little when I got home. Enjoy**

**Chapter 6 - Confession returned **

Alex was running, her legs were heavy and her heart beat was running overtime, she felt sick, her head was spinning from the after affects of last night's alcohol. Tears were streaming down her cheeks, her whole body felt like it was in another universe. She'd just confessed that she loved Olivia, she had confessed to Olivia, and received no reply. She couldn't stand to stay there any longer; she had needed to get out. She was scared; she didn't want this to ruin her friendship with the older woman.

Olivia came running from her apartment building, she needed to find Alex, and she needed to tell her how she felt. Pushing the front door with both hands, she ran down the steps, and looked down the street, she couldn't see Alex, she decided on going left, running to the end of the street, she saw Alex had the end of the road; she had stopped and was leaning against a wall. Olivia darted towards her,

"Alex!" she called, her mind set on making amends, whatever it took. Alex looked up, and straight at Olivia, she turned and began walking away, Olivia ran faster, "Alex, wait!" she shouted, her voice commanding and loud, expressing the anger and sadness she felt inside.

She caught up with the blonde, and grabbed her shoulder, "Alex? I'm sorry, come back. We can talk"

"What's to talk about Olivia?" Alex said coldly, her voice betraying the emotion on her cheeks and in her heart.

"A lot, and I'm not doing it on the street" she said, taking Alex's hand "Please"

Alex relented, tears still trickling from her ocean blue eyes. Olivia felt awful, she could see how hurt Alex was, and she was frustrated at herself for her reaction. She was just shocked and it took some time to actually register in her brain.

They walked back to Olivia's apartment in silence. Olivia was still holding Alex's hand, and as much as Alex wanted to pull away, because she was upset and angry, her heart was telling her that if Olivia was this close, it couldn't be a bad thing. She felt hopeful but was still confused and unsure of the brunette's reasons for coming after her.

Stepping into the apartment, Olivia guided Alex to the couch, and then leaned in to kiss Alex on the cheek, they needed to talk, and as much as Olivia wanted to kiss Alex's lips, to feel them against her own, she knew that they needed to open up first.

"Alex, I'm sorry for how I reacted, it just shocked me, it took me a while to realise what you had said. It's not an excuse, but it's a reason, and I am really sorry" Olivia said, her voice was quiet, yet sincere but Alex wasn't so certain

"You don't need to be sorry, I didn't mean to blurt it out like that, maybe I should have explained better but I meant it Olivia, I do love you, I have for a while but I just was scared of how you'd take it. You're straight, right?" Alex questioned

"Yes. Or I thought I was. Alex, I really like you. I think I love you, but I just didn't know how to act on it either. I didn't know that you were gay, and I didn't think you'd feel the same anyway"

"Really?" Alex asked, a little shocked at the revelation, and secretly pleased. She was still scared, still unsure and knew there was much more to discuss. "I don't drink that much usually, Liv. I just couldn't shake you from my mind; it's why I've been so distant and acting so strange. I was terrified because I had all these feelings and I didn't think you felt the same, and I didn't know how to deal with them"

"Alex. I do feel the same. I find myself wanting to come and see you, when we need a warrant, we could ring, but I always volunteer to come get it. I like coming over to yours, you coming here, our take-outs, spending time with you. I really want us to try, if you want to that is?" Olivia let the question hang in the air

The silence was broken by a strangled sob coming from Alex. Olivia looked up and her heart began to break slowly, watching her cry. She put her arm around her, and pulled her close, so that Alex's head was resting on her shoulder. Alex sighed and asked quietly "You heard what Eleanor said?"

"I did. But you don't need to explain right now Alex. I'd like to think you could tell me, but I won't push you"

"I want to talk about it. If we're going to make this work, and I want to, then we can't have secrets, we need to be open Olivia. That was the problem with Eleanor. I met her when I was 19, I had just come out to my parents, they weren't happy, and they thought it would cause my career to crash before it started. They always had hopes for me, their own dreams and I shared some of them. I wanted to go into law, but I wasn't overly bothered about politics. I fell in love with Ellie, she was my first love, and I lost my virginity to her, things were great for about a year and a half, we moved in together but then she started staying later at work, and coming home drunk, she didn't want to touch me at all, and we didn't make love that often at all. I was studying, and working part-time as a receptionist at my father's law firm. Liv, I loved Eleanor, and I thought she loved me, we dated for 5 years, until I came home early from work one day and caught her in bed with another woman. We hadn't had sex in months, yet here she was with another woman. I was devastated. It turned out; she'd been having affairs the entire time. I felt so stupid, so angry at her and myself for not realising. I couldn't sleep so I went to the doctor, he prescribed sleeping pills, one night I phoned Eleanor, I just wanted to understand, I thought it was me, that I had done something to put her off but her new girlfriend answered, and I could hear Ellie laughing. I had had enough and I drank a whole bottle of vodka and took god knows how many pills. I think I knew in the back of my mind what I was doing, but I woke up about a week and half later in hospital, I'd died twice and been brought back" Alex finished, she was crying openly, and Olivia was stroking her hair, listening and trying to understand everything she was being told.

"That's awful Alex. I'm so sorry that you had to go through that. I'll never treat you like that, I won't, I want to be with you, and I love you, I do love you Al, so much. Will you let me love you?" Olivia says, lifting Alex's chin and looking into her eyes. Olivia loves Alex's eyes, they are the brightest, most expressive eyes Olivia has ever seen, and they sparkle when she smiles, they glisten when they are filled with tears and they cloud over when she is angry.

Alex brings her lips to Olivia's, and they brush together; the kiss is gentle, almost tentative, but full of love. Olivia wraps her arm around Alex's waist to bring her closer, the other hand resting on the back of her head, as Alex cups both of Olivia's cheeks. Olivia deepens the kiss, her tongue creeping across Alex's lower lip, she slides her tongue inside as Alex parts her lips and the moment is a wrestle between tongues, sliding, slipping, and duelling with each other. A small moan of pleasure escapes Alex's lips as Olivia pulls away with a need for air. She smiles shyly at the blonde, who is breathless and wide eyed. After a few seconds to catch her breath, Alex lets out a giggle before whispering "Wow"

Olivia laughs and nods in agreement. Alex turns and snuggles into Olivia as they sit on the couch, listening to each other's heartbeat.

"What shall we do today?" Alex asks, her body still recovering from the effects of a hangover, and the kiss she just shared.

"We could watch a DVD and snuggle for a while, if you like" Olivia answers. She is aware that Alex may still be feeling a little worse for wear.

"Mm. Sounds good" she decides, her body relaxing as Olivia gets up to search the DVD rack.

"What would you like to watch, baby?" she asks, adding in the term of endearment casually, unsure of how it would make Alex feel

"Baby, eh?" Alex laughs and then replies "You pick"

"Is it okay to call you that, if you don't like it, I'll find something else, or just call you Alex?"

"Well, that is my name but I kinda like being your baby, Liv"

"You're my baby then and my sweetheart, my love, my all, sweet cheeks, cupcake…" Olivia blushes trailing off with embarrassment

"You're so hot when you blush Liv" Alex says giggling, "Have you found anything yet?"

"Mr and Mrs Smith. A bit of action with some romance?"

"Perfect, now come and sit with me, I want to snuggle" Alex commands as Olivia places the disk in the player.

Returning to the couch, Olivia pulls Alex close to her, and presses play on the remote.

They sit wrapped in one another watching the movie, Olivia stroking Alex's arm and Alex resting her hand on Olivia's leg. She desperately wants to move closer to Olivia, put knows they need to take this slow.

"Are you my girlfriend now?" Alex asks, wanting to know where she stands with the brunette

"If you want me to be, then yes. Is that too fast, I mean, how do you want to do this? I've never been with a woman before Alex, and I've never been the chaser, relationships scare me" she explains before quickly adding "But I want to be with you, and I want this to work"

"I know. I don't mind that I'm your first woman, it's quite nice actually Olivia. I want to date you, take you out to dinner, cook you dinner, go to the movies, and ice skating, anywhere you like"

"I'd like that. Are you sure you don't mind that I'm new to this?" Olivia asks, she's nervous and uncertain, not about what she wants but whether she'll be enough for Alex.

"Of course not, Liv. I've loved you for a long time, really and I don't want us to waste another second. I'm going to get a transfer from SVU"

"What? Why?" Olivia asks, suddenly alert to everything Alex is saying.

Alex turns to Olivia and kisses her sweetly on the lips, "Because it shall be a conflict of interest. Unless you don't want us to tell anyone, but I kind of think we have to. I don't want you to be a secret, I want people to know I love you, but if you don't want that yet, it's okay. I just don't know how I could come in to the 1-6 and not kiss you as soon as I see you, not hug you, love you"

Olivia is quiet for a moment, she's thinking, this is new to her. Everything about this is new. She's always been private and kept her love life private but she feels the same as Alex, she couldn't stand not kissing her as soon as they see each other. But she loves Alex working with them, she knows Alex truly cares about the work they do, about the victims, it's not just a job that pays, it's more than that, and Alex is the best ADA they've ever had.

"What are you thinking Liv? Please say something" Alex panics

"I don't want you to be my secret; I want everyone to know you're mine. But I'll miss you, you work so well at SVU, and replacing you is near impossible" Olivia explains

"So, I'll transfer. Is that what you're saying you want?"

"No. I don't want that, but I don't want us to hide. So it's what you have to do"

"I'll miss the guys, but I won't forget them, I'm yours as you say and I'll come out for drinks when I can, and I'll still be around. I'll be there friend, not just a colleague. I'll be there colleague's girlfriend. Are you scared of telling them?"

"Just El. I don' know, his religion doesn't welcome it, and I don't know how he'll take it"

"How about we tell them together? I'll go to work Monday, and tell Donnelly, and request a transfer. I'll do something else, anything else, and then I'll come to you, and we'll tell Cragen, and then the guys. Does that work?"

Olivia nods, kissing Alex on the cheek, and smiling "I love you Al"

"Love you too Liv" Alex replies, bringing her lips to Olivia's, she pushes against Olivia, her hands resting on both of the brunettes shoulders. Smiling into the kiss, Olivia is feeling everything at once, but she knows now how she feels, how Alex feels and that makes her truly happy.

**What do you think? Where will they go from here? I've got some good plot lines, and ideas in the air, so keep reading and reviewing**


	7. Telling the boss

**A.N: Thank you for the continuing support and reviews, I am really enjoying writing this and it makes me smile to read the reviews.**

**Thank you to IBME for the thoughts and ideas on what you think and would like to happen.**

**Chapter 7 - Telling the boss**

The weekend passed relatively quickly, much to both Alex and Olivia's annoyance. Alex had wanted to spend as much time as she could with her new girlfriend and Olivia while also wanting time with Alex was incredibly nervous about announcing the new relationship. She didn't like to think of it as coming out because she didn't believe that she was gay, but she wasn't so sure that she was straight either. She had loved before but the love she had for Alex was deeper and stronger than anything she'd ever felt.

They spent the rest of Saturday lounging on the couch. Olivia had cooked cheese omelettes for lunch and they'd ordered Chinese for dinner. They'd talked about the things they enjoyed, Olivia telling Alex how she loved to go paintballing with the guys, how she hated shopping but would be more than happy to shop with Alex, and in return Alex had spoken about her love for animals, her addiction to retail therapy and spa days and how she loved to Ice skate. They'd spoken about past relationships and their families. Olivia had told Alex about her birth, and how she came to be, about her Mother and how she drank and died falling down the subway steps while drunk, she'd told Alex her fears about her genes and about her fears of passing on her genes. Alex had listened, finally understanding why Olivia became a cop, and more importantly why she joined SVU.

Alex had told Olivia about her relationship with her Mother, how it had never been strong, but how things had improved recently, she'd spoken about her Father and how much she loved him and missed, about how he died when she in her mid twenties. Olivia had listened, and taken in the information, storing it away for future reference.

Alex had gone home Saturday evening, while Olivia had asked her to stay, Alex had explained how she wanted to take things slow, how she wanted to date Olivia, and not just jump into a sexual relationship, no matter how much her body wanted it. Olivia had relented, understanding what Alex was saying. They'd met up Sunday lunch time at the diner, and spent the afternoon in the park, they'd spent ages making out as the sun set, and parted ways with the promise of Alex coming to the 1-6 tomorrow so they could talk to the captain and announce the news to the whole gang.

Olivia was contemplating telling Elliot beforehand so that she could see how he felt, but Alex had talked her out of it, explaining that if he had a problem; he could talk it out to them both at the same time.

Alex woke at 7.35AM; she'd showered, dried her hair, brushed her teeth, and dressed in a trademark navy suit, her hair falling naturally around her shoulders, glasses perched on her nose, and purse on her shoulder. She was ready for the day. Her nerves were kicking in, but she had struck up a good rapport with Donnelly and was confident that she'd understand, she was ready for whatever transfer was offered, as long as it was in this state. She was even prepared to quit if there were no standing positions available. Stepping onto the sidewalk, she hailed a cab, giving her destination to the driver and settling for the journey.

Olivia had woken at 7.48AM, also showered, dried her hair and brushed her teeth. She'd thrown on a dark shirt and black pants, she'd tied her hair back in a low ponytail, and grabbed her keys, before heading to garage, and setting off on her journey. She was feeling queasy with nervousness but excited and happy at the same time. Arriving at the 1-6, she parked her car, and text Alex

"Gd luck. C u soon baby. I miss u. Love u so much. Liv"

Alex was sitting in her office when her phone indicated a text, she read it smiling, and looked at the clock, she'd scheduled the meeting with Liz for 9.30AM, and the clock was creeping past 9AM. She text back quickly,

"Thank you. I'll see you about 10.30. I miss you too. Love you more. Love Al x"

Olivia laughed as she entered the bullpen, Alex never used text speak, and it always made Olivia laugh, Alex was a woman of words and she would not use text language, she said it took away the beauty of the English language even if it was quicker.

"Morning" she said chirpily to the other detectives who were already sitting at their desks. This was unusual in itself as Olivia was usually the first one in of a morning.

"Morning" came the reply in unison from Munch, Fin and Elliot.

Olivia sat down at her desk before asking Elliot "Any cases yet this morning?"

"Nope, not one" Elliot replied

"The world is awaiting the next crime" Munch retorted, chewing on the end of a pen he was holding while resting the newspaper on his lap

Just then, a young girl entered the precinct, she looked nervous, and Olivia noticed she was trembling

"Hi. My name is Olivia. Can I help you?" she asked quietly. Olivia was brilliant with children, she had a gentle, calming ability and when a case involved children, Olivia was the other detectives' choice to be the lead.

"If someone's been hurting me, is this where I go?" she asked, a little unsurely

"You've come to the right place, sweetie. Shall we go in here, and we can talk" Olivia said, leading the young girl to a interview room

She poured the girl a glass of water as she sat down, still trembling slightly.

"What's your name, sweetie?" Olivia asked taking a seat opposite

"Kayleigh Green. I'm 10" she said

"Kayleigh, my name's Olivia. Is someone hurting you? Can you tell me about it?" she started, carefully placing her words calmly as to encourage and calm the young girl

"It's my brother, Kieran. He keeps touching me when I sleep" she says, Olivia is surprised by how calmly the girl talks, although her body is tense and still unsettled

"Does it wake you? You said he does it when you're asleep, so how do you know"

"He thinks I'm asleep, but sometimes I'm not. I don't like it, it feels funny" she says

"I understand. How many times has this happened?"

"Maybe three or four times. My teacher says that our bodies are our own and no-one should touch our private parts until we are older and we ask"

"She's right and you did a good thing coming here and telling me" Olivia tells Kayleigh

"Will you have to tell my Mum?" she asks

"I'll have to talk to Kieran. Kayleigh, does he do anything else to you?" Olivia asks, she needs to be aware of all the facts, but she is also aware that there isn't a way to prove that he is touching her, unless she has vaginal tearing, or bruises.

Kayleigh shakes her head, "Will he be in trouble?" she asks

"You know what he's doing is wrong, don't you Kayleigh?"

Kayleigh nods and says "I want my Mummy", before beginning to cry

Olivia takes the girl in her arms, in a gentle hug. She looks at the clock, she knows that Alex will be here soon, but she can't pass this off to one of the others now.

Meanwhile, Alex enters Elizabeth Donnelly's office, her hands sweaty and heartbeat quickening

"Take a seat Alexandra" Liz says gesturing to the chair opposite her, and Alex complies, pushing her glasses up her nose "What prompted you to request this meet?"

"I need to transfer out of SVU" she explains, cutting straight to the point.

"Reason being, Alex? You work well there, is there a problem, a disagreement between you and one of the detectives?"

Alex quickly shakes her head "No, nothing like that. I…um. Basically, I…me…" she says, her nerves taking over, losing her words

"Spit it out girl" Liz says, looking concernedly at the blonde in front of her

"Me and Detective Benson are in a relationship" she says, turning her head so she can't see the reaction of her supervisor

"Wow. I didn't know Benson was gay" Liz says, she's just a little shocked "I knew you were, and I could tell you liked her, but, how long?"

"Since Saturday" Alex answers "Olivia isn't gay, but we have feelings for each other, I love her, and she says she loves me. I didn't want us to keep it secret and I know I can't stay at SVU"

"This is a lot to take in Alexandra, but you did the commendable thing coming to me. Has Benson told the captain yet?"

"No, I'm going there after so we can talk to him and tell the guys"

"Well, there's a position in appeals. I know it's not a great position, but it's the only one available at this time"

"I'll take whatever Liz"

"You really do love her don't you? There may be a chance of Bureau Chief of SVU in a year, if you want that then; I'll put in a good word for you. You can still be in a relationship with Detective Benson and take that position" Liz explains

"I'll bear that in mind. Thank you"

"You're welcome, and Alex, take care of Olivia. She's a special woman is that one"

"I know and I intend to" Alex says, smiling, relief settling in her. Before the nerves pick up again, as she makes her way to her office to grab her purse before heading to the 1-6.

Olivia explained the situation she had to Elliot, that this girl had opened up to her, and needed escorting home and her brother needed questioning, she had found out that her brother was 14, and he lived at home with her and her Mother, their Father had left when she was a baby. She told Elliot that she had a meeting with Cragen that couldn't wait, and asked if he would drop her off and talk to the brother. Munch and Fin had been dispatched to deal with a rape case.

Sitting at her desk, Olivia's cell vibrated and she read

"It went well with Liz. I'll explain when I see you. Have the afternoon free. I'll be about 10 minutes. Love Alex x"

Olivia quickly replied "Gd. C u in 10. I love u. Liv xx" before heading to the restroom

Alex strolled into the squad room, and noticed how quiet it was, and that Olivia wasn't at her desk. She perched on the corner of the desk as she had done many a time on visits.

"Hey" Olivia said, as she noticed the blonde who promptly looked up and smile

"Hi" she said "You ready?"

"Not really but I guess we better do it" Olivia said, taking Alex's hand and heading to the Captains office.

Pushing open the door, she looked at Alex who squeezed her hand, giving her the confidence

"Cap, we need to talk"

"This doesn't sound good" Cragen said, he had noticed the way the ladies had entered his office, holding hands but didn't want to assume anything

"It is good, kind of" Olivia said, Alex looked at her questionably

"It's all good" Alex challenged

"Right" Cragen said, now totally confused

"Olivia and I are dating, we're in a relationship" Alex explained

"Yeah" Olivia confirmed

"So I'm transferring to appeals" Alex added

"That's the not good part" Olivia said. She was really going to miss Alex, they'd really worked well together, all the gang as well, they all thought Alex was the best, and Olivia was worried how they'd take it, and how they'd accept the new ADA, or even if they would accept him or her.

"Congratulations Liv, and Alex, I must confess it's a bit of a shock. I didn't think you were gay Olivia" Cragen said, looking at Olivia

"I'm not exactly, I'm sort of just for Alex" she said smiling and then blushed "That sounds cheesy"

Alex laughed "But I like it" she said before turning to Cragen "I'm going to miss working with you Cap, but I won't forget you all, I'll still come and see you"

"I should hope so, you're the best ADA we've had at SVU, you'll be hard to replace. How are you going to tell the guys?"

"Um, we were going to tell them now, after we'd spoken to you, but they seem to be busy. Munch and Fin are dealing with a rape, and Elliot's questioning the brother of a 10 year old girl that came in and told me he'd been touching her when she sleeps" Olivia explained

"Well, how about we go for drinks later? You can take the afternoon Liv. Spend some time with Alex. Liz called before you got here Alex, said that you had the afternoon off"

"Are you sure Captain, don't you need me?" Olivia asked

"We can deal with things for a while without you, Liv. Go, have some time together. Work out how you're going to tell the guys"

Olivia smiled, and headed out of the office, Alex following behind.

When they got into Olivia's car, Alex leant over and kissed Olivia hard on the lips

"I love you Liv"

"Love you too Al. Appeals eh?"

"It's all that Liz has to offer. She said in a year, Bureau Chief of SVU might come available, she'll forward her recommendation ready"

"You don't regret us do you?" Olivia asked, still not entirely confident in herself and whether she was enough for Alex

"Not one bit Liv. I wish you'd get that, I want to be with you, whatever it takes, you're it for me. There's no going back" she answered, confirming by pulling Olivia in for a passionate but gentle kiss, their tongues fighting each other's lips for entrance. Olivia accepted the intrusion, and Alex took full advantage, swiping her tongue against Olivia's, her arms wrapped around the brunette's neck. They made out for a few minutes before Alex pulled away, needing air.

She giggled, which made Olivia's heart flutter. When Alex laughed or giggled, her shoulders would shake and Olivia loved this, she thought it was adorable.

**Review please. Next chapter very soon. **


	8. Telling Elliot

**Chapter 8 - Telling Elliot**

The afternoon is spent at Alex's talking and watching reruns of "Friends", Olivia is feeling nervous, mainly about Elliot's reaction, she still thinks she should have spoken to him alone beforehand but she trusts Alex and if Alex thinks that they should do it together, then that's what Olivia will do. Alex finds herself in the bathroom, fixing her hair before they leave, she stands at the mirror and watches her reflection, she can hardly believe they are about to do this, that she finally has the woman she loves by her side, that she's finally felt her lips on her own. She thinks back, to Eleanor, and how things were at the beginning, she never felt as comfortable then as she does now. When she looks at Olivia she sees every emotion that she feels, she hears every heartbeat and it beats with her own.

"Are you ready yet Alex?" Olivia calls out impatiently, she wants to get this over with, no matter how scared she is, she just wants to be with Alex

"I'm coming" Alex replies walking into the living room "Seriously Liv, relax. It's going to be fine, don't worry about it. I love you"

"I know, I know"

They drive in silence to the bar where Cragen had rounded up the gang, Alex was feeling nervous too, but she didn't want to cause Olivia more stress, she could see and feel how tense her girlfriend was, as she rubbed her thigh as they parked.

They walked into the bar side by side, and spotted Don, Munch, Fin and Elliot in a booth at the back, Olivia gave a tentative wave as they made their way over

Alex and Olivia took their seats next to one another and Cragen caught Alex's eye and smiled, she returned the smile, while clasping Olivia's hand under the table. Olivia sighed; this went unnoticed by most, except for Elliot who was watching his partner warily.

"So what's the occasion?" Munch asked "Are the government trying to attack the good people? You disappeared on us Olivia"

"Yeah, what was that about?" Elliot asked

Olivia didn't know what or how to explain, so she did something she never thought she would. She put her right arm around Alex, and with her left touched the blondes cheek, turning her towards her, smiling she closed the gap and brought her lips against Alex's, the kiss was slow and sensual, both women lost in the moment. When they heard Elliot cough they broke the kiss and rested their foreheads together, smiling at one another with lips and eyes.

"That was hot!" Munch exclaimed and Olivia groaned, she looked at Elliot who was wearing an unreadable expression, while Cragen just smiled.

"Alex, you've finally got your girl" Fin said playfully nudging Alex, who nudged him back and whispered

"I certainly have"

Elliot still hadn't spoken, and Olivia was looking at him, urging him to say something, anything at all. The silence was frustrating and scared her a little. She now knew how Alex had felt when she'd confessed her love and she hadn't answered

"Say something El" Olivia pressed

"Sorry Liv. I just, I wasn't expecting that. I'm fine with it though, seriously. I'm happy for you, even if a little shocked"

"I really do love Alex, El" Olivia tells him as she feels the blonde pull her close

"And I love Olivia, more than anything in the world. Which is why I'm leaving SVU, and transferring to Appeals"

"Why?" Fin questioned

"Because it would cause trouble. I'm the sole prosecutor for SVU and I wouldn't be able to work on cases Olivia is involved in, or question her on the stand" Alex explained

"Conflict of interest" Munch understood

Alex nodded "Exactly. I'll miss you all but we're friends, and I'll not stop contact. But promise me, you'll go easy on the new ADA, I don't know who it is yet but I think Liz has someone in mind"

They ordered drinks and chatted about work, Elliot excused himself after the first drink, explaining that Kathy wanted him home early a few nights a week. Olivia was still unsure of his reaction, so she told Alex that she'd be back in a second, and followed Elliot outside. She took his arm and pulled him out of sight to talk.

"Are you sure you're okay with this El?" she asked

"I'm not enthusiastic about it, no. I don't want you to get hurt, and you're not gay Liv"

"Maybe I'm not, but I love Alex, and I've never felt like this with anyone ever. Elliot, she means the world to me. I'm petrified, okay, I am so scared that I'll hurt her, I've never been good with relationships, and I want this to work" Olivia confesses, sincerely

"You wouldn't hurt anyone Liv, but are you sure you're not just a conquest for Alex, someone to boss about"

"I can't believe you'd even ask me that, do you really think Alex is like that, El?" she questions, her anger beginning to flare

"She's not exactly forthcoming, or in touch with her feelings Olivia. She's so cold" he says as in a matter of fact

"No, she isn't. That's not her, that's Alexandra, the attorney, not Alex, she's so different when she's not in the courtroom or giving us orders in the precinct. She's sweet, kind, loving, she has a huge heart, and she's warm. Elliot, be happy for me. I'm happy" Olivia can feel the tears pricking her eyes, she wills them not to fall

"I can't watch you get hurt. I just don't believe her intentions are all that. I'm sorry Olivia. I won't stand in your way, but I won't be there when it all goes wrong, I've warned you what I think"

"You're wrong Elliot" Olivia says, raising her voice slightly, her anger and annoyance coming through the words. She can't believe that he'd think that, but she wasn't expecting his reaction to be all smiles either.

He turns and walks down the street. Olivia stands dumbfounded, the tears beginning to escape. She swats them away and sniffs. After a few minutes she takes a breath and heads back inside the bar.

"You okay?" Alex asks, the concern in her blue eyes evident to Olivia

Olivia nods, and downs the rest of her beer before calling the waitress over for another. Alex looks worriedly at her girlfriend. Cragen notices the change in Olivia and excuses himself to head home; Munch and Fin make to leave as well. Alex turns to Olivia,

"What happened Liv?" she asks

"I don't want to talk about it" Olivia says, downing the beer. She goes to order another, but Alex shakes her head in the direction of the barman "You've had too many as it is Olivia, let me drive you home"

"You drive me in my car?" Olivia says, raising an eyebrow

"You're the detective Olivia. How much have you had to drink?"

"Oh. Yeah, okay" Olivia says, a small smile creeping to her lips.

When Alex parks the car in the underground garage, she turns to Olivia, and says

"I'll call you when I get home"

"Stay" Olivia says timidly but Alex shakes her head

"I don't think that's wise Liv"

"You can have the bed, I'll take the couch. I just don't want to be alone Alex" Olivia says, hating the childlike tone of her voice

"Okay, but I'm having the couch. And no arguments" Alex says, taking Olivia's hand as they make their way upstairs.

Once inside, Olivia grabs a pillow and some blankets, throwing them over the couch, before sitting down. Alex joins her, leaving a short distance. She isn't sure whether Olivia wants space or not. A few minutes later, Alex gets the answer as Olivia pulls Alex towards her, wrapping her in a warm embrace

"Elliot's a prick" she exclaims

"What happened Olivia?" Alex prompts again

"He said that you'd hurt me. He was really cruel to you Alex. I hate him"

Alex shakes her head "No, you don't. He's your partner, and friend, he was your best friend at one point. He can say what he wants about me. I won't hurt you, you know that right? I've been hurt; I wouldn't wish that on anyone. We might fight sometimes, and have arguments, but I love you so much"

"I know. I love you too" Olivia says sighing; she closes her eyes and drifts into a light sleep.

Alex sighs and closes her own eyes, but is unable to drift off. She wonders why Elliot is so against them being together, she thinks he may be jealous, she always thought Elliot liked Olivia a little too much.

Olivia stirs around half an hour later, she looks at Alex who has her eyes closed, she slips out from beside Alex and drapes a blanket over the blonde, grabbing some pyjamas she places them on the couch beside Alex, in case she wakes. She then places a light kiss on her forehead and heads to the bedroom. Alex opens her eyes and smiles, quickly changing into the cotton pyjamas Olivia has left for her.

**A near tragedy strikes in the Next Chapter. Keep reading, and reviewing.**


	9. The Crash

**A.N: Thank you for the continuing support. Means a lot to me. I enjoy writing when I have an audience and I enjoy the reviews so keep them coming**

**Chapter 9 - The Crash**

Tuesday is a mild mid September morning, and Alex awakes on the couch

"Morning baby" Liv calls from the kitchen "Coffee?"

"Morning. Yes please" Alex answers standing up

"You look good in my jammies" Olivia says laughing, they're a little baggy for the blonde but Olivia thinks they look cute

"Are you laughing at me Olivia Benson?" Alex smirks, wrapping her arms around Liv's waist from behind, and resting her chin on her shoulder.

"Not at you, Alex. I think you look cute in them. I love you" Olivia says turning and kissing Alex cutely on the nose

"I was hoping for a different kind of kiss" Alex teases bringing her lips to Olivia's, who melts into the kiss, allowing Alex to gain entrance with her tongue. Alex's hands are on Olivia's waist and Olivia takes full advantage of Alex's loose fitting pyjamas, her hands skimming the underneath on the shirt before meeting the bare pale skin. She traces her fingers across Alex's lower back, who promptly shivers and lets out a small moan of pleasure. Olivia brings her hands around to Alex's stomach and snakes them up her torso. Both begin to feel the pull descend to their lower regions, and Alex takes a moment to breathe, before taking Olivia's hands from underneath the top

"As much as I like that, we don't have time Olivia. I want it to be special, and if we rush, it won't be"

Olivia sighs and nods, turning back to face the counter, Alex touches her shoulder "I do want to Olivia, really, but let's just wait a while"

"I know, I guess I'm just impatient, I know what my body wants and it's frustrating"

"I get it, I feel the same. I'm gonna go shower, is that okay?"

"Of course" Olivia says, planting a chaste kiss on Alex's lips and then tapping her ass as she turns to go the bathroom.

Alex giggles as she walks down the hall. She showers quickly, drying and dressing before walking into the living room, still drying her hair with a towel "Can I borrow your hairdryer Liv?" she asks

She looks up and sees that Olivia isn't in the living room or kitchen and then she notices the note on the table with a key

_Al._

_I had to run, Elliot called, and we caught a case. The hairdryer's in the cabinet under the sink in bathroom. Lock up for me, you can keep the key. I'll give you a ring later. Have a good day baby._

_Love you loads. Love Liv xx_

Alex smiles, and heads back to the bathroom, she dries her hair, tying it back loosely. She then heads out of the apartment, locking up and making her way out of the building. Hailing a cab, she shivers with the winter air.

* * *

Olivia is driving to the crime scene; Elliot hasn't spoken to her, except to explain the case. A homeless man had found the body of a young woman, and Melinda, was already on scene.

"Elliot. You may not like that I'm with Alex but don't act so childishly, ignoring me and that"

"I'm not. I just don't want to talk to you"

"You don't want to talk to me, fine. But listen to me when I say, I love Alex and she loves me and we will make this work and prove you wrong"

"You won't, she'll hurt you. You're not gay, you don't do relationships, you just don't and this is a mistake you're making"

"It's not and I resent your opinion. I thought we were friends, we're partners and we have each other's backs, or at least we did" Olivia says, with emotion in her voice, she can feel the tears behind her eyes. Subconsciously she steps on the gas, as Elliot continues

"You resent my opinion; well I resent you springing it on me like that. I thought friends spoke about things, I didn't even know you liked Alex. I have your back at work, but that's all Liv. I can't watch you make a mistake when I've told you what I think" he answers

Olivia is angry and her head is in a thousand places, as she careers through a red light, she doesn't see the other car until it smashes into the side of her, she blinks, and then everything goes black.

Elliot opens his eyes; the force of the impact knocked him unconscious for a few seconds. He turns and sees Olivia who is still unconscious, blood dripping down her face, from a laceration on her cheek. Elliot leans across and sees that Olivia is trapped, the other car pinning her in the seat. He can see blood on her left side. He sits motionless, panic rising in his chest. This is his fault, he knows it. He goaded her, he wound her up, made her lose concentration and now she's hurt.

He hears sirens in the distance and then sees the paramedics and fire crew surrounding the car, they help him out. He is unharmed apart from a bit of pain in his side from the jolt as the impact occurred and a graze on his temple.

He doesn't want to leave her and tells the paramedics to hurry. He watches in a trance as they begin to cut the roof from the car. He can see the other driver being carried away on a stretcher; it looks as if he has hurt his legs. Elliot feels numb, he's angry at himself and Olivia, she usually is much more careful but he knows that she wouldn't have been driving so fast if he hadn't have been upsetting her.

The wind is strong and the vibrations of the drills and saws cause the car to shake, Elliot can see everything, and then he sees Olivia open her eyes, he tries to get her attention but before he can she closes them again, going back. He feels tears slide down his cheeks, as they remove Liv from the car, he wants to go with her, and he tells the paramedics this. He holds Olivia's hand all the way to the hospital. They arrive at Mercy and she's whisked away. A nurse cleans his wound and he thanks her before going in search of Olivia.

He finds her in a room, and a doctor approaches "She's going to be fine" he says "Are you her partner?"

"Yes" Elliot answers and then clarifies "Her work partner, we're detectives"

"Is there anyone to call for her?" the doctor asks

"No, I'll sort it. What's wrong with her?"

"She's got a fractured wrist and a laceration on her cheek, she's been incredibly lucky. She's still unconscious, but she should wake soon".

Elliot thanks the doctor before pulling out his cell and dialling Cragen.

"Elliot, where are you? Melinda says you never arrived on scene, I had to send Fin and Munch and Olivia isn't answering her cell?" Cragen rants down the phone

"We're at Mercy. We had an accident. Olivia is unconscious, she's got a fracture in her wrist and a cut on her cheek but she'll be fine"

"Christ Elliot. What happened?"

"We were arguing, and she ran a red light, a car ploughed into the side of her" Elliot cries

"Calm down. Have you phoned Alex?"

"No" Elliot answers coldly

"Jesus Elliot. Why not?"

"We were arguing about her, and I don't want her here"

"I don't care what you want, she's Liv's girlfriend. I'll call her and we'll be there as soon as we can" Cragen says sighing.

Elliot ends the call, and enters the room, taking a seat opposite Olivia; he whispers "I'm so sorry"

Cragen rubs his forehead, the phone to his ear, as he dials Alex's number

"Cabot. Appeals" she answers

"It's Don"

"What is it? Is it Olivia? Oh god, we've only been together a few days" she says panicking, her voice shaky and uncontrolled

"Calm down Alex. She's fine. I'll come get you"

"What happened?" Alex asks

"I'll tell you when I see you. Alex, she's okay" Cragen reiterates, he can sense the panic in Alex's voice

Pulling up to One Hogan Place, Cragen sees Alex pacing the street, she spots him and runs to the car, getting in "What happened?" she asked again

This time, Cragen takes a breath and says "Car accident. She ran a red light"

"What!?" she exclaims, confused, concerned and a little angry "Why on earth would she do that?"

"Elliot" he answers, and Alex scowls at that one word "I think they were arguing"

Alex feels angry, her hands clenched together in her lap, and her eyes dark. "When I get my hands on him" she says to herself

* * *

Meanwhile, Olivia is stirring, when she opens her eyes, she sees Elliot and tries to sit up

"Hey, lay back down. You were in an accident" he says in a tone that is meant to be soothingly but just angers Olivia

"I know. I remember. Leave me alone El"

"I'm sorry Olivia. But you ran that light, not me"

"Get out!" she attempts to scream "It was you, you were pissing me off"

"Liv…I"

"Just go Elliot. I don't want you here" she says, attempting to get out of the bed "OW!"

She cries, and breaks down, when she notices her wrist in a cast. She touches her cheek which is stinging and feels a gauze pad on it.

"Olivia, please" he says "You need to calm down"

"Calm down? Calm fucking down, Elliot, I'm in a hospital bed, I've done god knows what to my wrist, my face has a gauze on it, and it kills like hell and you stand there, telling me to calm down, it's your fucking fault!" she rages, her breath getting more rapid and heavy as she speaks before she falls unconscious, her body convulsing. Nurses rush into the room, and pump medication into her through an IV Drip, her body stills, and the nurse turns to Elliot

"She needs to remain calm. She'll be out of it for a while now" she says

"Elliot!" Cragen barks as he enters the room, he had seen the altercation between the two detectives.

Elliot joins Cragen outside, and Alex is coming down the hall, she stops when she sees Olivia connected to the drip, with machines beeping around her and nurses seeing to her needs. Tears fall down her cheeks, and she turns to Cragen

"You said she was okay"

"She is. She's alright Alex" Elliot says quietly but both Alex and Cragen glare at him

Alex enters the room where Olivia is laying still in the bed; she takes a seat and pulls it closer to the bed, taking Olivia's hand in her own. "I love you Olivia, please wake up" she whispers

Outside, Cragen is furious with Elliot

"What was that just then? You were getting her angry Elliot, and look at her, you did this!" he says firmly, trying not to raise his voice

"I…I didn't...she ran the light not me"

"Elliot, you said you were arguing with her, she was driving fast. She wasn't concentrating. What do you have against Alex?"

"Nothing, she's alright. She's just…"

"Not you. You're married Elliot, and I know you love Liv. But she loves Alex and Alex loves her"

"They aren't right for each other. Alex is a woman and Olivia isn't gay"

"Maybe she's not, but she loves who she loves and it happens to be Alex"

Elliot can't stand to hear anymore, he feels trapped, betrayed and confused about everything, he thought he knew Olivia but maybe he didn't, maybe no one really does. He turns and walks out of the hospital.

Cragen enters Olivia's room; he sighs and puts his hand on Alex's shoulder "She'll be okay" he says

"You said she was. You never told me she was unconscious" she says accusingly

"Because I didn't want to upset you before we got here. Alex, she was conscious when we got here, but Elliot was shouting at her, and she got rattled and then she began to shake, like she was having a fit. Alex, she'll be okay"

"That son of a bitch! I'm gonna kill him"

"That won't help Olivia will it? You need to be strong for her; I'll deal with Elliot, okay. I'm gonna get off, you'll call when she wakes?" he asks

Alex nods, still clutching the brunette's hand, with tears still forming in her eyes and sliding along her cheeks.

**Keep reading, reviewing and enjoying. What's gonna happen next? Will Olivia wake, and will she forgive Elliot? What next for Alex and Olivia?**


	10. Taking care

**A.N: I hope the last chapter was okay. **

**Chapter 10 - Taking care**

It was late evening by the time Olivia woke, she felt sore and a little queasy, but was able to manoeuvre herself so that she was propped up on the pillows; she smiled when she saw Alex asleep in the chair. She sat watching her girlfriend when a nurse came in, she explained to Olivia that she would need to stay overnight, but all being well she would be home early the next day. Olivia was warned that she needed to remain calm and the nurse explained what had happened and in turn, Olivia asked that Elliot not be allowed up to see her.

Around half an hour later, Alex began to stir "Hey" she heard, and this immediately woke her from her sleepy state

"You're awake, Olivia"

"Yes, I do know" Olivia laughed before wincing in pain

"Does it hurt terribly?" Alex asked, her eyes awash with concern

"It's manageable" Olivia replied "How long have to been here?"

"I arrived just after Elliot caused you to have a fit" Alex scowled, her anger for Elliot flaring up

"Don't blame him Alex. Yes, he argued with me about you, but whatever he says, it doesn't change the fact that I love you. I can live without him but I can't live without you. I ran the red light, the crash was my fault, I shouldn't have took the bait in the argument" Olivia explains, she's relatively calm on the outside but she really can't stand Elliot right now.

"I'll do what you want. If you don't want me to blame him, I won't but I'm not blaming you either. Let's just agree to disagree"

Olivia yawns and Alex catches the yawn, driving it through her. "You need to rest Liv"

"I will. And you, go home, get some sleep Al"

"I wish I could stay here, but I'll be back tomorrow and when you can get out of here you're coming to stay with me for a little while. I'm going to see if I can take some time off, I know Cragen won't let you back just yet. Maybe we can go down to my parent's holiday home off Brighton Beach. I always wanted to take you there, and we could go get hot dogs in Coney Island"

"You don't have to. I'll be fine at home. I don't know, I don't really like the water" Olivia says, shyly

"It's my parents holiday home Liv. It's not right on the beach and we don't have to go in the water, but I want to take you, and I know I don't have to. I want to. Olivia, I want to spoil you, treat you like a queen, and cherish every moment we spend together. I love you, more than anything. Let me do this, please" Alex says, the emotion evident behind the blue of her eyes

"Okay. It sounds nice. I'm going to sleep now though" Olivia yawns as she closes her eyes.

Alex leans over and kisses her cheek.

Alex takes a taxi home, as she is entering her apartment building; she hears a familiar voice call "Lex"

She turns and scowls at the woman, "Eleanor, what are you doing here?"

"That's a nice way to greet your ex. You always were cold"

"The operative word in that sentence is ex, Ellie. Now if you don't mind, it's been a busy day and I need to sleep" Alex says, making her way towards her apartment door

"Aren't you inviting me in for coffee?"

"No I'm not. My girlfriend Olivia wouldn't be best pleased"

"You mean that old woman I saw with, who you said was just a friend?"

"She's not old. She was just a friend, but now she's my girlfriend, and I've just come from the hospital"

"Is she sick?" Eleanor asked, without concern

"She was in an accident. I can't believe I'm telling you this; it's none of your business. Just go please" Alex prods

Eleanor takes a step closer and brings her lips to Alex's, whose eyes go wide before she pushes the young woman away "Get off me. What do think you're doing?"

"I thought… Alex I still love you"

"You never loved me. Just go, and don't bother me again"

"That's not true, Lex, I made a mistake but I still love you, I always have"

"I can't deal with his now Eleanor. Please, just leave me alone"

Eleanor grabs Alex's shoulders, forcing her inside the apartment; she pushes her against the wall, her hands now holding both of her wrists, as she kisses Alex hard. Alex tries to break free, struggling against the bigger woman. She uses all her force to knee Eleanor, who loosens her grip, allowing Alex to break free. Eleanor slaps Alex hard on the cheek before leaving "I will be back" she warns

Alex breaks down, her hand touching her cheek where Eleanor's had been, it stung. Alex could taste the woman on her lips, and it made her heave. Sitting on the couch, without even bothering to undress, or make her way to the bedroom, she cries herself to sleep.

* * *

The next morning, when Alex arrives at the hospital, she notices Olivia's bed is empty. She begins to panic when she notices that Olivia's jacket and purse are not where they were the previous night.

"Where did Olivia go?" Alex asks the nurse that had been dealing with them, as she exits the room

"She was discharged about 5 minutes ago; I think she said she was going for a proper coffee. She might be in the restaurant area" the nurse replied.

Alex goes down to the restaurant and sees Olivia sitting at a table alone, sipping on a hot drink

"Olivia, there you are. I was worried about you. Why didn't you call me?" Alex asked, slightly annoyed but relieved at the same time

"You need rest too Alex and I didn't know what time you'd be here. I'm only having coffee, and I did tell that nurse. I'm sorry I worried you though" Olivia said

Alex takes a seat opposite her, and the tears began to fall, she couldn't stop them, they kept falling, and when she choked out an "I love you", Olivia looked up and felt herself tearing too

"I love you too Alex. What's wrong?"

"I thought I was going to lose you, I thought…I just…without you there is nothing for me and…I just…I love you so much" Alex manages to say, the strangled sobs still escaping. Although this is true, the encounter last night with Eleanor is also a factor for the tears. Olivia stood and pulled Alex into an embrace, stroking her hair with her good hand.

Olivia finishes her coffee, and takes Alex's hand, and leads her out of the hospital. Hailing a taxi, Olivia and Alex sit close together, in silence for the entire journey back to Olivia's. They are stopping to get a few things that Olivia wanted and needed before heading to Alex's.

Alex is still feeling a bit vulnerable and Olivia notices that something isn't right. She's trying to figure out in her head the reasons for Alex's demeanour but cannot place it. As she packs a small bag with sweats, t-shirts and pyjamas, as well as a few essentials, Alex sits on the couch, her mind wandering over the last few days, and everything that has happened.

Olivia walks back into the living room, and sees Alex staring straight ahead, a lone tear making its way down her cheek, which Olivia notices is a slight discolouration, almost bruise like.

"Alex? What's wrong?" she prods, tentatively putting her good arm round Alex who flinches before completely breaking down "Hey, Alex. It's okay"

Alex continues to cry, the tears are the kind that overpower your body and cause you to physically shake. Olivia tightens her grip around Alex, pulling her towards her, while stroking her hair awkwardly with her cast bound hand and planting gentle kisses on her forehead. After a while, Alex calms "I'm sorry" she whispers

"What have you got to be sorry for? Alex, tell me what's wrong, what happened to your face?"

"Ellie" she whispers, this causes Olivia to sit up straight, her head swimming with a thousand possibilities.

"Your ex?" she asks and Alex nods, tears beginning to form in her eyes, which Olivia swiftly swipes with her thumb "What happened?"

"She was at my apartment, she was outside when I got there, and she kissed me. I pushed her off, but she forced me inside and pinned me to the wall, she kissed me, and when I kneed her, she slapped me and left. She said she'd be back" Alex explains, the tears now falling once again

"Oh Alex. Why didn't you say something earlier? Alex, has she hurt you before, physically I mean?"

Alex shakes her head, and buries her face into Olivia's shoulder. They sit for a few minutes; Olivia is angry and annoyed but knows that Alex needs her, as much as she needs Alex.

"Have you got everything?" Alex asks

Olivia nods, "Alex, do you want to stay here instead. If you're scared of Eleanor coming back, that's okay. We can stay here"

Alex shakes her head "No. I'm not letting her win. She won't come back, it was just a threat. I'd like to be at home, unless you don't want to come"

"Alex, I'll be wherever you want to be" Olivia says sincerely

"You're the one who needs to rest, and get better. I'm not hurt, I'm just being stupid"

"No, you're not stupid, Alex, don't say that. You're certainly not. It's okay to be scared and unsure; you don't need to pretend for me. I've got a broken wrist; it's not going to cause me anymore discomfort here or at yours. But you need to relax and feel safe, so it's up to you"

"I want to go home" Alex decides, Olivia complies, she's still a little worried but she won't push Alex. They're in this together. It's been an emotional start to their relationship but both women love each other and believe they can overcome whatever is thrown at them.

Olivia has been cleared to drive, although Alex is a bit tentative about allowing it. Alex knows how stubborn and independent Olivia is, and this is part of what attracts her to the brunette. Olivia is nervous, although tries to hide it. She drives carefully and a fair bit under the legal speed.

When they arrive at Alex's, Olivia notices how quiet and tense Alex is, slipping her hand into Alex's she smiles warmly at her girlfriend who nods, the unspoken question asked and answered.

Once inside, Alex relaxes, and sets about making coffee, while Olivia attempts to wash, she is unable to get her cast wet, so a shower is out of the question, and a bath would be far too awkward, so she settles for using a flannel to wash over the parts of her body that require it.

She dries herself and successfully changes into sweats and a t-shirt, she then realises that Alex is wearing the same outfit as she was yesterday. On entering the kitchen, she notices a coffee and note which reads,

"I just popped out for a run. Don't worry about me; I just needed to clear my head. Alex"

Olivia immediately worries, especially as she was asked not to. To her that means, "I'm not okay"

She grabs her cell and dials Alex's number, it goes to the answer phone, and she cuts off before dialling again, this time after two rings a very breathless Alex answers, "I told you not to worry"

"I know, but I do. Where are you?"

"I'm heading back, I'll be five minutes Liv" Alex pants, and Olivia can tell she's still running.

A few minutes later the door flies open. Olivia notices how breathless and weak Alex is, and she pours a coffee, motioning Alex to the couch, and handing her the coffee. She sits next to her, as Alex catches her breath, her body dripping with sweat while she shivers "When did you last eat or drink Alex?"

"Yesterday, I think, or maybe it was Monday evening, and I've had water on and off yesterday while I was waiting for you to wake" Alex says shyly and a little embarrassed, her body calming itself as she takes a couple of sips of the hot beverage

"You need to eat, and drink Alex. Look at you; you went for a run on an empty stomach. You need to take care of yourself. Let me rustle you up something, it's a little late for breakfast, but we can make it brunch. I'm pretty hungry too" Olivia says, heading to the kitchen.

She finds some eggs in the fridge and some bread in the breadbin. She fries the eggs and bread, setting it onto a plate. Alex has fallen asleep, Olivia wouldn't normally wake her, but she needs to eat. Placing the plates on the table, she gently rouses Alex, who opens her eyes, allowing them to dart around the room as she sits up, before letting them fall on Olivia, who smiles "Egg and toast"

"Thanks" Alex whispers, as she takes the plate and begins eating, she finishes in record time, and sighs, running her hand through her hair "How are you feeling Liv?" she asks

"Good. I'm fine Alex. But you're not. Please don't shut me out, we're in this together. You and me, okay. I might be new to dating a woman, but I'm not new to being your friend, that still stands. I care about you and I love you"

"I'm okay" Alex says, she hopes by saying it that it reads true but both she and Olivia know it isn't honest

"You're not. But I'm not going to push you. I'm here okay?" Olivia says, kissing Alex on the cheek

"I called Liz. She's fine with me taking a few days. I'm not just doing it for you, before you argue, I need the time myself. She did want you to head to the precinct this afternoon to meet the new ADA, but I said I'd tell you and find out if you wanted to go, I don't really think you should be out so quick after the accident, but I said I'd ask you"

"It's okay. I don't really want to see Elliot, but I guess I have to meet the new ADA, and well, if the guys are meeting her, maybe I should at the same time. It would make it easier, and I'd like to see the guys, baring Elliot, but I guess we can't ignore him forever"

"No. But if you think it's too soon, we don't have to go" Alex says

"We? Do you need to be there?" Olivia asks "Not that I wouldn't want you, I just"

"I want to" Alex says quietly

"Okay. But please don't go off at Elliot"

"I won't. Liz says she's bringing her in this afternoon, about 2pm"

"Okay. That's fine. Alex, are you worried about being here on your own?" Olivia asks, she hadn't failed to notice Alex's eagerness to come with her, and she isn't convinced it's for her benefit.

"Sort of. Maybe we should go to my parent's holiday place in Brighton Beach. It's silly, she didn't even do anything" Alex says

"She did. She forced herself on to you, and she hurt you. She might do something worse next time"

"Gee, thanks for making me feel better" Alex says coldly, before leaving the couch and heading to her bedroom. Lying on the bed, she closes her eyes, trying to keep the tears in, but failing.

Olivia feels annoyed with herself "Way to go Benson" she thinks.

She goes in search of Alex, opening the bedroom door, she hears gentle sobbing coming from the blonde, she approaches and sits beside Alex, and tentatively puts her hand on Alex's shoulder "I'm sorry" she whispers "I didn't mean to upset you"

Alex turns and gives a small smile "I know"

"Come here" Olivia motions to Alex, who pulls herself up the bed, so she is resting against the headboard, her head on Olivia shoulder, as Olivia embraces her, planting a sweet kiss on her forehead. Alex looks up, and brings her lips to Olivia's, the kiss is sweet and soft, it's not passionate but is still full of love. Alex pulls away and rests her head on Olivia's shoulder once again.

**Reviews are still welcome. I'd like to know what you think, if you have any ideas, requests or things you'd like to happen. How should Olivia deal with Elliot? Will Eleanor come back? and in the next chapter, one of my favourite characters is brought into the story! **


	11. Meeting the new ADA

**A.N: Thank you to those still reading, whether you review or not, to know this is being looked at and read, is a great feeling**

**Chapter 11 - Meeting the new ADA**

Alex and Olivia spend the rest of the morning watching random shows on the television. Olivia makes sandwiches which they eat before they get ready to head to the precinct. Olivia is adjusting to using just one arm fairly quickly, and Alex feels a pride for her girlfriend, she always loved how strong Olivia was, and its times like these, when she's hurt but still independent and taking care of Alex that make her heart swell.

"What?" Olivia asks, noticing Alex's eyes on her

"I'm just thinking, you're so strong Liv. Plus, you're really beautiful too. I'm just admiring you"

"Well, come a little closer, and let me admire you. You're gorgeous" Olivia says, pulling Alex in for a kiss. It begins slowly, but becomes deeper and more needy. Alex bites down gently on Olivia's lower lip, tugging it before kissing it gently, which causes Olivia to moan with pleasure. Alex's hands are on Olivia's waist and Olivia takes control, pushing Alex towards the couch. When they reach the edge of the couch, Olivia gently pushes Alex down, and crawls up her, so her knees are level with the blonde's waist. The kiss is growing heavier, a fight of tongues and teeth, swirling and biting gently. Olivia pulls away, and slides her hands under Alex's t-shirt, colliding with the bare flesh of Alex's torso, Olivia's breath hitches. Alex moans under the touch and leans up to recapture the brunette's lips, her own hands on Olivia's back, gripping her shirt. When Alex begins to feel Olivia's hands on her skin inches away from the underwire of her bra, her body arches into Olivia before she releases her grip on the brunette and breaks the kiss.

"What's up?" Olivia asks, nervously

"I'm not ready for this" she says quietly, all of a sudden feeling unsure

"Sorry" Olivia apologises rising from the position, as Alex curls into herself

"No, it's not you. I'm sorry Olivia, I was really enjoying that. You really turned me on, but I don't know, I want to…it's just" she sighs, wringing her hands together nervously "I haven't since Eleanor"

"Oh" Olivia says realising what Alex is saying

"It's just, I don't know. I want to with you, but..." she trails off

"It's fine. I understand" Olivia says, reaching out for the blonde who shuffles closer, allowing Olivia to hold her.

"It's nearly half one. We should get going" Alex says

"I guess" Olivia says, she's nervous about seeing Elliot, but knows that it needs to be done.

Arriving at the 1-6, Olivia takes Alex's hand, both needing each other's contact. Olivia takes a deep breath which is followed by Alex copying the gesture. As they enter the squad room, Fin and Munch stand to greet the ladies

"Hey. How you feeling Olivia?" Fin asks warmly, they are all now aware of the circumstances involving the accident, Cragen having to explain to them when he returned from the hospital, as Elliot was in a rage in the crib.

"I'm okay. A bit uncomfortable, but I'm okay" Olivia answers, allowing Fin to give her a swift hug, followed by Munch.

"Hey counsellor" Fin smiles at Alex

"It's Alex. You don't need to be all formal anymore" Alex says, smiling.

"Alex" Munch says sitting back in his chair

Olivia turns to Elliot who is trying not to use eye contact to either woman. "Hi El"

"Hey" he says, his head bowed low

Olivia walks up to him and turns his face so she can see his eyes. They are sad, and Olivia swiftly pulls him into a tight hug "I don't blame you" she says

"She does" he says, his eyes flicking to Alex

"I don't like you but I'm not holding grudges" Alex explains although her discomfort shown in her posture as she leans against Olivia's desk.

Cragen comes out of his office, and smiles at the women, giving them a wave as he approaches.

"Hi Liv, Alex" he says "Liz is on her way up"

Just then the elevator doors ping and Liz enters the squad room followed by a red haired woman, who looks calm and controlled, she smiles warmly at the gang. Dressed in a dark suit, with a green shirt and her hair loosely hanging on her shoulders, Olivia notices how different she is to Alex, just the way she stands, walks, smiles. She also notices the look between Alex and Casey, and it gives her a strange uneasy feeling.

"Hey" Liz greets "This is ADA Casey Novak. She's your new ADA"

"Nice to meet you" Casey says, her eyes moving around the room

Cragen steps forward, extending his hand "Captain Donald Cragen"

"Nice to meet you" Casey repeats shaking his hand

One by one the detectives introduce themselves, before Casey turns to Alex, "Alex" she says smiling

"Casey" Alex answers, also smiling before both woman start laughing and Alex pulls the red haired woman into a tight hug "When did you get back to new York?" she asks

"April. About a month ago after Eleanor called me, said she'd seen you. She was a mess Alex. What did you do to her?"

Alex scowls and shakes her head "Not here" she whispers and Casey nods. Olivia looks between the two women, trying to figure what she's missed

"Well, I'm sure it will be a pleasure working with you all. Now I'll await my first call" she says smiling before following Liz into the elevator

"Come over later Casey, and we'll talk" Alex calls. Casey nods as the elevator doors close.

Olivia looks questionably at Alex. The look is noticed by Cragen "Get back to work guys. See you soon ladies. You're taking a week, Olivia and no arguments" he says

"I've got some time off to Don. So we're going to head to my parents place in Brighton Beach" Alex explains

Cragen nods, and enters his office

Olivia follows Alex into the elevator, determined to find out what just happened between the two ADA's

"Casey and I go way back, we've never been more than friends. Casey is totally straight Liv, trust me. She set me and Eleanor up; she's known Eleanor since they were kids"

"And she thinks you hurt Eleanor?" Olivia questions

"I wonder what that bitch has told her, and I've not been with Ellie for a long time. After we broke up, Eleanor moved to Georgia and Casey went back home to Colorado. I lost touch with Casey but I knew she'd come back eventually, she's a city girl. I'd heard on the grapevine she was back, and working at the DA's Office, I think she was in white collar"

"She said Eleanor called her in March after she'd seen you. I thought you hadn't seen her since you split" Olivia prodded; she was trying to take in all this information as they stood by Olivia's car.

"It totally slipped my mind Olivia. I was doing some shopping and she was working in one of the stores, it may have been Macy's. She laughed at me when my card was declined, I had brought the wrong wallet out with me and it was my old card, I was angry, at seeing her and remembering how she hurt me, so I lunged at her and ended up being dragged out by security. Luckily the officer that arrested me knew who I was, and he let me off. Eleanor didn't want to press charges. I'm guessing she rang Casey. You see, they were best friends, and I was just Casey's friend. We lost touch when she moved. I haven't seen her since she moved, Olivia"

"Jesus Alex. So she's coming over later?"

"I guess" Alex said, climbing into the passenger seat as Olivia got in the car.

Later that evening, after they had ordered Chinese, they were snuggling on the couch, when there was a knock at the door. Looking through the keyhole, Alex saw the slim figure of Casey, she opened the door and gave a small smile to the red head who handed her a bottle of wine "I brought booze" she said

"Thanks. Come in" Alex offered

Casey noticed Olivia sitting on the couch and looked at Alex, her eyes asking the question before she spoke "Are you and Olivia?"

"Yeah, we are" Alex smiled, sitting on the couch beside her girlfriend, taking her hand. "It's pretty new"

"I'm happy for you Alex" Casey said taking a seat in the armchair opposite "What was all that about at the precinct?"

"Eleanor's been causing trouble. When she phoned you, did she say what happened? Has she told you how she laughed at me when my card was declined in Macy's?"

"Um, no. She said you attacked her"

"She provoked me Casey. She really hurt me when I found out she'd been cheating"

"She cheated on you?"

"That's why we broke up, I'm sure I told you" Alex said accusingly

"No, you just said she wasn't a part of your life anymore. She told me that you'd broke up with her, for no reason"

"She was cheating on me the whole time we were together Casey! I tried to kill myself because it hurt that much!" Alex raged. Olivia put her arm around her, trying to calm her down

"Oh my gosh. Really?" Casey asked, feeling annoyed and angry that her best friend had lied to her, and also seeing how upset Alex was and to hear that Alex had wanted to die, it really angered her

"Yes. Casey, she forced herself on to me last night. We bumped into her a couple of days ago, didn't we Liv? Before we were together and then she came here last night, trying to kiss me, she hurt me" Alex said, pointing to her cheek

Casey gasped, and stood, taking a seat on the couch on the opposite side to Olivia, she pulled Alex into a hug

"I'm sorry Alex. I didn't know any of this. Why did you not tell me? Well, you thought you had. But Alex, you could have phoned me"

"I knew she was your best friend. I hadn't seen her until that day in Macy's, and I didn't want to cause a rift between you two" Alex explained

"Oh Alex. I know she isn't perfect, but I wish I'd have known what had really happened"

"Would you like a coffee Casey?" Olivia asked

"Yes please" Casey answered as Olivia headed to the kitchen

"So, you and Olivia, eh?" Casey said, nudging Alex

"Yeah, she's new to dating a woman. She isn't exactly gay, but I really love her, and she says she loves me. I feel safe with her, not like when I was with Ellie. Even at the beginning, it wasn't as relaxed as it is with Liv"

Casey smiled sadly "I do wish you'd have told me"

"What are you going to do, Casey? Eleanor's your best friend, I don't want this to come between you"

"I'm going to have it out with her. Alex, what did she do last night?"

"She pinned me to the wall, holding my wrists and kissed me. I gave her a good kneeing and she slapped me, hard. She said she'd be back. I don't know when, but I'm scared"

"You think she'll hurt you again? Actually don't answer that. She will, I know. She's been angry a lot lately, and I knew she'd crack eventually. It had caused arguments between us, and the last time we spoke she threw a vase across the room"

Alex's eyes went wide and she began to feel anxious, tears slipping down her cheeks, and her body shaking with fear. Casey noticed the change and called out "Olivia!"

Olivia came running into the room, hearing the panic in Casey's voice "What happened?" she asked, kneeling in front of Alex.

"She told me about Eleanor and I told her that she would come back, and that she'd been angry lately. Then she started to cry and shake" Casey explained

"Alex? Alex, breathe. Look at me" Olivia urged the blonde, taking her hands and grasping them. She looked directly into the blue eyes as she spoke

Alex began to breathe heavier, and Olivia pulled herself up so she was able to take the blonde into her arms, "Breathe with me. In…one, two, three and out…one, two, three and in"

Casey looked on at the two women, seeing the love in Olivia's words and actions.

Alex relaxed and mirrored Olivia's breathing, she had stopped crying as Olivia sat beside her pulling her close.

"Maybe I should go" Casey said, getting up

Olivia nodded, she wasn't sure what to do, but Alex answered, "No, stay Casey. I'm good"

Casey sat back down and looked at Olivia who shrugged "Are you sure?" Casey prompted

Alex shifted and turned to look at Casey; she smiled and nodded "What have you been up to then, Novak?"

Casey hesitated, she wasn't sure that staying would be the right thing "Nothing much. I've been at white collar since I got back, it's pretty full on, so I've been working mostly"

"Boyfriend?" Alex asked, as Olivia went back to the kitchen to finish the coffee she had been making

Casey laughed "You are joking right? There hasn't been anyone for a while. I just don't get time to date"

"That's bull Casey and you know it. Are you looking forward to working with the guys in SVU?"

"Yeah, they seem nice. Olivia does, anyway. What are the others like? I heard you were the ADA before me, why did you leave?"

"Olivia" Alex replied "I didn't want to keep her a secret, so we decided it would be best for me to transfer out"

"I see. What happened to her wrist, and face?"

"She was in an accident yesterday" Alex explained

"Oh gosh. So, the guys, what are they like?"

"Cragen is a great captain; he's like a father to Liv. Munch is a bit of a strange one, he's into conspiracy theories, everything is a conspiracy, and you'll learn that. Fin's a great guy, he's pretty laid back, but he's a great detective. And Elliot…" she says, sighing as she trails off

"Is a jerk" Olivia finishes bringing in the coffees on a tray

"That bad uh?" Casey says laughing at the choice of words, but also sensing there is something behind it

"He's the reason she was in an accident" Alex says, gaining a look from Olivia

"No, he isn't. He's my partner, we were arguing and I wasn't concentrating, and ran a red light" Olivia explained, setting the tray on the coffee table

"He was arguing about us. And then he caused you to have a fit in the hospital" Alex scowled, she couldn't work out why Olivia was defending him, but she had seen how easy she had accepted him when they were in the squad room earlier.

"Can we not talk about Elliot? He's a good detective, Casey" Olivia said

"How long are you off for?" Casey asked changing the subject

"A week"

"I'm taking Olivia to my parent's place in Brighton Beach tomorrow" Alex explains

"That'll be good for you both" Casey says, she drinks some of the coffee, before standing "I really better be off. Text me tomorrow Alex, and I'll call you sometime in the week. Take care of each other okay?"

Alex nods and stands, pulling her friend into a hug.

"I'll look forward to working with you Olivia" Casey says, smiling, drawing the brunette into a hug

"And you" Olivia says, pulling back and taking Alex's hand as they see Casey to the door.

Once she has gone Alex showers and gets herself ready for bed, while Olivia puts the coffee cups into the sink.

Alex comes from the bathroom, and they swap places, so Olivia can shower.

When Olivia is finished, she asks Alex "Have you got a blanket for the couch?"

Alex laughs "My bed not good enough for you Liv?"

"No, no. I just didn't know what you wanted, so I didn't want to presume"

"I just want you beside me, to hold me and for me to hold you, but I don't want to hurt you arm, I mean if you think it would be better, I don't know" Alex says, she's trying to explain but its getting anxious

"Hey. Calm down. Alex, its fine. If you want me with you, I will. I'm okay" she says giving the blonde a chaste kiss on the lips

They climb onto the bed and slip under the covers. Alex lays her head on Olivia's chest, she's still tense.

"Alex?" Olivia worries "You know what happened after you found Eleanor had cheated, have you ever….?"

"Thought or tried to kill myself again, you mean?" Alex replies, her head still on the brunettes chest

"Uh, yeah" Olivia says quietly, she didn't want to ask, but she'd been thinking about it while she showered, and it scared her to think that Alex had tried before

"No" Alex whispered, but both knew that it wasn't the complete truth. Olivia wouldn't push Alex, but she was certain to keep an eye on her.

Alex closed her eyes and promptly drifted into a deep sleep; Olivia lay there watching the blonde before joining her in sleep.

**I just had to bring Casey in here. I love Novak almost as much as I love Cabot, so it just seemed natural. Reviews appreciated**


	12. Proof

**A.N: Thank you for the reviews on the previous chapter. **

**Eva Martinez: It's a complicated story between Olivia and Elliot, it may have seemed she forgave him easily but not everything is at is originally looks. And also, Casey doesn't believe Alex totally, but at the same time, they were very good friends and she can see how emotional Alex is. This chapter shows the struggle that Casey has in understanding and choosing what to believe. **

**IBME: Thank you for your ideas regarding what you'd like to see happen. I will take what you said into consideration. **

**Chapter 12 - Proof**

Casey sat on the couch in Eleanor's apartment, the brunette sitting across from her

"I swear, I didn't cheat on Alex, and I didn't hurt her whenever she said I did" Eleanor says adamantly for the third time that evening.

After speaking to Alex, Casey wanted to hear Eleanor's side of the story, while she had approached the matter with Alex and accepted it, she wasn't entirely convinced of the blonde's story.

Eleanor had been her friend for such a long time, they were best friends, they knew everything about each other and she believed what Eleanor told her, but she was having trouble. Alex had been so upset, she was terrified, Casey had seen that look before, and she understood it. But sitting here, after Eleanor had looked her in the eye and denied that what Alex had said was true, Casey didn't know who or what to believe.

Eleanor knelt in front of her best friend, "I didn't hurt her Casey" she said

Usually Casey could tell when her best friend wasn't being truthful but this time, she didn't know. She believed Alex, but she also believed Eleanor, how could she not, they'd been best friends for as long as both could remember.

Casey sighed "I know"

"Really?" Eleanor asked, and then backtracked "I wouldn't hurt anyone"

"Seriously, I doubt that but I do believe you" Casey said.

After a few hours of talking, Casey said goodnight to her friend, pulling her into a hug before leaving and heading home.

As she climbed into bed, her head swam, with a thousand thoughts. Eleanor was her best friend, and she did believe her, but she still couldn't shake the vulnerability Alex had shown earlier. She looked at her watch, it was nearly midnight. Alex would be asleep, so she'd have to wait until the morning to call her, as she closed her eyes; she heard her phone announce a text message

_"Thank you for believing me, Case. I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't. I promise you, I'll never lie to you about this. El xx"_

Casey smiled and then sighed, before settling into a troubled sleep.

* * *

Olivia woke early the next morning, her wrist was sore from the position she had found herself in, but she managed to move to make herself more comfortable, but the movement awoke Alex, who smiled "Hey" she whispered, her voice thick with the throes of sleep

"Morning" Olivia smiled

"Did you sleep okay? How's your wrist?"

"It's okay" Olivia lied

"Liv, I can read you like a book. It's not okay is it?"

"It's just a little sore. Just numb, it'll be fine in a few minutes" Olivia said rising into a sitting position.

Alex joined her, before getting up to shower. They took turns in the bathroom, and while Olivia was finishing up, Alex grabbed her holdall, piling some clothes and essentials into it for their trip.

They put their bags into the boot of Olivia's car, before climbing in and setting off.

They spent most of the journey making small talk, Olivia could sense that Alex was relaxing the further away they got, as Alex pulled out her cell "I'm just going to text Casey" she said, typing quickly

_"Casey. Olivia and I are on our way to Brighton Beach. I said I'd text; I'll call you later or tomorrow. Alex x"_

She fiddled her thumbs as they pulled off of Belt Parkway, before her cell vibrated

_"Don't bother. Why did you lie to me?"_ she read before bursting into tears. Olivia stopped the car abruptly, before touching Alex's shoulder

"Baby, what's wrong?" she asked, concerned

"Casey believes Eleanor, I think. Look…" she said handing the phone to Olivia

"Damn that woman!" Olivia exclaimed annoyed

"I guess I expected it. Ellie is her best friend Olivia. I haven't seen her in years, she wouldn't believe me over her, I guess last night she just played me" Alex said, trying to calm the tears that were falling

Olivia hushed the blonde, and wiped away her tears "Let's get where we're going and I'll call her"

"No. Don't. She doesn't want me to"

"Well I want to talk to her, and you should too" Olivia said, stepping on the gas.

As they pulled up in the drive, Olivia was taken aback by the beauty of the house "Wow" she said

Alex laughed lightly "It's beautiful, isn't it?"

"Yes" Olivia breathed, climbing out of the car and walking to the porch. She smiled as she felt the hands of her girlfriend snake around her waist, she giggled before turning to Alex

"I love you" Alex whispered, she headed back to the car and grabbed the bags before unlocking the door, stepping inside; she nodded to Olivia to follow.

Olivia looked around the hall, taking in the interior, which was simple but classy; there was a mixture of metal piping and wooden beams that complemented each other very well, to Olivia's surprise.

Alex set the bags down and took her hand, leading her into a grand living room, with high beams and plain but beautiful furniture

"This is so homely" Olivia stated, touching the walls and décor

"Yeah" Alex said, she had become nervous, knowing the impeding phone call she had to make

"Casey?" Olivia questioned, knowing where Alex's thoughts were. Alex nodded and sat down on the couch. Olivia sat beside her and pulled her close.

"I guess I better get this out of the way" she said, scrolling her contacts until she found Casey's number, putting the phone to her ear, tears made her way down her cheeks, and she tried to fight them and remain calm

"Novak" she heard on the other end, and her breath caught the sobs that were escaping before she spoke

"Its Alex…I…Case, I…I wasn't…" she said, overcome with emotion, she felt her breath become ragged and hands slipped the cell out of her own

"Casey. It's Olivia. Alex is really upset, she isn't lying to you" Olivia said

"Olivia, Eleanor looked me in the eye and told me she never cheated or hurt Alex. I believe her"

"How can you? I know she's your best friend, but you saw Alex, she was hyperventilating when she told you. I was with her when she bumped into her, she was really upset at seeing her after all this time, she cried herself to sleep, she was really shaken up" Olivia explained, she was angry and annoyed at the woman on the phone. She pulled Alex towards her, and stroked her cheek while she continued into the phone "She's proper torn up Casey. Listen to her"

She stopped talking so that Casey could hear the strangled sobs coming from Alex

"Olivia, I don't know. I believe Ellie because she's my best friend, but I know Alex is hurt, I saw it and I can hear it. I just…don't know what to believe"

"Believe Alex, because she IS telling the truth Casey. I know it. I know it"

"I can't. I don't know. I'm going to figure this out"

"Casey, go to the Ritz bar on West 46th, get the security tapes, and then get the tapes from Alex's building, outside and at Alex's apartment, you'll see her there. Please. Believe me and believe Alex" Olivia urges, hoping there is something on those tapes that proves Alex isn't lying

"I don't know" Casey says

"Just do it. I'll call you later. Now I need to calm Alex down" Olivia says, ending the call and tossing the phone beside her

She pulls Alex towards her, settling them both in the corner of the couch, stroking the blonde's cheek; she kisses her temple "She'll find out the truth Alex"

Alex sighs and manages to calm herself before shaking her head "I don't care"

"Yes, you do. I know you do" Olivia says.

Alex gets up, and pulls Olivia's hand "Come on, let me show you this place"

Olivia tentatively follows, going from room to room, while she hears some of what Alex is saying, her thoughts are on Alex's emotions, and they are scaring her a little.

"Olivia?" Alex says "Stop thinking. I'm okay"

Olivia sighs "But you're not Alex. I know you're not, and it frightens me. Promise me you'll talk to me. Anything that is bothering you, upsetting you, you'll tell me?"

Alex nods and pulls Olivia towards her; she captures the brunette's lips with her own, her hands resting on Olivia's back, pulling her close. They parted lips and Alex continued to hold Olivia, both of them relaxed with each other. But Olivia still not a hundred percent happy.

* * *

Casey walks into her office, with the security tapes in her hand; she put them on the table and ran her hand through her hair.

Sighing, she picks up the first, which were the tapes from The Ritz on the night in question. Pushing the tape into the VCR, she sat on the couch she had brought in, and waited. She sat for about 15 minutes, watching the coming and goings of the punters; she had seen Alex enter the bar alone. She watched as she saw Olivia approach, and then enter the bar. She continued to watch as Olivia came out with Alex, holding her steady. Casey could tell she was drunk. She then saw Eleanor approach, and she took a deep breath. So they had seen each other, that much was true. She could make out a heated discussion in which neither made physical contact with each until Eleanor walked into the bar and brushed past the blonde. She noticed Alex stumble and Olivia hold her up. The footage was grainy, and all this showed was that Alex was drunk, and that they had seen each other. Sighing she switched off the VCR, and closed her eyes.

She didn't know what this was going to achieve. Nothing had given her concrete proof of either woman's story. But at the back of her mind, she hoped to see nothing. She didn't want to believe Alex, but couldn't deny the state Alex had been in, each time they'd seen each other or spoken.

She changed the tapes, and sat back. Nothing interesting appeared until towards the end of the tape, when she noticed Eleanor standing outside the building. So, they had seen each other this day too, Eleanor hadn't denied it, just that she hadn't hurt the blonde. Casey watched the screen as she saw Alex enter the building, followed by Eleanor.

Sighing, she turned off the tape, replacing it with the last tape, which was situated outside Alex's apartment, as she switched it on, she noticed how close the footage was, and realised this camera was positioned directly outside. She watches, and her breath hitches when she sees both ladies arrive at the door, she can see the tension in Alex as they talk, although the discussion doesn't seem particularly heated. Casey then watches as they kiss, Eleanor stepping forward to initiate it. It lasts less than a second as Casey watches Alex forcefully push Eleanor away. Then she watches Eleanor push Alex into the apartment, the camera angle shows everything, how Eleanor pinned Alex, gripping her wrist, the panic in Alex's eyes evident, and then Alex using her knee to break free. She sees Eleanor lean in to the blonde and then leave, before watching Alex slide down the wall, kicking the door shut.

Casey then realises the tears on her own cheeks, she stares at the screen. She had an idea that Olivia would only tell her to check the tapes because she truly believed Alex, and now Casey was torn because this proved she was being honest and that Eleanor wasn't.

Angry and totally pissed, she stands, locking the tapes away in her desk drawer, she grabs her purse and rushes out of her office. She's going to confront Eleanor, and this time, she won't stop until she gets her to fess up.

**That button below is calling for you to review, and please do. **


	13. Casey's RampageEleanor Returns

**A.N: I know you were all looking forward to a showdown between Casey and Eleanor, but I already had an idea where to take this, so while there is a confrontation, it may be slightly different to what you wanted or expected.**

**Chapter 13 - Casey's Rampage/ Eleanor returns**

Casey pulled up outside Eleanor's apartment. Her heart is pounding with anticipation. She cannot believe she's going to do this, but she never believed that she'd actually need to, she trusted Eleanor, and that hurts more than anything. The one person who she could always count on had lied to her face. They'd have arguments and disagreements and Eleanor hadn't always been truthful but they'd been little white lies, nothing major but this, this was different and Casey didn't know if she could get past this betrayal.

Banging on the door, Casey took a deep breath. She could hear movement inside and Eleanor call "Okay, I'm coming". The door flew open "Casey?" Eleanor questions

"You lied to me!" Casey raged "You actually looked me in the eye and lied! How could you, how could you hurt Alex and then lie to me? You're my best friend and I thought I was yours, and Alex is our friend!"

"Alex is your friend, not mine and secondly you haven't seen her in years. Casey, come in, don't scream at me in the hall" Eleanor said calmly, pulling her friend inside

"You bitch! You act like you've done nothing wrong and Alex is absolutely petrified of you!" Casey screamed lunging at the brunette who was uncharacteristically calm and unfazed by her best friends rage

"I don't know what's got into you Case. But I'm not lying about anything!" Eleanor shouted

Casey stopped, and looked at Eleanor, how could she be so adamant? Casey knew she was lying yet Eleanor was denying it, and relatively calmly. But of course she didn't know Casey had proof and Casey wasn't going to tell her.

"I'm sorry" Casey said quietly, her rage still bubbling inside

"I wouldn't lie to you Casey. I thought you believed me" Eleanor said taking a seat

"Alex is so emotional every time she tells me what you did. And you're so calm. How can you be calm when she's saying all this? She's with Olivia at her parents place in Brighton Beach and she called me, she was proper upset" Casey questioned, she was trying a different tactic, and wasn't sure it would work

"Because I know the truth and I know she can't prove it" Eleanor said, her lips forming a wicked smile. Casey thought to herself "Eleanor hadn't noticed the camera's, that's a bonus"

"I've got to go El, I have an arraignment but I'll come over later" Casey explained

Once she had left the building, she got in the car and drove around the corner; she hoped her plan had worked. She was still raging; she allowed a few tears to trickle down her cheeks. She was so confused about all these events but now she knew the truth, she felt terrible for Alex. She sat for a few minutes and kept her eyes on the garage where she knew Eleanor parked her Corvette. Sure enough, she saw it emerge and head right, for a split second Casey thought about following but then thought of another way to catch her.

Pulling out her cell she dialled Alex's number, but received the voicemail.

"Alex, I think Eleanor's heading your way. I'll explain when I get there. Tell Olivia. Don't let her in. Don't open the door" she said before ending the call

She then started the engine, the first part of her plan had worked, but now she needed to work on part 2 and she needed help. She hoped she could get it at the 1-6.

Riding the elevator she hoped Detective Tutuola would be in the squad room and not out on a case. She hoped she could count on him, because she wasn't keen on the other options. She didn't want to involve Elliot because she wasn't sure what had transpired between him and Olivia, and knew he didn't like Alex all that much. And as for Munch, well she didn't fancy the chances with his conspiracy theories. She'd already witnessed and been caught in one of his them.

As she stepped out of the elevator, she was relieved to find Detective Tutuola at his desk

"Detective Tutuola, I need your help for a bit" she called, he looked up and raised an eyebrow at Munch and Elliot who were sitting at their respective desks

"Miss Novak, How can I be of help? What do you need? Is the brown case?" Fin asked

"Call me Casey. Detective, it's a personal matter. Is there somewhere we can talk?"

"Okay Casey. Um, I think there's an interview room free" he said rising, flashing a confused look at the other detectives before following

When they were inside the interview room Casey started pacing and Fin looked concernedly at the red haired woman

"Spit it out" he urged

"Okay. Alex's ex has been causing problems, she tried to kiss Alex and forced herself on her and slapped her. This was on Tuesday when Alex went home. Basically, Eleanor told me nothing happened and I believed her. She's my best friend. Well, Olivia told me to check the security tapes, I don't know how she knew that they'd show everything but they do and I went to confront Eleanor but she was really calm and was baiting, so I let slip where Alex and Olivia were staying and left, and now Eleanor is headed in that direction. I need you to say that you were following an enquiry, and that you got the tapes, and I need you to come with me to Brighton Beach. I don't know what Eleanor is going to do and I need back up" She explained hurriedly, aware that the longer they were here the more time they were losing.

"Right, we better hurry then" Fin said, opening the door and rushing down the hall, he had formulated his own plan while listening to Casey, and knew they were on limited time. He was slightly pissed that Casey had taken the tapes without coming to him first, but they'd get around that. He didn't even know if Alex was going to press charges, but he knew Casey was covering the bases.

* * *

Meanwhile, in Brighton Beach, Alex and Olivia were enjoying time together, they were in the back yard, snuggled on the love swing, enjoying the breeze, while it was a little chilly, the warmth of each other was comforting. Alex noticed the light on her phone flashing, and she picked up, noticing the missed call, she raised her eyebrows

"What is it?" Olivia asked from beside the blonde

"Casey called. I must have left it on silent. She left a voicemail"

"Put it on speaker" Olivia told Alex

"Alex, I think Eleanor's heading your way. I'll explain when I get there. Tell Olivia. Don't let her in. Don't open the door" on hearing this Olivia's eyes flashed with concern while Alex dropped the phone and began trembling. Olivia stood pulling her from the swing and leading her inside. She guided Alex to the couch, before locking the back door and checking all the windows and making sure the front door was locked.

She sat beside Alex who was trembling through fear "It's going to be fine. Casey's on her way. You heard what she said"

Casey allowed Fin to take the squad car; she sat in the passenger seat as they sped through the traffic, sirens blaring. Fin knew that this was an emergency; he'd told the Captain that he was needed on a case, and would fill him in when he returned. He vowed that it was important, and Casey would be attending.

She dialled Alex's cell, hoping the blonde had heard the message and would answer this time. She was aware that Eleanor wasn't a fast driver, and she hoped they'd make good time with Fin driving.

"Hello" she heard as the ringing switched over

"Olivia?" Casey questioned

"Yes. We just got your message. Alex is terrified. Where are you?"

"We're about half an hour away. Is Eleanor there yet?" Casey asked, taking a breath as she waited for the answer

"No. And what do you mean we?"

"Detective Tutuola and I. I needed back up, and seemed the logical answer. I know Alex was telling the truth. How did you know the tapes would show something?"

"I didn't. I just knew there was a camera outside her apartment door" Olivia explained

"Well, I saw everything, so that was a good call. I am really sorry for not believing you and Alex. Just don't let Eleanor in, sit tight" Casey said before hanging up

Alex had heard most of the conversation and had managed to calm down enough to ask "What about the camera?"

"I told Casey to check the tapes. She knows you're telling the truth. She said she saw everything"

"The door!" Alex realised "it was open when she was pinning me"

"Alex. Do you want to press charges? Casey's on her way with Fin"

"No, no. I don't want to. I just want to forget this. I couldn't deal with a trial, and I just, I don't know"

"There wouldn't need to be a trial would there, I mean if they have the tapes, that's proof beyond reasonable doubt. No-one can try and deny what happened, right?"

"We don't even know what the tapes show. And Casey didn't have a warrant for them did she?"

"I don't know, probably not" Olivia said disheartened

They sat in silence, nervously awaiting the arrival of Eleanor. Nearly 35 minutes later, there was a knock on the door, causing Alex to jump.

"It's Casey" she heard and breathed a sigh of relief, nodding to Olivia to let them in

"Alex?" Casey said rushing over the blonde "I am so sorry" pulling her into a hug before turning to Olivia who was looking at Fin with relief

"She hasn't shown?" Casey asked

Olivia shook her head "Maybe she wasn't coming down here"

"Maybe she got lost. I never brought her here, she has the address but we never came here" Alex whispered before looking towards Fin "Fin, what are you doing here?"

"Casey needed my help. Alex, do you want to press charges?"

Alex shook her head "No"

"What?!" Casey exclaimed, while she was relieved because Eleanor was still her best friend regardless of what she had done, yet she had never known Alex to let something go

"What did you actually see on the tapes Casey?" Alex questioned "I can't go through a trial. I just can't do it. And you wouldn't be able to prosecute anyway, and I don't want to deal with it, I just want to forget. She only slapped me, it would be misdemeanour and she wouldn't serve time. It's not worth it"

"You're right. I hate to admit it. But I saw everything on those tapes, how she kissed you, pushed you inside, and held you by the wrists, that camera is awfully close" Casey explained

"You're probably glad she doesn't want to press charges Casey. Eleanor is your best friend" Olivia argued

"Yes, she is. But Alex is my friend also. I know the truth, and I don't know what I'm going to do about El" Casey said

"Well you better hurry, cos I think she's just arrived" Fin announced looking out of the window

"Casey, hide in the kitchen, you too Fin" Alex ordered

"What are you going to do?" Olivia asked as Casey and Fin hurried into the kitchen, leaving the door slightly ajar

"I'm going to let her in" Alex said quietly to a shocked Olivia

* * *

There was a loud rat-a-tat on the door "Alex!" Eleanor called through the door

Alex nervously, with a shaking hand opened the door "Ellie"

"Can I come in?" Eleanor asked stepping in without an answer; she looked at Olivia and then Alex

"You'll be sorry you told Casey!" she almost shouted

"No, I won't because I told the truth" Alex said, her voice calmly betraying the frightened emotions inside

"You don't scare us" Olivia said bravely.

This pushed Eleanor over the edge as she grabbed an ornament from the fire place swinging it in Olivia's direction; Olivia ducked as Alex attempted to tackle Eleanor, pulling her to the ground.

Eleanor laughed and brought the ornament down on Alex's head, who promptly screamed in pain as she went limp with unconsciousness.

"Alex!" Olivia screeched, as the kitchen door flew open and Fin pointed his gun at Eleanor

"Police! Drop your weapon now" he ordered, this caused Eleanor to backtrack and drop the ornament. She looked at Alex and smiled, she held her hands out for Fin to cuff her as he led her outside

"Call a bus!" Olivia screamed at Casey, who was rooted to the spot.

**Uh oh. Will Alex be okay? What will happen to Eleanor? **


	14. Remembering

**Chapter 14 - Remembering **

Olivia knelt beside her girlfriend, who still lay unconscious. Olivia held Alex's head to her lap, her hand cradling the back on the blonde; she could feel the warmth of the blood trickling from the wound.

Casey had called for an ambulance after being pulled from her trance by Olivia moments earlier. She still stood in the room, unable to speak.

Fin had bundled Eleanor into the back of the squad car and dialled the local police. He knew it would be difficult to get her back to New York City, and prosecute there as the crime had happened in Brooklyn. But because he had worked in Narcotics in Brooklyn before transferring to SVU, he knew a few of the guys and hoped they'd manage to cut some sort of deal. While he waited by the car, he tried to piece together how all these people knew each other. Casey had told him that Eleanor was his best friend, and that they had been friends with Alex and Eleanor had dated Alex, he was trying to work out why he had never know Alex was gay when he heard the sirens of an ambulance followed by a police car.

The paramedics walked into the house, armed with medical equipment while Fin spoke to the officer in charge. Officer Henry was a well established cop who had worked with Fin a few times, so Fin immediately felt relaxed. He explained as much of the situation as he could, before calling inside to Casey to come and explain further.

While inside, the paramedics were treating Alex. They had managed to give her an IV drip, and she had regained consciousness, but hadn't spoken or acknowledged the paramedics or Olivia. This scared Olivia, because she knew that Alex had a serious chance of brain damage but the fact that she was awake was comforting in small ways.

Placing Alex on a stretcher, the paramedics collected there equipment before wheeling Alex outside, Olivia was holding Alex's hand, who was unresponsive but awake. She noticed Fin and Casey talking to an officer and she flashed a look of anger at Eleanor who was watching from the backseat of Fin's squad car.

Climbing into the ambulance, Olivia stayed beside Alex, talking to her calmly and asking the paramedics questions.

"Why isn't she talking? She's awake but she isn't responding to me, does she know I'm here?"

"Detective Benson, Miss Cabot may have suffered a brain injury, the trauma to her head is extensive by looking at the wound. We don't know what damage has been done, until we can get a CT scan, which we will when we get the hospital" the paramedic who had addressed herself as Lillian explained

Olivia was trying to hold back the tears that she had managed to keep at bay so far but without much luck, she just kept whispering "I love you. Stay with me baby" to Alex

* * *

Meanwhile Fin had managed to get Eleanor transferred to the back of the police car, and Officer Henry had arranged for transportation to take her back to New York. Casey had called Abbie Carmichael, a friend of hers and Alex's and explained the situation. Abbie had reluctantly agreed to try the case if it reached court. Neither knew whether Alex would be okay and while Casey wanted things to be ready, Abbie was still unsure whether taking the case to court would benefit anyone.

"What now?" Fin asked

"We go to the hospital. I don't know where they've taken Alex though. I'll call Olivia" Casey said, she had managed to get a grip on her emotions but was still struggling to understand the events.

She dialled Olivia's number, and waited until she heard the call connect

"Olivia. How is she? What hospital are you at?" Casey said hurriedly

"We're at Coney Island. Listen, Alex is having a CT scan, she's conscious but unresponsive. Casey, I'm scared. I can't lose her, not now, not after everything, I love her Casey, so much" Olivia cries

"I know you do. Olivia, me and Fin are on our way" she said looking at Fin who climbed into the driver's seat as she slid into the passenger seat. Covering the mouthpiece she said to Fin "Coney Island" before returning to the detective "We'll be there as soon as we can, you need to stay strong Olivia, for Alex okay?"

"Okay" came the reply and Casey ended the call

"Alex is having a CT. She's unresponsive but it conscious" she explained to Fin who nodded. He was shook up with the events of the last few hours, wondering how he managed to get himself into this

"I'll call the Captain when I get a minute" he said

"And I need to tell Liz. Oh gosh" she whispered realising that this was serious, actually realising that Alex could be brain damaged or god forbid die.

Casey and Fin were able to make the journey in less than 15 minutes. Rushing into emergency Casey looked around for Olivia who she found curled up in a chair outside a room.

"Casey!" she cried, pulling the red head into a hug before turning to Fin "Fin!"

"Hey baby girl" he said quietly "How is she?"

"She's bad. She hasn't acknowledged anyone, I don't know if she even knows who I am" Olivia cried openly

"Hey. You need to stay positive for her Olivia. She needs you" Casey reasoned, although she herself was scared and frightened for the blonde

"Why didn't you come out sooner?" Olivia questioned Fin, she was trying to hold her emotions in, but she felt angry and scared at the same time

"It happened so quickly" Fin said, he felt guilty about his reaction as well. He could have stepped in as soon as Eleanor swung at Olivia, but part of him knew that it wouldn't be enough to get Eleanor to back off.

"It's not his fault, or mine, or yours, or Alex's" Casey said quietly "This is down to Eleanor"

"Look at her!" Olivia said, her eyes darting to the window of the room where Alex lay

Casey turned and gasped at the still blonde, who was flat on her back with her arm connected to an IV Drip, Fin followed direction and his heart broke at the sight of his former ADA

"Oh Alex" he whispered, puling Olivia into a hug

"Why aren't you in there?" Casey asked Olivia

"It was killing me, she wasn't responding to anything I said, and it just hurt too much. I needed to calm myself, because I was getting so emotional and I didn't want her to see me like that, even though I don't know what she understands, what she can see or hear or feel" Olivia sobbed

Just then a doctor came down the hall "Family of Alexandra Cabot?" he asked

"I'm her girlfriend and these are friends" she said "Me and him are Detectives" she added pointing to Fin

"Is there any family?" Olivia asked

"There's her Mother. I think that's about it. But I don't think they've spoken in a while" Casey said

Olivia nodded and said "I don't have her number and I don't know if Alex would want her here, but she does have to know I suppose"

"What can you tell us?" Fin asked "I know usually you need family, but we are like family. Alex would want this"

"Alex's CT showed some swelling in the cerebellum, which is the largest area of the brain, the swelling doesn't seem extensive and was diminishing as we performed the scan. She is awake, and should become more alert as the swelling subsides. However, she may take some time to be able to move, form words, understand speech and her memory may be slightly impaired. I think she should make a full recovery, but only time will tell and it may take a lot of time" he explained

"Can we see her?" Casey asked

"Yes. I can't see why not. I would advise you to call her Mom though, just to be prepared"

"Prepared for what?" Olivia asked panicking "You said she'd be okay"

"I said she should make a full recovery, but it will take time and I can't tell you how much" he said rising

"Thank you Doctor" Fin said shaking his hand before the doctor excused himself and left the three friends outside Alex's room

"You go first" Casey told Olivia who shook her head and took Casey's hand

"We'll all go"

Walking into the room, Olivia's hand tightened on Casey's as Fin entered behind. Casey nodded to Olivia who let go of her hand and took Alex's

"Alex, it's me Liv. I don't know if you can hear me, but I love you and I'm here. Casey is too and Fin. We're going to stay okay?" she spoke softly, positioning herself so she was in Alex's eye line

"Hi Al" Casey said and Alex blinked twice, which caused the three of them to look at each other in hope

"Hey Cabot" Fin said "You always were a live wire" he joked and Alex blinked twice again, he smiled at Olivia and nodded

Casey and Fin took a seat while Olivia stayed standing "Can you hear us?" she asked

Alex blinked once and then Olivia felt a slight movement underneath her hand

"She squeezed my hand" she told Casey and Fin "It was minute but it was there"

"Do you know who I am? Blink twice if you do"

Alex blinked once, and Olivia's heart dropped, she looked back at Casey and shook her head. When she returned her gaze, Alex's eyes were closed. Olivia sighed and sat down, tears forming in her own eyes

Casey was also struggling to keep her emotions on check, but she felt the tears slide down her cheeks. Fin took her hand and with his other wiped the tears with his thumb.

* * *

2 hours later, Alex opened her eyes, she was able to make out people in the room, and she attempted to squeeze her fingers into the woman's hand

Olivia awoke with a start "Alex" she whispered "It's Olivia. I'm here"

She looked back at Casey and Fin who were curled up in their respective chairs

Olivia felt another squeeze, this one stronger and she stood, so that Alex could see her

"Hey" she said quietly as not to wake the others

Alex blinked twice and squeezed Olivia's hand

"L…Liv?" she rasped out and Olivia gasped and then smiled, tears falling down her cheeks

"Yes. It's me. I'm here" she said, brushing Alex's hair from her eyes

"W…wher…where am…" she said unable to finish the sentence but Olivia understood

"Coney Island Hospital. Do you remember anything that happened?" Olivia asked, she wanted to know how much Alex knew before she explained, she needed to know that Alex was able to remember off her own memory without prompts

Alex attempted to nod, but failed so she blinked twice "El" she managed to voice

Just then Casey stirred, "Olivia?" she asked

"Casey. Alex is awake, she remembers me and what happened, I think" Olivia said, a small smile on her lips

"C…c…case?" Alex managed to ask, and Casey stepped closer

"Yeah Al, it's me. You gave us quite a scare there" she said, planting a kiss on the blonde's cheek

Alex tried to move so she could see better, but her body wouldn't follow the movements she was trying to make

"I'll go get someone" Casey said, as Fin stirred

"Liv?" he asked standing up

"Fin" Alex said and Fin smiled "Hey baby girl"

Casey returned with a nurse, who adjusted the bed so that Alex was sitting a little more upright. Alex blinked hard, trying to adjust herself to the faces she could see

"W…what's wrong….with…me?" Alex choked out, she had become frightened as she realised she couldn't move herself

"Don't try and talk too much Alex" the nurse said "You had a nasty knock to your head and it's affecting your movement and speech. You're doing well, but don't force it"

Alex managed a slight nod, before a tear trickled down her cheek which Olivia swiped away, before kissing the blonde on the forehead

"Alex, shall I call your Mom?" Casey asked and Alex managed to shake her head to indicate no.

Fin had exited the room, and was now sitting on a chair outside, phone to ear, waiting for the call to connect

"Captain Dona…" came the voice on the other end which Fin intercepted

"Cap, its Fin"

"Fin? Where are you? I just got a call from Abbie Carmichael of all people, said that you'd requested her assistance in a case, and to tell you that she was unable to get the case tried here"

"Shit!" Fin exclaimed "Okay, long story short. Alex's ex had been causing trouble, Casey asked for my help, the ex is her best friend, or was and Alex was scared. She said that she'd managed to trick this woman into going up to Brighton Beach where Alex and Olivia were staying. We arrived before she did and when she got there, she attacked Alex who is now at Coney Island Hospital"

"Is Alex okay?"

"She has some swelling of the brain, but knows who we are and what happened, she's just struggling to talk properly and can't move much, apart from blinking, a bit of movement in her hands"

"Jesus. Okay, are you staying there? I can get you some leave if need be. What about Casey?"

"I think we're heading back a little later. I need to talk to Casey and then Abbie" Fin explained

"Okay. Take care of them ladies Fin. They're special people"

"I will Cap, I will" Fin replied ending the call, he tapped on the window, and motioned to Casey to come out

"What's up?" she asked

"Abbie's request to try the case in New York has been denied. What does that mean; she can still try it right? She can prosecute, can't she? Will Alex need to testify, you, me, Olivia?" he was rambling but he was trying to understand and comprehend everything

"I think she can try the case here. I think we'd be needed to testify. I'll need to call her"

"We're heading home in a little while, I told Cragen we'd be heading home so…"

"I need to talk to Olivia" Casey said, tapping on the window, she kissed Alex on the forehead before exiting the room

"Yes?" she asked Casey

"We have a problem. The request to take the case to New York has been denied. I think Abbie can still try it here, but I think we'd need to testify. Do you think Alex can cope with it? We don't really have a choice, it's Abbie's duty to prosecute this now, and seeing as two detectives and I, an attorney witnessed the assault, we can't really object. But Olivia, I don't know if Alex can do this?"

"Nor do I. I'll talk to her. Are you going home?"

"Yeah, we need to go and see Abbie. I don't think we can use the tapes, they were obtained illegally and I know I asked you, Fin to say you got them, I can't ask you to lie under oath. I'll call you later" Casey said pulling the brunette in for a hug, before entering the room to say goodbye to Alex

"Do you think Alex can do this?" Fin asks Olivia

"I don't know Fin. She's going to need so much physical therapy; I think it would be draining. And I don't want the stress of a case to make things worse"

Fin nodded as Casey came from the room and he entered. After goodbye's had been said, Olivia returned to Alex's room, and was shocked to find Alex sitting sideways on the bed, trying to stand, using her arms to push herself up. Olivia ran to her side "Alex, lay down"

"I…can…do…this" she said and Olivia sighed, Alex was stubborn as hell and hated needing help of any kind, she was always so independent and Olivia smiled to see that this hadn't changed

"Lay down. Let me go and talk to the nurse or doctor Alex. Just relax. Don't overdo it" Olivia ordered, helping Alex back under the covers before going in search of a nurse.

**Reviews welcome.**


	15. Guilty

**AN: Update for you. I skipped about a month for the this chapter. I don't always understand the legal side of Law and Order so I didn't want to cause you discomfort having to read through a really bad trial scene. Apologies if you were looking forward to it, but I didn't think I'd do it justice, so this chapter begins as the trial finishes and the verdict has already been announced**

**Chapter 15 - Guilty**

"Hey Texas!" Casey called across the courthouse

Abbie swiftly turned around and grinned at the red haired attorney, before embracing her in a hug

"Guilty on both charges. I just got back from Brooklyn, I had to pop in to see Petrovsky" Abbie drawled in her noticeable Texan accent

Casey squeezed Abbie tightly "Thank you. Have you told Alex and Olivia yet?"

"No, I was wondering if you fancied coming up the hospital with me to tell them. I was coming to find you"

"Well, I'm here now and yeah, course I do. Alex should be going home tomorrow" Casey told her

"How is she doing?"

"A lot better than expected I think. She's talking fine now, and can move pretty well. She just needs to learn not to overdo it, she tries a bit much I think sometimes"

"Alex always was Miss Independent though. How is she managing with Olivia helping her?" Abbie asked as they exited the courthouse and headed for Casey's car

"I'm not really sure. Olivia doesn't really talk about it much, not because she doesn't want to help, I think because Alex is always shrugging her off. It's tough of them, you know. A new relationship is hard but they've had it tougher than most, and they've only been together a little over a month"

Casey and Abbie got into Casey's car, and drove to the hospital. They spent most of the time sharing stories about their blonde haired friend when Casey had a brilliant idea, well, she thought it was brilliant

"We should have a welcome home party for Alex!" she exclaimed grinning from ear to ear

"Alex hates fuss though Case" Abbie pointed out

"I know, but she's staying at Olivia's and it would only be us and the detectives, and maybe Liz. It will really be nice for Alex to know how much people care about her. Oh, say yes, please!" Casey begged

"If you want to then I won't say no, but maybe we should talk to Olivia first, see what she thinks"

They pulled up at the hospital and Casey found a parking space, before they made their way inside

"Alex, you need to rest. You've been on your feet for over an hour, the nurse said only 20 minutes at a time. You're doing great, and you're going home, stop pushing yourself" Olivia was saying as Casey and Abbie approached the room

"Looks like miss independent has been overdoing things again" Abbie said as the knocked on the door

"Come in!" called an exasperated Olivia

As Abbie and Casey opened the door, they could see Alex was crying, and Olivia was trying to keep herself composed, Casey looked at Olivia, who nodded before walking in front of Alex

"What's up Al?" she asked tentatively

"Her!" Alex said pointing at Olivia who promptly let her composure crumble. Abbie led Olivia from the room as Casey sat down next to Alex and pulled her close

"She's only worried about you Alex. Don't shut her out. She's put her job on hold, to look after you, and you aren't being fair to her" Casey said quietly

"She just keeps telling me to rest all the time, but I'm not tired. I hate being stuck here" Alex sobbed

"You're going home tomorrow Alex. And you do need to rest, you can't be up on your feet all the time, it's only been a month since it happened, you need to give it time. Stop pushing yourself or you won't get out of here" Casey tried to reason, rubbing circles into the blondes back

Outside Olivia was pacing the corridor, trying to keep herself from completely breaking down while Abbie sat in a chair, waiting for her to calm down

"Olivia, stop moving about and sit down" Abbie urged

"She's so stubborn; she wants everything to come at once. And it won't and she's going to make things worse if she doesn't rest, all she wants to do is walk, and climb stairs, to prove she can do it" Olivia said

"Like I said to Case, Alex has always been Miss Independent, she isn't used to needing anyone, she probably feels weak and useless and that isn't a trait that Alex has ever wanted, she's never needed anyone like she needs you. You just need to be patient with her Olivia, show her you care, treat her with respect, lavish her with your love and don't back away. Talk to her, tell her how you feel. She'll soon stop being selfish and realise that you truly care"

Olivia stopped pacing and nodded at Abbie before taking a seat

"I know. It's just I love her so damn much and I hate seeing her in pain and I know she is and when she pushes, it hurts me, it kills to see her trying to the point where she is physically drained. I just want her to let me be there, to take it easy and let it come as it does" Olivia sighed

"Casey wants to throw her a welcome home party, I don't think it's a good idea but I said I'd ask you" Abbie approached the subject

"I don't know Abs. I mean, it would be lovely, but I don't know how Alex would take it, I mean, would she really hate all the attention. You and Casey know her better than me" Olivia replied sadly. She had been struggling to learn anything about Alex since they'd admitted there feelings and begun this relationship. Olivia hadn't even kissed Alex for over 2 weeks. The blonde always making excuses and turning away at any affection Olivia showed

"I think she'd hate it at first, but if she saw how much people cared, it might make her change her ways" Abbie explained

"Tell Casey to organise it. Alex should be out at midday tomorrow if things go to plan" Olivia explained handing Abbie her keys before standing up

Abbie followed as they entered the room where Alex was lying on the bed, and Casey was sitting in the chair looking through a magazine. She put her fingers to her lips to indicate that Alex had fallen asleep.

Olivia smiled, and planted a gentle kiss on the blonde's forehead before taking a seat.

"Oh I forgot, we came to tell you that Eleanor was found guilty on both charges" Abbie said smiling

"Way to go Abbie" Olivia replied, the heaviness in her chest settling with relief

"She'll get time, but maybe only a couple of years. If the injuries had been more serious, so would the sentence be"

"I suppose I should be glad that Alex is okay but I just wish Eleanor got what she deserved"

Abbie nodded, they all agreed with Olivia's statement but Alex had testified in court, even though Olivia had tried to get Abbie not to put her through that.

"How is she really doing?" Casey asked "She just tells me she's okay, but I know that isn't the truth, as much as she wants to believe it"

"Physically, she's pretty good. She just needs to slow down and take time to rest. Emotionally though, I don't have a clue, she keeps pushing me away, she won't let me help, she shouts at me when she's frustrated and she cries herself to sleep all the time, it's like she has two minds, she wants to be moving and doing things but at the same time, she's just depressed. I'm worried about her" Olivia said, holding Alex's hand as she spoke to Abbie and Casey

"Has anyone been in to talk to her?" Abbie asked

"Yes, and I think she talks, but she won't talk to me. She promised me before all this happened that if something was bothering her she'd tell me, but she hardly says anything lately" Olivia said tearfully

Casey stood and walked over to Olivia, putting a comforting arm around her shoulder

"Just keep being here Olivia. She needs you, and she doesn't like to need anyone. It's just the way she is, don't let her shut you out and don't walk away. Be firm but loving, and she'll see that you generally do care"

"I do. I don't pity her Case. I love her" Olivia said putting her head in her hands, trying to compose her emotions

After 20 minutes of talking and more crying, comforting and a small bout of laughter, Abbie and Casey decided they would head back, to talk to Cragen and the guys about the gathering.

Olivia hugged them both goodbye before she began to cry again.

2 hours later, Alex awoke; she opened her eyes and could hear the gentle sniffling of Olivia in the chair. Alex sat up, and looked at the brunette, who had her eyes closed while tears trickled down her cheeks. Alex realised she was crying in her sleep. It broke her heart and made her feel terrible for being so horrible when she knew Olivia was trying her best.

"Liv" she said quietly, swinging her legs around the bed, pulling herself up, she stood holding onto the bed, and lowered herself into the chair beside Olivia, "Liv" she said again taking the brunette's hand and kissing it gently "Olivia, wake up" she said a little louder, reaching for her shoulder

Olivia's eyes shot open and she blinked a couple of times, before her gaze settled on Alex beside her  
"Alex?" she said "What are you doing?"

"I wanted to hold you, but that chair isn't big enough for us both" she said smiling, bringing Olivia's hand to her lips "I love you, and I'm really sorry for being such a bitch lately"

Olivia's eyes began to well up with tears "Don't be sorry Alex" she whispered

"But I am Olivia. I haven't been fair to you" she said trying to shuffle closer in the chair

"You've been through a lot Alex, and it's not easy for you to ask for help and accept it, I know that"

"You were crying Olivia, and I made you cry, I never wanted to hurt you"

"You didn't. I love you Alex and I don't like it when you shut me out" Olivia said

Alex pulled herself up, and took Olivia's hand "Come snuggle with me"

Olivia smiled, standing as Alex sat on the bed and got comfortable, patting the space beside her she gestured for Olivia to join her which she happily accepted

"I love you Olivia, never doubt it. I can be a bitch at times, and I can be stubborn as hell but I love you and I need you, I really do need you" Alex said quietly, she lifted Olivia's chin and brought her lips down the brunettes in a sweet but chaste kiss

Olivia smiled as Alex pulled away "I love you too Al, and I'm here, always"

They lay snuggled together for a little while, enjoying the closeness of each other, every now again leaning in to plant gentle kisses on each other's lips.

"Eleanor was found guilty" Olivia told Alex, as she looked into the blonde's blue eyes which promptly began to fill with tears "Shh, it's over" she whispered, her hand running along Alex's thigh

At Olivia's, Abbie was tying a "Welcome Home Alex" banner to the far wall in the living room

"Do you think it's a bit much, saying welcome home, this is Olivia's home, not Alex's" Abbie asked Casey who was blowing up balloons on the couch

"Nah, I mean, this is Alex's home too, as is Alex's to Olivia. They spent equal amounts of time in both places before they started dating"

"They're not dating, I don't think Alex got the chance to take Olivia out on a date" Abbie said, remembering the conversation she'd had with Olivia a few weeks ago, when the brunette was struggling to come to terms with how quickly things had changed.

Casey sighed; she knew these two women were made for each other. Casey had been to see Eleanor a couple of times over the last few weeks, she had wanted to understand how Eleanor could hurt Alex, she wanted to know what was going through Eleanor's head. She had ended up having a heated discussion with her former best friend, who had accused Casey of crushing on the blonde. Casey found this absolutely hilarious, as she was totally straight and had actually started hanging out with Fin quite a bit lately though it was more of a close friendship at the moment.

Casey and Abbie had managed to organise this part fairly quickly, and as both had to work first thing tomorrow they had wanted to get things ready today, while they were both free. They had popped into the 1-6 and Cragen, Fin and Munch had all assured them they would be there, Elliot had accepted, hoping to make amends with both Olivia and Alex, he had hated the way he had reacted to their relationship and was really sad when he'd found out that Alex had been assaulted. He had rung Olivia a few times over the last month and they'd cleared the air as best as they could over the phone. Olivia had told him that she hadn't forgotten what had happened but had forgiven him and in return he had promised to apologise to Alex and make amends, he'd also managed to coax Kathy into coming along. Casey had spoken to Liz, who was happy to attend; she had always liked Alex and counted her as one of the best.

* * *

Alex and Olivia had fallen asleep wrapped in each other's embrace, when Alex's mother arrived, she had heard through Alex's Uncle Bill that Alex had been assaulted, and had managed to coax out of him which hospital she was in. She smiled as she saw Alex snuggled close to Olivia, both of them with their arms wrapped comfortingly around the other.

She had heard of her daughter's new relationship as well, and while she had never really liked Eleanor, she had heard many good things about Olivia Benson and all had assured her that Alex was in safe hands.

"Mother?" Alex questioned, looking up as she awoke

"Alex, why did you not phone me? I've been trying to call and I was so worried, I called your Uncle Bill and he told me what had happened" Alex's mother, whose first name was Juliet asked

"I didn't want you to worry. I'm going home tomorrow, well, to Olivia's" Alex said quietly as not to wake the sleeping woman beside her

"It's serious between you two then?" Juliet asked as she took a seat

Alex nodded "It's new though. We started dating less than a week before this happened, and in that week, Olivia was in a car accident, Eleanor forced herself onto me, we went up to Brighton Beach and then well, this happened. So we've been together for a little over a month"

"So you haven't consummated the relationship then?" Juliet questioned making her daughter blush

"Mother!" she exclaimed before lowering her head, she felt bad that they hadn't, that she had put it off and that in recent weeks she hadn't wanted to kiss Olivia

"Alex? You are okay right?" Juliet asked concerned

"Yeah, I'm a lot better now. I couldn't talk much at first, and I wasn't able to move either. I had a bit of swelling on the brain but I'm doing well" she said, trying to smile

"You know I wasn't asking physically Alexandra. Bill told me how you were in that sense, but how are you feeling?"

"I don't know Mom. I hate needing Olivia so much, and although I'm getting better, I just want to be normal again, and I hate that Eleanor took away my security, made me so vulnerable. Like she did before"

"Alexandra, do you think about hurting yourself or anything worse?" Juliet gently asks, not realising that Olivia had just woken up

"Sometimes" Alex said lowering her head "Sometimes I wish Ellie had hit me a bit harder, so I wouldn't have to be such a burden on Olivia"

"You're not a burden sweetheart" Olivia whispered causing Alex to jump

"Olivia" she said quietly

"I know Alex, I know. But I love you, okay and you are not a burden to anyone. I would much rather be here with you, helping you get better than be anywhere without you" Olivia said sitting up, her eyes awash with tears that were ready to fall

Juliet watched as Alex wiped Olivia's tears, as Olivia stroked Alex cheek, then they lent in and let their lips brush together gently, Olivia pushed hard, hungrily trying to gain entrance as Alex pulled away shyly "My mother" she whispered causing both women to turn beet red and Juliet laughed

"It's okay dears. It's great to see you finally have someone that truly loves you Alexandra" Juliet said still smiling "but I think you need to talk to someone about how you feel"

"I am Mom, a counsellor has been coming to talk to me" Alex said, her voice quivering "I'm okay but I feel so vulnerable"

"I'm not going anywhere Al; I'll hold your hand and be there for you through it all. I love you, and I'm going to be there for you every single day" Olivia sincerely said as she looked into the blue eyes of her girlfriend

Juliet smiled, before standing, leaning over to kiss Alex's forehead, she gave a brief hug to Olivia "I'll come see you in a few days, text me Olivia's address" and she left, leaving the two women to talk

But Alex didn't want to talk, she wanted to kiss Olivia, which she did, with as much hunger as Olivia had shown a few minutes ago, this time allowing the brunette's tongue to gain access and brush against her own, as hands explored each other's clothed bodies. Panting, Olivia pulled away for air first, tracing patterns along Alex's bare thigh, as Alex whimpered with pleasure, as she put her hands on Olivia's breasts and gently squeezed through the fabric of her shirt

"I can't wait to get home" Alex whispered which caused Olivia to feel tightness in her lower regions with anticipation

**I'd really like reviews on this chapter, and ideas on how the welcome home party should go. Do you think Alex will be surprised, will she like it, or will she be angry? How will Elliot apologise? And what next for Casey and Fin, would you like to see them try a relationship or do you think there's someone else for Casey?**


	16. Welcome Home

**A.N: Thank you for the reviews. I hope this chapter is okay. Thank you to the two reviewers that left there feedback on the Casey/Fin idea. You'll see what I did with that below**

**Chapter 16- Welcome Home**

Olivia placed a hand on Alex's arm and waited for the blonde to acknowledge the support and accept it before she wrapped her other arm around the blonde's waist to assist and steady her as they made the stairs to Olivia's apartment. Alex had been trying really hard since talking to Casey yesterday to allow Olivia to help, but it still made her vulnerable and it was a feeling the blonde had never liked.

As they reached the front door, Olivia turned her key in the lock, apprehensive of the surprise she knew that was lurking behind it. She smiled warmly at Alex as she pushed the door open

"Surprise!" came from a chorus of voices before Alex was enveloped in a hug by Casey and then Abbie. The unexpectedness and love that Alex felt was enough to overwhelm her, she promptly began to sob as she hurried (as quickly as she could) down the hall and into Olivia's bedroom.

Abbie, Casey, Elliot, Kathy, Cragen, Liz, Munch and Fin looked at Olivia, and then back down the hall to wear they heard the sobs of the ADA.

Olivia smiled apologetically at her friends before following down the hall. She found Alex standing just inside the door, and as she entered, the blonde placed both hands on Olivia's shoulders and whispered "Kiss me"

Olivia was about to protest when she felt herself being pushed gently, and her lips found Alex's in a chaste kiss, as Olivia broke away, she felt herself being pushed up against the wall as Alex whispered "Kiss me again". Olivia complied, with the intention of it being another chaste and quick kiss but as she opened her mouth to speak, Alex pushed her tongue between the gap, her hands making their way down to Olivia's abdomen, her fingers toying with the bottom of the fabric. When she touched the bare skin of Olivia's torso, the brunette gasped at the sudden contact before gently pulling away

"Alex, we have guests"

"Guests that I didn't want. Nobody asked me"

"They're trying to show you that they care, Alex. It was a surprise for you"

"Is everything okay Olivia?" Abbie called from outside the door

"We'll be out in a minute" Olivia replied, waiting until she heard footsteps grow quieter

"We'll let them stay for a little while and then we'll tell them you feel tired. Alex, just relax" Olivia said, taking Alex's hands and entwining her fingers with her own.

"I just wanted it to be us, and I guess I was just overwhelmed by everyone" Alex explained

"Just for an hour, Alex and then you can come and lay down, and I'll get rid of them and we can snuggle okay?"

"I want to do more than snuggle" Alex whispered, nipping Olivia's ear with her teeth

Olivia felt her skin blush and the tingly sensation returned between her legs as Alex pulled away and led them from the room

* * *

"Sorry everyone" Alex said as she entered the living room, holding Olivia's hand "I guess it was just a surprise and I was a bit taken aback"

"We just want to show you that we all care and love you" Casey said as she touched Alex's arm

"How are you feeling Alex?" Liz Donnelly asked

"I'm getting there. Olivia's great" the blonde said, flashing a loving smile at the detective who was talking to Elliot

"How are you Liv?" Elliot asked

"Okay and you?"

"I'm good. Miss you though" he said

"Really?"

"Yes. Olivia, I am so sorry for the way I acted, and everything. I was wrong to say that Alex would hurt you, I saw how much she loved you after the accident and I can see how much you love her back. There's something strong between you, and I was a jerk to you both. I really am sorry and if there is any way I can make it up to you, I will, gladly. Can I speak to Alex? I think I have some grovelling to do"

"El, I've already told you I forgive but I don't forget. I'm still your partner; still your friend but it will take some time. If I let you talk to Alex, do not, and I repeat, do not upset her. I'll kick your ass if you do" she warned, stepping aside as Elliot walked to wear Alex was talking to Abbie

"Alex, have you got a minute?" Elliot asked

Alex looked across to Olivia who nodded "Alright"

Abbie sensed the need for a private conversation, so she went in search of someone else to talk to

"Alex. I want to apologise for being a jerk, a jackass, a complete and utter idiot and whatever else I deserve to be called. You and Olivia are amazing together and I can see how much you love her and how much she loves you. You're both stubborn and guarded but I can see how she looks at you, and how you look at her. Like I told Olivia, I want to make it up to you. And I'll be kissing your ass as much as I can, although I'm sure you'd rather Olivia was kissing it" he said, as Alex blushed and playfully slapped his arm

"It's not going to be that easy for me Elliot. I could have lost the woman I love and then she could have lost me. You're to blame for the first part, and seriously, you're the last of my worries right now. I won't forget how you treated me, but I forgave you, because Olivia did and I don't hold grudges"

"I know, and I really am sorry Alex. Just know that I'll be apologising for as long as I need to" he said

Alex smiled and squeezed his arm, as Abbie sauntered towards her

"What's up Abs?" Alex asked, as Elliot went back to Kathy and Olivia, she could see the pissed off look Abbie was wearing, who nodded towards the window in answer to Alex's question where Casey and Fin were laughing, and sitting awfully close on the window sill, every now and again he would touch Casey's arm, knee and she's lean in to him and whisper something.

"How long has that been going on?" Abbie asked

"I don't know" Alex said truthfully "Abbie, are you jealous of Casey?"

Abbie laughed out loud earning looks from everyone in the room, except for Casey and Fin who were too engrossed in their conversation "No"

"Well, what's the problem then?" Alex asked confused

"Um. I…I think…maybe…I don't…I think I love Casey" she blurted, luckily not loud enough for anyone but Alex to hear

"Oh" Alex realised smiling, before frowning "She looks happy, Abbie"

"Yeah, I noticed" she said quietly as Alex looked over to wear Casey was snuggled against Fin, their hands entwined

"But maybe you should talk to her. I opened myself to Olivia, and look how that turned out"

"But you're gorgeous Alex" Abbie said sadly

"And so are you Abs. Really, if you like Casey, or love her, tell her. Just tell her" Alex urged

"I can't" Abbie said, tears pricking her eyes "Look at her, just look. She is really happy and I can't ruin that. I just can't". Abbie then grabbed her bag before rushing out of the apartment, as Alex sighed heavily

Olivia came to stand beside her "Where did Abbie go? She looked upset, Alex"

"She thinks she's in love with Casey, and as you can see, I think Casey and Fin are…" she trailed off

Olivia looked over to where Casey and Fin were sitting, and sighed, just as heavily as Alex had done.

They split ways and while Alex was in the kitchen getting a glass of water, Casey entered "Hey Alex. You haven't seen Abbie have you?"

"She left" Alex answered

"Oh. Why didn't she say bye?"

"I think it had something to do with how close you and Fin were snuggling up to each other. I almost thought he'd kiss you and so did Abbie" Alex said before realising what she had said

"We're just good friends Alex"

"You looked a lot more than friends, Casey"

"Well if we were, why does it matter? Does Abbie like Fin?" she asked

Alex sighed "I didn't tell you, okay? She likes you"

"What? Oh…okay" Casey said taken aback but understanding what Alex was trying to say

"Exactly and you're straight and…she saw you and she bolted" Alex said

"Who says I'm straight Al?"

"You only dated guys Casey…all the years I've known you; there was Mark, and Jason and Charlie"

"I dated girls, but just not openly. Alex I'm bi, I always have been"

"But you don't like Abbie?" Alex asked

"Yes, I like her. She's amazing, but I never thought she liked me like that, and I don't know what I feel. I like Fin, I like Abbie…I've known Abbie for 7 years, and Fin for not even a month, Alex"

"Oh. You need to talk to Abbie, Case. Just talk to her" Alex asked and then something hit her…"Did you and Eleanor ever…?"

"Once" Casey answered "And it was just sex, Alex"

"When?"

"Not when you were with her, Alex, I wouldn't do that to you. It was about 2 years ago and it never would have worked. She was too…"

"Rough, I know" Alex finished for Casey

Casey looked at Alex, wanting to ask the question but she didn't want to upset Alex, or talk about the bad things at a welcome home party.

10 minutes later, Olivia wrapped Alex in a hug from behind "Do you want me to get them to go?"

"I'm tired" she whispered and seeing the smile creep to Olivia's lips "No, really I am. I'm going to go lie down a bit"

Olivia headed into the living room "Alex is feeling a bit tired, so she's gone to lie down. I'm going to run her a bath and get her to relax. Thanks for coming. I know Alex was a bit overwhelmed at first but I know she appreciated it, as did I"

"We hope she rests well, and we'll see you soon" Kathy said as her and Elliot began to collect their jackets, the guests followed, hugging Olivia as they left and asking that she give their best wishes to Alex.

When they had all left, Olivia went into the bedroom, where she saw Alex deep in sleep on top of the covers. She removed the blonde's glasses, placing them on the table before giving her a swift kiss on the cheek.

* * *

Alex woke around 5pm, after about 2 and a half hours sleep, shooting up into a sitting position, sweat beads dripping from her forehead, her hair matted with the sweat and she was trembling. She'd been dreaming, it was a fitful dream of Olivia's crash, and Olivia hadn't survived. Forgetting the ordeal she herself had suffered recently, she forgot that she needed to take it easy and a shooting pain slithered up her spine, causing her to gasp and let out a scream "Aaaaahhh"

Olivia came running him, seeing the frightened, painful look on her girlfriends face as she was still trembling but it total agony. "Alex! What is it? What's wrong?"

"Had…dream" she gasped out as Olivia wrapped her arms around her, causing her back to spasm even more "Owwww"

"Alex?" Olivia questioned

"My…back…i…it…fucking kills" she said struggling to fight the tears

Olivia relaxed her hold and tried to lay Alex down but Alex gasped and screamed out in pain again.

"Alex, I'm calling the doctor" Olivia told the blonde what she was going to do

"No. I'll be okay. I just need to relax" Alex said, the pain in her back easing a little

"Do you want to talk about the dream?" Olivia asked, but Alex shook her head. She had been having this dream for over a week, but Olivia had always pulled through. Alex was terrified of what the dream meant.

Olivia sighed, she knew Alex wouldn't tell her easily but she didn't want to force it. Alex would tell her when she was ready; at least Olivia hoped she would.

Olivia sat with her arm around Alex's shoulders loosely as Alex's mind wandered to her talk in the kitchen with Casey. She had asked about Casey having a relationship with Eleanor and was told it was just sex and only once, but that it was rough, well Alex knew what Casey had meant and Casey had wanted to ask the question, about whether she had ever hurt Alex, whether she'd forced herself on her before. Alex was glad the question hadn't been asked, but now it was playing on her mind as she remembered how forceful there first time had been, how forceful Alex's first time had been. Sex was always rough with Eleanor, and Alex hadn't known that it shouldn't always be like that, they never made love, it was just hard fucking.

"Alex?" she heard coming from beside and realised it was Olivia "Are you okay? You went off in another place for a while"

"Um, yeah…I'm…I…just…um. I'm fine" Alex stumbled over her words and Olivia stroked her cheek

"Talk to me Alex. Please, I want to help. I hate seeing you like this. The counsellor said you were doing well, and that she didn't think you needed to see her anymore Alex. But I think you do, you're tense, you're having dreams, you're quiet and thinking and I can tell you're struggling. Let me in, babe. Let me listen, and let me help"

"I…can't…you…can't…I…just" Alex said, tears falling down her cheeks

"I'm here Alex. Always" Olivia whispered as she kissed the blonde's gently on the lips, swiping at the tears with her thumb.

Alex nodded, and lay back down; she moved away from Olivia's touch and closed her eyes. When Olivia tried to touch the blonde, she moved further away. Olivia sighed and went into the living room, her own tears pooling before gently falling. No sound was made, but the emotion that Olivia was feeling was unlike anything she'd ever felt before.

**Reviews please. **


	17. Impetuous

**A.N: This is a relatively short chapter. I've not been well today, so am really tired but I wanted to finish this chapter. I hope it's not too disappointing. **

**Chapter 17 - Impetuous **

The next morning, Olivia awoke to gentle kisses along her jaw line, and fingers roaming her hair, she opened one eye and saw her blonde haired girlfriend wearing skimpy underwear, as she kissed her way down Olivia's neck. Olivia gasped when Alex sucked on her pulse point, which startled the blonde who stopped before looking at Olivia. She gave a lopsided grin, and carried on the assault further down, undoing the buttons on the brunette's nightshirt. "I'm sorry" she whispered before returning to Olivia's chin before claiming the brunette's lips in a hungry kiss. She tugged at Olivia's shirt and stood, pulling her towards the bedroom. Olivia was breathing heavily, her arousal growing every time the blonde's lips touched her skin, or her fingers graced bare flesh.

"Alex?" Olivia asked, she wanted to be sure that Alex really wanted this, while also being incredibly nervous

"Don't worry Olivia" Alex replied breathlessly as she climbed onto the bed, pulling Olivia on top of her, so that Olivia straddled her thighs

"I don't…" Olivia started but her lips were silenced with those of Alex

"Just do what feels natural" Alex said gently

Olivia placed her hands on Alex's chest, lightly squeezing her breasts in her hand, causing a gentle moan from Alex who covered Olivia's hands with her own and commanded her to squeeze harder

Alex was quick, and eager to undress the brunette straddled above her, her hands roaming the brunette's chest, her fingers occasionally brushing taut nipples

Olivia groaned in anticipation, her lower regions now wet with arousal and her breath heavy with desire

Both had the same idea as lips met lips, their tongues fighting for dominance, as hands met bare flesh

Alex tried to get Olivia to press harder, to be more forceful, but Olivia was gentle. Alex attempted again but Olivia stopped and looked questionably at the blonde "Alex, why do you want me to hurt you…I can feel you trying to make me dig my nails in, try and make me push harder…why?"

"Why aren't you being impetuous?" Alex asked

"Why would I? Alex?" Olivia was concerned, did Alex really expect her to hurt her, to be violent during sex

Alex pushed Olivia and scrambled away, grabbing the duvet and standing by the window as she wrapped it around herself

"Alex?" Olivia approached slowly

"Leave me alone Olivia" Alex said coldly, she wasn't meaning to be so distant and cold but she was confused and didn't really know what she was thinking or feeling "Please. I want to be alone"

Olivia sighed; she knew that crowding Alex wasn't way to do things.

She went in the living room, and dialled Casey's number, she needed t speak to someone who knew Alex, who may be able to shed some light on the situation.

* * *

Meanwhile Casey was sitting in her office, she had had an awful morning, she'd lost a case, been shouted at by Liz, and she couldn't get Abbie to answer her phone. She was contemplating going to her office when her phone rang. She sighed and felt her heart drop when she saw the ID alerting her that it was Olivia calling and not Abbie.

"Olivia, what do I owe the pleasure" she tried to sound cheerful

"Casey, can you meet for coffee?" Olivia asked

"Um, in about an hour?"

"Yeah, that's good, in the café opposite my place. Listen, have you spoken to Abbie yet?"

"I tried calling, but she won't pick up. I'm gonna head to her office"

"Good luck, we'll chat soon then"

Casey hung up, before leaving her office for Abbie's.

She knocked on the door and heard a heavy sigh before "Come in"

As Casey entered, Abbie looked up and then back down again "What can I do for you Novak?"

"Abbie" Casey started but on seeing Abbie continue to look at the floor, she stepped closer, "Abs, look at me"

Abbie looked up

" Fin and I are just friends"

"Why….?" She started and then it clicked "You spoke to Alex"

Casey sat down opposite Abbie, and scooted the chair towards her so that she was beside her, she reached out and touched her friends hand "I like you too, and I like Fin. Abbie, I'm bisexual. I never knew you liked me like that. Why didn't you talk to me? Tell me…"

"I…wait, you're bi?" Abbie questioned

"Yes"

"And you like me too"

"Yes"

"But you like Fin? Who do you like more?"

"Abbie, I've known you for 7 years and you are flipping amazing, not to mention so damn hot…and I've known Fin for a little over a month. Just…listen okay, if you want to give us a go, you need to tell me, you need to just let me be there, don't push me away and don't pretend. It's all or nothing okay, you're a great friend, and I don't want to lose that" Casey explained

Abbie nodded as Casey stood, she leant over and kissed the brunette's cheek "I'll call you later. I've got to meet Olivia for coffee; I think she wants to talk about Alex"

"Hope she's okay. I'll look forward to your call. Casey, can I have another kiss?" Abbie shyly asked. Casey complied meeting Abbie's lips and placing a sweet peck on them before smiling and exiting the room.

Abbie sighed and then smiled; she touched her lips before licking them and carried on typing.

* * *

Olivia sat opposite Casey; she had left a note for Alex who had been sleeping. Telling her she was over the road, and to call if she needed anything.

"Olivia, what's bothering you? Is Alex okay?" Casey asked

Olivia sighed as she ran her hand through her hair "We nearly had you know this morning" she said quietly

"Nearly?" Casey asked confused, slightly amused at the way Olivia had skipped the word 'sex'

"Alex was being really weird. I've never…you know with a woman and I don't know what to do really, but Alex wanted me to hurt her, she was making me squeeze her boobs hard, and she was almost wanting me to hurt her…it was weird and I wondered…I just, what do you know about her and Eleanor?"

"Olivia, did she actually say to hurt her?"

"I stopped and asked her why she was trying to make me hurt her and she asked why I wasn't being impetuous, that means violent, yes?"

"Uh, yeah. Look Olivia, I had sex with Ellie once, it was a mistake and just a onetime thing, but she was quite feisty, almost rough and it wasn't for me. When I was talking to Alex yesterday, she asked me if me and El ever had sex and I said once but that she was…and before I answered Alex finished for me 'rough, I know'. I wanted to ask if Eleanor had hurt her but I didn't want to upset her. I think Alex knows it shouldn't be like that, but I think it's what she's always known…so maybe she's confused. You need to ask her, outright. She might clam up, but don't back down. I think she needs to tell you, otherwise you'll never make it work"

"I knew something wasn't right last night, but she initiated this morning…I woke up and she was kissing me. I slept on the sofa because I thought she needed space"

"Maybe she does, but she needs to be loved, and shown how love really is"

"Have you spoken to Abbie yet?"

"Yeah, before I got here. I'm calling her later. I told her that I liked her too but that if she wanted to try, I needed her to talk to me, be open, be all in because I didn't want to ruin our friendship"

"That's a start. I hope things work for you"

"Thanks Olivia, I better head back. Talk to Alex, just be firm and don't walk away" Casey said, hugging Olivia as they exited the café and headed in opposite directions.

* * *

When Olivia stepped in to her apartment, she noticed the note she had written, still folded on the kitchen counter, she picked it up, tucking it in her pocket before heading into the bedroom. Alex was still asleep and the glass of water that Olivia had poured her was still full and untouched.

Olivia climbed onto the bed and snuggled behind the blonde, wrapping her arm gently around her "I love you" she whispered and she continued to hold her girlfriend.

Alex stirred with the contact and brought her hand to Olivia's which was resting on her stomach. "Hey" Alex whispered rolling over so she was facing Olivia

"Hi" she whispered back, kissing Alex on the cheek "Sleep well?" she asked

Alex nodded "Yes I did. I'm so sorry Olivia" she said as she sat up and rested herself against the headboard

Olivia moved so she was sitting beside Alex, and took her hand "You don't need to apologise. You just need to talk to me Alex"

Alex nodded but didn't speak, after a few minutes she asked "Did Eleanor hurt you when had sex Alex?"

Alex nodded but didn't elaborate

"Alex, was it always like that?"

Alex nodded again, this time whispering "Yes"

"You know that isn't how it's meant to be, don't you?

Alex nodded as she began to cry; Olivia, still holding her hand rubbed her thumb across the back of it, and gave it a gentle squeeze "I know. It's just, I think I expect it. I don't know what it's like to make love. We nearly always used toys, she liked a strap on and she was rough and forceful" she managed shakily

"I won't ever hurt you Alex. I'm new to this, remember. But you need to tell me what you like, what feels good, and what hurts, I don't ever want to hurt you. I want to love you, always"

Alex nodded, and laid her head on Olivia's shoulder, as Olivia stroked her hair.

Both were comfortable within each other's arms for about 20 minutes when Alex's stomach began to speak, signalling the need and want for food, Alex giggled and Olivia smiled, hearing Alex chuckle was a rare sight lately but it was such a beautiful sound and Olivia never tired of it.

"Shall I cook something?" Olivia asked

"If you want to. I'd be happy with a sandwich though"

"Okay, a sandwich it is then? I think I need to do a grocery shop anyway" Olivia said as she made her way to the kitchen

While she was buttering the bread she felt warm hands snake around her waist, and a now fully dressed Alex was snuggling into her back, Olivia finished the sandwiches and Alex released her grip as they made their way to the couch. Sitting at opposite ends with crossed legs up on the couch and facing each other, they ate, every now and again smiling at each other until Alex spoke "I love you Liv"

"I love you too Alex" she repeated smiling.

**Reviews still welcome. Next chapter will be better. **


	18. First Date

**A.N: Another short chapter, there is reason for it which you'll find in the next chapter or by the end of this one.**

**Chapter 18 - First Date**

Alex is pacing the living room. Tonight she has planned to take Olivia to dinner. It will be their first date since getting together. It's been 3 weeks since Alex came home from hospital. Olivia has been back at work for almost a week. They haven't consummated their relationship as of yet, and mutely agreed that they'll discuss it every week, and how each other feels about it. Alex is talking to a therapist, mainly about her fears and expectations, and Olivia has been as supportive as she can.

Olivia is due home any minute, and Alex has spent the last 20 minutes in a nervous state, pacing up and down, trying to compose herself. She'd been planning this for days, and had booked a table at a very nice restaurant that her Uncle Bill had spoken about on many occasions.

The door opened and Alex took a deep breath before turning, as she did so, she smiled. Olivia was standing in the doorway, mouth open, eyes watering "Olivia, What is it?" Alex asked

"You…look…amazing" she managed before throwing her purse onto the couch and embracing the blonde, who smiled and hugged Olivia tighter "Why are you all dressed up?"

Alex smiled; she was wearing a bale blue strapless chiffon dress that fell just below her knees, and darker blue heels. She had teamed it with silver jewellery and her hair was tied back into a high bun, whispers of hair dangling the side of her face. "I'm taking you to dinner"

"Wow" Olivia said before faltering "But I don't have anything to wear, and you look beautiful Alex"

"You have that LBD that you love, and I love you in it, it's on the bed"

"You are perfect. Do we have a time frame? I'd like a shower if I can" Olivia asked

"Yeah, the table is reserved for 8pm, it's only just 6"

Olivia kissed Alex chastely on the lips, before sauntering of the bathroom, undressing as she went.

Alex laughed and then sighed, sitting on the couch, as she waited for Olivia to shower and dress.

* * *

Promptly 40 minutes later, Olivia emerged from the bedroom, already showered, hair dried, and wearing the dress Alex had set for her. It was made of lace, with an underskirt and silk chemise to make it less provocative.

Alex gasped as she saw her girlfriend, and felt her body tingle with sensation. "You look totally hot Liv" she said and then laughed at her choice of words

Olivia laughed too, and said "but you are exquisitely beautiful Al, and I am the luckiest woman on this planet"

They met, lips meeting lips and Olivia's hands snaking around Alex's waist as Alex ran her fingers through Olivia's brunette locks that were slightly curled around her shoulders. Alex ran her tongue along Olivia's lower lip, asking for entrance which Olivia happily gave. Their tongues began swirling, as Olivia pressed her body into Alex, whose legs shook as her hips bucked and met the brunette's as they moved towards the wall. Alex broke away first, gasping for air and smiling before nipping at Olivia's top lip. "I love you Olivia" she whispered

"I love you too" Olivia replied bringing her lips back to Alex's, after a few seconds, Alex pulled away "I'd love to continue but I've planned this date for ages and I don't want to waste it"

"Date eh?" Olivia whispered and Alex placed a kiss on the brunette's lips before nodding

"Our first date" she smiled

* * *

As the cab pulled up, Olivia saw that they were outside a little restaurant; Alex got out the cab and extended her hand to Olivia who gladly took it. They entered the restaurant holding hands and Alex gave her reservation details, as they were directed to a table in the centre of the restaurant. The table held a small tea candle and orchid, and there was a dance floor where couples were dancing to the music which was playing. "This is a lovely place, Alex"

"I've never been here but my Uncle Bill said he took Auntie Jeanie her a few times"

"Well it's lovely. And romantic" Olivia said smiling as she reached across the table and touched the Blonde's hand "Thank you"

They ordered steak and ate comfortably, making small talk about Olivia's day at work, what Alex had been up to. They talked about Alex going back to work, and decided that she'd call Liz tomorrow. Alex missed working and now she was physically well and had overcome some of the emotional aspects of what had happened, she wanted to be busy and back at work.

After they ate, Alex took Olivia to the dance floor, before heading over to where the music organiser was standing; she spoke to him and returned to Olivia. She placed her hands on Olivia's hips, and gently kissed her lips before swaying as the music began

Girl I must say to you  
Tonight you're looking so good  
And I see no more time for wasting no time debating  
I think you feel the same way too  
Look at the time it's getting late but make no mistake  
I'm not ready to let you go away from me  
So I got to say

Olivia rested her head on Alex's shoulder as they continued to sway to the music. Olivia had never heard this song, but she thought it was quirky yet sweet and listening to the words, romantic. She was always surprised by Alex, her taste in casual clothes, her good reads, favourite films and her like of music was varied and Olivia loved hearing the songs Alex liked.

I want to get you, I want to get you  
Out of your dress  
Your little black dress  
I said I want to get you, I want to get you  
Out of your dress  
Your little black dress

Olivia felt the wetness in her panties as she listened to the music and laughed, Alex smiled coyly at her. Kissing her neck which didn't do anything to calm Olivia's body.

When on the dance floor  
Is when I start to lose control  
With my hands upon your hips  
And I'm kissing on your lips  
While I'm staring at your..  
So I got to say

Olivia giggled quietly as Alex rubbed her hips with her fingers, and placed a delicate kiss upon Olivia's lips, and then allowed her gaze to fall to her breasts. Olivia kissed Alex hard and whispered "Can't wait to get me out of this dress?"

Alex's breath hitched and her eyes twinkled with desire as she led Olivia back to the table and laid some money on the saucer before taking her outside.

**So reviews welcome. I don't know how long the next chapter will take. I've been toying with ideas for their first time, and attempted to draft it a little but I want it to be just right and I haven't written an explicit scene before so bare with me on it and how long it takes.**

**Note: Song used in this chapter is by One Drop and is called Little Black Dress.**


	19. Intense

**A.N: Here goes. I expected to take longer but it seemed to come naturally (no pun intended). Hope it satisfies you. It's a bit mushy in parts as well, but we all love a bit of mush don't we?**

**Chapter 19 - Intense**

As soon as they entered Olivia's apartment Alex caught the brunette's lips, kicking the door closed behind her, they managed to reach the couch while Olivia's hands were fumbling to undo the zip on Alex's dress.

As Alex pushed Olivia gently onto the couch, she hitched up the brunettes dress, running a slim hand along her thigh. The action caused Olivia to gasp with anticipation as she tugged gently on the front of the dress Alex was wearing, exposing bare breasts. She slowly caressed the underneath of them holding them in her hands as she gazed into the eyes of her soon to be lover.

"These are perfect"

She ran a thumb over a taut nipple, before placing gentle kisses on the flesh, and then repeated the action on the other. Alex let out a gentle moan of pleasure as she pulled away to shimmy out of the dress before returning to capture Olivia's lips.

She took Olivia's hand and motioned for her to stand. She twirled the brunette so that her back was facing Alex as Alex undid the zip of Olivia's LBD. She whispered seductively "I'm getting you out of this dress; I said you looked good in it but you look even better out of it"

Olivia felt her breath hitch and her body tingle as Alex tugged her towards the bedroom. Clad in their underwear, they allowed their lips to meet as they reached Olivia's bed. Alex unclasped the brunette's bra, licking her lips at the sight of her girlfriend.

"Beautiful" she whispered climbing onto the bed and straddling Olivia's hips.

She kissed her way up the older woman's torso, hands roaming the skin underneath. She licked the area around Olivia's right nipple before running her tongue over a tight nipple, and catching it with her teeth, she bit gently on the skin, enough to make Olivia cry out but without causing pain.

"Oh…Alex"

She then repeated the action before cupping both breasts and compacting them against each other.

Olivia flipped the blonde onto her back, and began trailing gentle kisses above Alex's breasts, stroking the flesh beneath them.

"Liv…"

She took the left nipple into her mouth and sucked gently, her hands on Alex's shoulders, before crossing over to the right.

"Feels so good" Alex gasped

Slowly and gently Olivia leant back, pulling Alex up with her, and pressing a knee into Alex's panty covered centre.

"Ah" Alex gasped as she allowed her lips to meet Olivia's as she felt the brunette's hands on her hips, gently rocking her into her thigh.

Alex tugged at Olivia's panties, as Olivia struggled to remove them while keeping contact with the blonde.

Alex was breathing heavily, as she felt Olivia's warm centre collide with her thigh, as her own panties were beginning to soak with her own juices.

"Olivia" she moaned attempting to free herself of her underwear. Olivia climbed off, enough for Alex to remove them before returning to straddle the blonde's thigh as Alex straddled hers.

Lips met in a hasty kiss, hands trailing skin, as they rocked together rhythmically.

Alex pushed down onto Olivia's leg, her need for release powerful and edging closer with the friction. "Oh, Liv" she gasped as she felt Olivia thrust faster. Alex sped up, in an attempt to match the brunette's speed.

"Alex!" Olivia screamed, her fingers gripping Alex's shoulders as she trembled over the edge, joined a moment later by Alex in her own state of climax, who silently rode her orgasm, her whole body convulsing in ecstasy. As they slowed down, Alex's lips met Olivia's in a gentle kiss.

Olivia felt wetness roll onto her cheek, and opened her eyes to see tears in the blonde's eyes

"Alex" she whispered

"Olivia" Alex whispered back

"Are you okay?"

"Never better baby, that was amazing" Alex said

"It was perfect" Olivia agreed "so why are you crying?"

"Because…I…it…I…just…Olivia" Alex stuttered "I've never felt like that. How did you know how to…you said you'd never done this with a woman before"

Olivia wrapped her arms around the blonde, resting her head on Alex shoulder.

"I didn't. I just did what I thought you seemed to like"

"I loved it. I've never had an orgasm like that" Alex admitted "It was intense"

"It was perfect" Olivia repeated her original statement.

They lay wrapped in each other's embrace for a long time, listening to each other's heart beating.

"What do you want to do now, shall we sleep or you want to watch a movie?" Olivia asked quietly

"I'm tired" Alex admitted "I just want to hold you"

"I want to hold you too. Sleep then and I'll sleep with you"

"Olivia?" Alex questioned

"Mmm" Olivia mumbled, her eyes closed

"Why haven't I gone home yet?"

"Because we haven't spoken about it and because I don't want you to"

"But I have to soon"

"Mmm" Olivia thought "You could stay here"

"Olivia?" Alex asked, her voice squeaking

"What?" Olivia said opening her eyes

"You just said…"

"I know. Do you want to go home?"

"I…um…I guess…I…really…I should…um...no"

Olivia laughed "Then don't. Stay"

"You mean move in here. Pack up my apartment?"

"Is it too fast, too quick? Am I jumping ahead here?"

"It is quick. But I want to be with you. I just…my lease will run out next week"

"Have you renewed it?"

Alex shook her head "I…didn't know…how to, you know bring it up"

"So you waited until after we'd made love?"

Alex blushed and giggled "Made love?" she asked

"Yes, that's what we did, and I want to make love to you as often as possible"

Alex kissed Olivia's hair "I love you Olivia Benson"

"And I love you Alexandra Cabot"

"More than words can say"

"More than actions can convey"

"Forever and always"

"Until our last breaths are taken"

"Until the world no longer turns"

"So, when do you want to move in?" Olivia asked as Alex giggled at the quick change in tone

"Tomorrow" Alex whispered

Olivia looked up at Alex, and smiled "Tomorrow it is. Will you need help? What will you do with your furniture?"

"I want to bring my desk and some books if that's okay? The desk can go in the living room, maybe, if that's okay?" Alex asked nervously

"That's more than okay" Olivia laughed

"The other stuff I'll sell. It's just furniture"

"We'll talk more in the morning. Let's sleep"

"Okay. Goodnight Liv"

"Night Al"

* * *

The next morning, Alex awoke, with Olivia near enough lying on top of her. Their legs were a tangled mess. Alex kissed Olivia's head, stroking her arms. They hadn't dressed after making love, and the feel of Olivia's body on hers stirred her arousal.

"Morning" she heard Olivia say looking up

"Hi" Alex whispered

"What?" Olivia questioned, hearing the sigh in the blonde's voice

"You're making me feel all tingly down there" Alex said

Olivia smirked, noticing how her hip was pushed into Alex's centre; she let her fingers trace the pale skin beneath her, as Alex trembled. As Olivia touched Alex's centre, Alex gasped at the sudden contact as Olivia teased her opening, running a finger through the blonde's folds which were dripping with desire.

Alex shifted uncomfortably, her breathing shallow and unstable as Olivia allowed her finger to press down on the blonde's clit. Alex bucked her hips, as Olivia moved position, so that she was hovering over the blonde's stomach. With her right hand Olivia rubbed the bundle of nerves, while her left taunted her centre.

"Liv…please"

Olivia complied, pushing a finger into Alex's opening, Olivia replaced her right hand with her mouth, nipping and pulling at the pebbled nub as she thrust slowly in and out

"Olivia" Alex gasped in pleasure

The sound of Alex saying her name in that manner, caused Liv to reach her free hand down to her own centre, rubbing her clit as she continued to lick, and suck on Alex's.

Alex became aware of what Olivia was doing, and felt her breath quicken as Olivia added a second finger, speeding up her fingers inside Alex.

Alex's hips bucked wildly as she let her intense orgasm rip through her, this time unable to keep the sound from escaping her lips "Ohhhhhh" she cried as she rode the final waves. Olivia slowed her pace and continued to kiss the nub beneath her lips before removing her fingers as she felt her own orgasm begin. She trembled as she let herself go, and crawled up to meet Alex's lips.

"Wow" Alex breathed and Olivia smiled, before crawling off the bed "I gotta get to work"

Alex sighed, as Olivia disappeared out of the room, and heading into the bathroom. She lay there, recovering from her high.

20 minutes later, Olivia returned, a towel wrapped around herself as she rummaged through her underwear drawer.

"Are you calling Liz today?" Olivia asked, dropping the towel and stretching to reach a shirt from the shelf in her wardrobe

"Uh" Alex answered, her eyes resting on the bare skin of Olivia's backside

"Alex?" Olivia asked turning around, and chuckling as she saw Alex's eyes widen at her front

"Uh" Alex repeated. Olivia picked up the towel, recovering herself as Alex blinked "What did you say?"

Olivia laughed loudly "I asked if you were calling Liz today? But you were a bit preoccupied"

"Well, you did drop your towel" Alex said swallowing and licking her dry lips "I'm going in to see her, before going to get some things from my apartment"

Olivia smiled, "Want a lift?" she asked

"Uh. Yeah. Let me shower first?" Alex said, jumping off the bed. She kissed Olivia on the lips quickly before heading to the shower.

* * *

Alex headed down the corridor to Liz's office. Knocking on the door, she took a deep breath before pushing it open to the command of "Come in"

"Alex! It's great to see you" Liz exclaimed standing to hug the blonde

"And you"

"How are you?" Liz asked, gesturing to the couch for Alex to sit

"Good, great actually. I'm moving in with Olivia for good" she said grinning

"And I take it, something else happened as well" Liz said smiling

Alex blushed "What makes you think that?"

"Well, apart from the fact that you just blushed a nice pink colour and that you're grinning like an idiot. You're walking different and you just look so much happier. I recognise that look, plus Casey was wearing the same look a couple of days ago, as was Abbie"

Alex laughed and made a mental note to go see Casey before she left

"Well?" Liz nudged

"I don't kiss and tell" Alex said

"It seems like more than kissing was involved"

"It was perfect, last night and this morning" Alex said winking which caused Liz to blush and then groan

"Too much information Alexandra"

Alex laughed and said "When can I come back?"

"To the point aren't you?" Liz chuckled

"I'm going crazy at home alone. Olivia went back to work last week and I miss being here and working"

"You always were so dedicated; I wondered how long you could stay at home. Are you sure you're ready?

"Yes. I have been for a while. But Olivia just wanted to be cautious, you know"

"She's a good one, don't let her go Alex"

"I don't intend to. I love her so much"

"I know, I can see it whenever her name is mentioned. You light up, it's beautiful to see Alex"

"So when can I come back" Alex repeats her earlier question

"It's totally up to you. We've managed to cease your work load a bit, with the temps and that and you only worked a day with us, or was it even that?"

"Not quite a day. Olivia had that accident on my first day" Alex reminds Liz

"Oh, yes. Alex, would you like to go back to SVU?"

"I can't. Olivia remember and Casey is doing good I hear" Alex says confused as to why Liz asked this

"You can. I was thinking about splitting the work between you and Casey. You'd have more time personally and professionally you'd have each other's backs. The cases Olivia is the lead detective in, Casey would take and those she isn't, you'd have. You wouldn't be able to question her on the stand, but Casey could do that. What do you think?"

"I don't know. I loved SVU, and Casey is a good friend, I just…"

"Think about it. Either option is to be taken Monday. Talk to Casey, talk to Olivia, and let me know over the weekend"

"Okay. Thanks Liz" Alex says, hugging her supervisor.

Alex leaves the office, her head spinning. "Casey" she thinks "I need to talk to Casey, about this, and about Abbie" she smiles

**So what did you think? Did I do okay? What shall happen next? I have a few ideas...but would like to see what you think. What happens when Alex goes to see Casey? Will Alex go back to SVU or stay at appeals, or will she go somewhere else entirely? Elliot still has to kiss Alex's ass (his own words remember), so how does he do this? All this coming up, and more...give me your thoughts.**


	20. Romantic

**A.N: I cannot believe we're at Chapter 20 already. Thank you to those following this and leaving reviews, it helps more than you know, having your input, ideas and thoughts. To hear that you are enjoying this, boosts my confidence and drives me to write better.**

**Chapter 20 - Romantic**

Casey was in her office, and had been attempting to write her opening and closing statements for the latest case but her mind had wandered and she now had one hand hovering over the keys, while the other was in the waistband of her trousers, gently rubbing her clit as thoughts of Abbie took her elsewhere. When there was a loud knock on the door, she jumped in shock, totally not expecting visitors, quickly removing her hand as the door opened and Alex entered "Heck Alex, you nearly gave me a heart attack, knocking so loudly"

"Sorry" Alex said laughing at the flustered look Casey was wearing as her own cheeks turned a light pink "Was I interrupting something?"

"No" Casey said far too quickly, her face turning a darker pink, as she adjusted herself in her chair

"Oh, don't worry about it Case. You were just getting off, it's no biggie" Alex said, laughing out loud, taking a seat on the couch

Casey covered her face with her hands, her embarrassment obvious "What did you actually come here for Alex?"

"I didn't come, and neither did you by the irritated tone in your voice" Alex said smirking

Casey shook her head, and gave the blonde a shove as she took a seat next to her on the couch. "Just shut up and talk"

"I've just spoken to Liz, and she propositioned me" Alex explained as Casey raised an eyebrow "Not like that Case! Gosh, no. About coming back here, to SVU"

"I know what you were talking about Alex. You tease me as if it's perfectly fine, and the minute I tease you, you go all defensive"

"If only you knew the full story of me and Liz's conversation"

"This sounds juicy…Uh. You know what I mean" Casey said as they both burst out laughing

"We're like a couple of horny teenagers" Alex said "So, what do you think, should I come back, would you mind?"

"I'd love it Alex. Liz spoke to me and told me of her idea, and I welcomed it. Alex, everyone speaks so highly of you, Alex would have done this, and Alex does it this way, and Alex is an angel"

"Oh Case. I don't mean to make you feel bad or anything" Alex said worryingly

"You don't, it doesn't. I like it, it pushes me, but I've settled in well. It's nice to hear them talk so warmly about you Al, and it makes me proud. I always knew you'd do well"

"Thanks Case, that means a lot"

"Do you want to come back?"

"Yes. I only spent a few hours in appeals but I was so bored. I like the drama, the challenge, the feeling you get when you win a case, when you can help the victims get justice"

"Well, come back then. I'd love to work with you"

"I need to talk to Olivia, but it's tempting"

"So, this conversation between you and Liz"

"She said I had the freshly fucked look going on" Alex said laughing

"What? Really, she said that?"

"Well, not in so many words, she said I looked happy and she'd seen that look before, when she saw you and Abbie" Alex chuckled

"Uh" Casey groaned covering her face with her hands as Alex grinned

"So, you and Abs, eh? How's it going Case?" Alex asked

"It's good. Oh, it's more than good. I don't know why we've never got together before. She is amazing, and she's such a laugh, I can come home after the worst day and she'll make me smile instantly. We're taking it slow, but she is just so perfect" Casey gushed. Alex loved to see her friends happy, and Casey certainly seemed to be.

"I'm so pleased for you Case. It's amazing to have someone that makes you that happy, you seem so much brighter than I've ever seen you"

"Thanks Alex. So, did you and Olivia have you know?" Casey asked

"You know?" Alex questioned "Do you mean sex?"

"Haha, that's how Olivia referred to it when we spoke a couple of days ago" Casey explained, she then saw the anger in Alex's eyes "Alex. She was worried about you. She just asked for some advice on how to approach you, that's all. She loves you, and she cares for you deeply. Nothing was said to hurt you, or upset you. She just needed someone to talk to, someone that knows you somewhat"

Alex nodded "I know. I've been a bitch, and Olivia didn't deserve that"

"No, Alex. You've been through hell and you've just had trouble dealing with it all. It's normal, you know that. Olivia loves you, she knows how hard it is and she doesn't hold it against you. She just needed someone to talk to, that's all"

"I know" Alex said sighing

"Hey, we were talking about good things. So come on, how was it?"

"I'm not going into the finer details Case. But it was amazing, I took her out to dinner, and then we came home, it was gentle but intense. I've never felt like that before, it was overpowering, and it made me cry. It was beautiful Case, beautiful and sweet. And this morning, was amazing as well. I really love her so much" Alex outpoured her thoughts

Casey hugged the blonde "I am real happy for you. You deserve everything good"

"Thanks" Alex replied "I better get going. I'm moving in with Olivia permanently, and I need to pack and somehow get my desk to hers, and sell my furniture"

"Hey. I'm finishing up early today. Need a hand?"

"Well, I could use one but only if you're not busy or anything"

"Would I have offered otherwise? Come on, Al"

"I wanna pop into the florist on our way" Alex said as they entered the elevator

"Aw, you're such a romantic"

"Nah, I just love Liv and I want to show her every day"

"Aw, Alex, you'll make me cry" Casey said, tears forming in her eyes

Alex laughed as they landed on the ground floor with a gentle jerk.

* * *

Olivia was having the worst day ever. They had caught a case that was proving difficult, Fin had not turned up, and she had a feeling that he was still a little torn over Casey and Abbie. She had seen how much he had warmed to the new ADA and knew that the sudden knowledge that she was a bisexual and had feelings for Abbie had hit him hard. Munch was being an ass, with his theories and comments about Alex's rear end. Elliot was being overly nice, which was started to irritate the brunette.

"Delivery for Miss Olivia Benson?" came the question from a young male

Olivia looked up and saw a delivery guy holding the hugest bouquet of flowers. There were orchids, primroses, 4 white zinnias and a single red rose in the centre. "That's me" Olivia managed to choke out

The delivery guy handed her the flowers and she set them on her desk, unshed tears in her brown eyes. She picked up the card, seeing Alex's writing, she read

_"These orchids symbolise my love for a beautiful lady, the primroses tell her that I can't live without her, while the white zinnias tell her that I think she is a goddess and the red rose simply says "I love you". You are my world Olivia Benson, and I want you to know that I love you with every fibre of my being, and I'll never stop showing you, telling you because it will never die, my love for you will never cease. You are beautiful to me, always. From your love, Alex"_

The tears began to fall, as Elliot took the card from her trembling hands. He smiled as he read, placing the card beside the flowers, wrapping his arms around the detective. "Olivia, she's a special one. I'm sorry I ever doubted her"

Olivia nodded, wiping the last tears. She picked up her phone and text Alex

_"The flowers r perfect. U r perfect. Thank u 4 making me cry in front of Elliot, LOL. I love you always. Liv xx"_

_"No, you're perfect. I love you more than life itself Olivia. Casey's helping me pack up my apartment. See you later babe. I miss you. Al xxx"_

* * *

It was nearly 8pm when Olivia got home. She was utterly exhausted, carrying the flowers and take-away she unlocked the door and stepped inside. She placed the items on the kitchen counter and called "Alex, I'm home"

Alex called from the bathroom "I'm just dressing babe. Just showered. I'll be out in a couple!"

Olivia noticed the desk in the living room, and guessed that Casey must have helped Alex move it. She smiled, imagining Alex sitting at the desk when she came home, sometimes wearing nothing more than her underwear. Olivia blushed at the thought, and began plating up the food, still thinking of her girlfriend.

"Olivia?" Alex called watching Olivia gaze at the desk "Liv?"

"Uh. Oh, hey baby" Olivia snapped out of her trance, pulling the blonde in for a deep kiss

"Missed me?" Alex asked giggling

"Uh uh" Olivia repeated, crashing her lips to Alex's again

Alex pulled away "I'm starving. Can we eat first?"

"Oh yeah. Sorry, I forgot about dinner. You're just so beautiful Alex, I can't help it"

"Olivia?" Alex questioned "Why were you staring at my desk?"

Olivia blushed and turned her head "I was imaging you sitting behind it when I get home, wearing next to nothing" she mumbled

Alex knew what she had heard but wanted to hear it again "I didn't catch that Liv?"

"I said, I was imaging you sitting at it when I get home from work, and you'd be wearing nothing, or nearly nothing"

"I thought you said that" Alex smirked, as she sat down on the couch

Olivia blushed, as she began to eat.

They ate in silence, Olivia took the plates to the sink and returned with 2 glasses of wine, handing one to Alex

"Liz offered me a job" Alex said

"I was going to ask how you got on, what job, is it a new position or opening, or something?"

"Back at SVU"

Olivia gasped before shaking her head "But you can't, you said it would be a conflict of interest. What are you saying Alex?" she sounded worried, scared even so Alex took her hand

"Don't worry Olivia; I'd share the position with Casey. She would take the cases that you were lead detective in, and those you're not, I would take. I wouldn't be allowed to question you on the stand but Casey could, so we'd work together. I've spoken to Casey and its fine with her. But I need to know what you think?"

Olivia sat quietly, taking it all in before kissing Alex gently on the lips "If you want it, I'll be happy, if you don't, I'll stand by you. I'd love to have you back, as would the guys, and you and Case would work so well together. You're the best two ADA's we've ever had"

"Don't let Carmichael hear that?" Alex laughed

Olivia kissed her, this time with passion and want. Olivia's hands were everywhere, in Alex's hair, down her sides, trailing the length of the spine, before snaking up her shirt, as Alex cupped Olivia's breasts and began massaging them gently.

"Take me to bed Olivia" Alex whispered

**This was more of a filler for the next chapter, but I didn't want two back to back chapters with sex scene's so...that's my reasoning. Still would love your ideas and such.**


	21. Burnt by memories

**A.N: Posting this chapter now due to commitments later. I amended some previous chapters as I had realised the time frame I was going at with this, that we'd completely bypassed Christmas, so I changed the parts where it referred to being November, to September...so now at this point we are around early November.**

**Chapter 21 - Burnt by memories**

Alex allowed Olivia to take control this time.

Olivia was passionate, her lips covering every inch of the blonde's visible skin, along her cheek, lips, neck, sucking at her pulse point, no doubt marking her for all to see. She trailed kisses along Alex's collarbone, causing the blonde to murmur her approval.

As Olivia straddled Alex's hips she snaked her hands under the material of the sweater the blonde was wearing, allowing it to expose pale flesh that Olivia was eager to ravish. Pulling the sweater over the blonde's bra free breasts, Olivia's breathing increased its speed as she felt her body react to the sight and thought of Alex going the day unrestricted.

"You're beautiful baby" she whispered, fully removing the sweater and tossing it aside

Olivia took Alex's left nipple in her mouth and bit down firmly, he nails digging into the flesh above Alex's chest. Alex gasped at the contact,

"Liv"

But allowed it to continue as Olivia switched to the right breast. Olivia then leant back, removing her own top, before undoing the buttons on Alex's jeans. She tugged at the waistband, pulling over the blonde's hips as she shimmied backwards as she removed them. Grabbing Alex's panties, she removed them quickly, between pushing Alex's thighs apart with her hands, she mumbled something incoherent before burying her head between Alex's light curls, tracing a tongue across her wet folds, before plunging 3 fingers inside.

Alex gasped at the contact and froze as she remembered her first time. Her first time with Eleanor. Her body tensed as she felt the hot tears stinging her eyes. She closed them tight and tried to concentrate on the pleasure but only remembered pain.

Olivia looked up at her girlfriend, as she felt the body beneath her tense up. She removed her fingers, and felt Alex release the hold she had been keeping, her eyes still closed.

Olivia worryingly moved so she was beside Alex, as she touched the blonde's arm, Alex flinched

"Alex?" Olivia questioned

Alex was trembling, the tears visibly escaping the corners up her tightly shut eyes. Olivia attempted to stroke Alex's tears away, but this caused Alex to scream "No, no, stop, that hurts. No Ellie, stop"

"Alex. Alex honey, it's Olivia. It's me baby. It's Liv" Olivia whispered, her own eyes filling with tears as she tried to decipher what had just happened

Alex opened her eyes slowly, her breathing rapid, and her body still vibrating with fear.

"Alex?" Olivia questioned as she blonde turned to look at her

"Olivia? Is that you?" Alex whispered

"Yes, baby. Just me. Breathe honey. Just keep breathing with me" Olivia said soothingly, running a hand tentatively along the blonde's arm

"I'm sorry" Alex whispered as she melted to Olivia's touch

"Hey, it's okay. Do you want to talk about it?"

Alex shook her head as Olivia sighed

"Alex? It was me wasn't it, I was too rough with you wasn't I?" Olivia began to worry; she had thought Alex was okay.

"I just remembered, when you entered me, it was like Ellie all over again. Our first time, my first time, it was uncomfortable"

"Oh, Alex. I'm so sorry" Olivia sobbed as realisation hit her

Alex embraced the brunette and kissed her cheek "You didn't know. Olivia, look at me"

Olivia complied, her eyes red and puffy. Alex had calmed and was crying from shame, not fear. "It's okay. I'm okay"

"But you're not. I hurt you"

"No! No, no, no Olivia. You didn't hurt me at all. I liked it, the way you bit me, the passion, I liked being touched like that, you inside me, it felt good, but I just remembered the pain of before. Just remembered, I didn't feel it. Olivia, I didn't know that was going to happen, so don't feel bad" Alex explained

Alex stroked the brunette's hair. "I'm sorry" Olivia whispered as she snuggled into Alex's embrace

"Shh, Liv. Stop apologising. Close your eyes. Let's sleep. Tomorrow's Saturday, you're not on call and I'm not working either. We can continue this tomorrow"

Olivia closed her eyes and drifted into sleep, Alex sighed, as she felt Olivia relax, but she would not sleep, she needed to understand what had happened today. She needed to overcome this, and wasn't sure how.

* * *

Olivia woke; she reached out to hold her girlfriend but was met with cold sheets. She sat up, rubbing her eyes and heard the faint sound of water running. She wondered how long Alex had been up, looking at the clock which read 5.45am, she blinked, trying to work out if she had seen correctly. Yes, the clock did and does read 5.45am.

Olivia clambered out of the bed, "Alex?" she called

Waiting for a reply, Olivia began to worry when none came "Alex?! Are you okay in there?" she tried again

She didn't receive any response and pushed open the door, the steam coming from the shower blinded her for a second as the heat hit her. "Alex?" she called making her way over to the running shower. She saw the outline of a figure curled in the corner of the shower, a glassy look in her eyes. Olivia gasped, "Alex!"

Olivia reached out to switch off the water, noticing that it was scorching hot. She knelt down, reaching for Alex's hand to help her up, as the fog lifted, she saw the redness of Alex's usually pale skin "Alex? What's wrong baby? That water is real hot. You're skin is red raw"

"I…I…needed" Alex started as tears poured from her eyes and her legs gave way. Olivia guided her to the ground gently, sitting beside her, running her hands over the hot wet skin of Alex's back.

She stood, keeping an eye on the blonde as she turned the cold tap of the sink on, taking a flannel from the edge of the sink, she ran it under the cool water. Wringing it out she folded it into a neat square, and sat back beside Alex, looking at the redness of her girlfriends skin brought tears to her own eyes. "This might sting a little Al" she warned before placing the cloth on Alex's shoulders. Alex gasped in pain, tears brimming her eyelids. Olivia carefully cooled the blonde's skin.

Olivia was aware that Alex hadn't spoken, and was also aware that Alex was struggling to keep calm. Her breathing had become rapid and she was trembling at the contact. Olivia found some Savlon Cream in the cupboard, and carefully applied it to Alex skin.

She then held Alex, whispering "It's okay Al, breathe sweetie. In with me, and out with me. You're okay"

Alex began to relax and her breathing was slowing. Olivia guided her from the floor and into the bedroom. She pulled her onto the bed, and careful not to hurt Alex, guided then to the top of the bed so they were resting upright against the pillows.

"What's wrong Alex?" Olivia prompted

"Ellie" she whispered, before she could finish, the shrill of Olivia's cell phone sounded through the room

"I gotta get this Al" Olivia said hesitantly, aware that it could be work; she was still on call even on Saturday.

"Olivia, its Casey. Is Alex okay?"

"Case? What's wrong?" Olivia asked noticing the tremor in Casey's voice through the phone

"I just got a phone call. Ellie was attacked, she didn't make it"

"Shit" Olivia said looking over at Alex who had curled herself into a ball, and was silently sobbing "I think Alex found out a while ago. She's a mess but wasn't telling me anything. Casey, can you come over? I think she needs you. I don't know how to comfort her, and you need to see her"

"I'm coming. I'll be there in 20" Casey said as Olivia heard the click of the line.

"Alex, Casey's coming over. Shh, baby. It's okay" Olivia whispered to the blonde

* * *

23 minutes later, Olivia heard the knock at the door. She had managed to dress Alex in a loose tank, and panties, in order to preserve some modesty, but Alex wasn't responding to Olivia at all, she was limp and weak and numb.

"Casey" Olivia cried throwing her arms around the red head. "Sorry, come in. Are you okay?"

"It was a shock, and it took a little while to register, and yes, I cried. For my best friend, not for Eleanor, the Eleanor that did this wasn't my best friend" Casey tried to explain

Olivia nodded "I understand that, Case"

"How's Alex? You said she was a mess"

"Oh Case. I woke up, and she was in the shower. The water was scorching, Case, and Alex was sitting in the corner, her skin is so red, it's blistering. She won't talk to me; every time I touch her she flinches or tenses up. I'm scared Case. I don't know how to help or what she's feeling. We had a bit of a rough patch last night; I did something during sex that reminded her of Eleanor and now this. She's hurting and I don't know what I can do"

Casey embraced Olivia, who was crying openly at this point "Just be there. Do you want me to go and talk to her, or something?"

Olivia nodded wiping her eyes "I think because you knew Eleanor too, maybe she'll open up to you"

Casey smiled at Olivia as Olivia showed her the room in which Alex was lying.

"Alex?" Casey said quietly, sitting on the bed "It's Casey. You okay?"

Alex bolted upright, flinging her arms around Casey, bursting into tears with sadness, anger, confusion and finally, registering the pain. "Why Case? Why do I care?"

"Al, she was your first love. She hurt you, but you loved her, and although you love Olivia, part of you still loves El, and that's okay. I understand, because I feel it too, I hate that she hurt you, but she was my best friend, and as that best friend, she was amazing, but she changed, or maybe she always was that person Alex. But she was still a part of our lives, and it's natural to grieve"

"But I'm not grieving Casey. I feel guilty, I feel responsible and I don't know why"

Casey finally noticed the red blisters on Alex's skin and took a sharp intake of breath "Alex. What happened?" she asked, although Olivia had told her, she wanted to know what Alex was thinking when she took that shower

"I just wanted to feel but I was numb. I wanted pain, but I just felt relief, Case"

Casey felt her own eyes well with tears "Hey. You don't need to hurt yourself Alex. Hey, listen to me, it's not your fault. El hurt you, she could have killed you, she deserved to go to prison. She didn't deserve to get hurt, but she did, and maybe it's karma. But she can't hurt you now Alex. And you shouldn't allow her. Don't hurt yourself over it, please"

Alex nodded, still unsure, still in two minds. "Is Olivia okay?"

"She's fine Alex. She was terrified, she still is. Do you want me to go and get her for you?"

Alex nodded as Casey kissed her cheek and scooted off the bed.

Olivia opened the bedroom door, to find Alex sitting on the bed, cross legged and crying

"Oh Alex" Olivia whispered embracing the blonde gently

"I'm sorry" Alex sobbed

"Hey, what do you have to be sorry about? None of this is your fault, you didn't do anything wrong"

"I put her there" Alex sobbed

"No, you didn't, she put herself there Alex. You know that. Don't blame yourself"

"But I do"

"I know, I know. But you don't need to. Neither Alex, do you need to hurt yourself"

"I didn't mean to scare you Liv" Alex whispered

"I know. Alex, you really don't need to. Promise me, you won't"

Alex couldn't promise, she wanted to but she couldn't, "I'll try"

"Okay" Olivia relented, she needed to get Alex to open up, she was scared and worried

They held each other for a while before Casey poked her head around the door "I've got to go, Olivia, but call me if you need anything. Take care of yourself and Alex"

Olivia nodded, thanking Casey, before turning back to Alex who had drifted into a sleep wrapped within Olivia's arms.

**So, what did you think of this chapter. I wanted to kind of bring the Eleanor thing to a close, and this is maybe not the most original way but I thought it fitting. The next chapter may be up later today, depending on what time I get home from my Sister's baby shower. If not, sometime tomorrow. There'll be better things coming, I assure you.**


	22. The full story

**A.N: Here's the next chapter. I didn't go to the baby shower in the end, I didn't feel too good which kind of made an argument with my sister.**

**Anyway, I want to bring up something. I got a review yesterday from a guest, which I deleted. They said that they liked the plot, but was put off by the characters not being true to themselves. Well, it's fanfiction and not the show so I can change the characters, a little, they aren't gay on the show but are in the story. They didn't like that Olivia cries, apparently it's too much, and they said "Why would someone like Alex be suicidal?", well, like I said, she's not the same as on the show, and I always thought that she was too guarded, that she probably had deeper demons than they expressed. So, anyway, its a story. Its fanfiction, not the show. If you don't like don't read.**

**I love reviews, ideas and critique, but if you're going to review and leave a long ass comment about everything you hate but not the things you like, then don't bother, I won't change the whole story to fit with you.**

**Chapter 22 - The full story**

When Alex awoke, she was vaguely aware of the smell of coffee floating through the apartment, she was also vaguely aware of the fact that she was alone, but she was certainly aware of the pain she was in. Her shoulder blades and back were causing her an agonising amount of discomfort. The tears in her eyes were overflowing, as she pushed through the pain to stand in search of Olivia

"Liv" she said quietly through the searing pain she was in

Olivia turned and immediately grew concerned at the grimace and tears on her girlfriends face "What's wrong baby?"

"My back" she manages to choke out. The feeling is unbearable; the pain is real and deathly harrowing.

Olivia took a look at Alex's back; the blisters were breaking, and oozing a disgusting pale yellow liquid. "I'm taking you to the ER"

"No. I don't…" she was beginning to tremble; she couldn't explain the fear, of being seen like this. She just wanted to curl up with Olivia

"Let's compromise. I'll call Melinda" Olivia said picking up her cell.

Dr Melinda Warner was a medical examiner and often worked on the SVU cases. She was trusted by all the team and Olivia knew that Melinda would be able to help; she also knew that Melinda could be discreet and confidential.

* * *

20 minutes later, Alex had managed to relax a little, her body still hurting but she was able to breathe a little better. There was a knock on the door, and Olivia peeped through the spy hole to see Melinda. Opening it wide, Olivia gave a pleading look to Melinda as she entered the apartment.

Olivia had told Melinda as much as she could without invading Alex's privacy. Melinda was shocked, but she understood.

"Alex. Melinda's here" Olivia said quietly, Alex looked up and gave a small nod of recognition and thanks to both Olivia and Melinda

Melinda began bathing the burns, careful not to apply to much pressure as Alex attempted to pretend that there was no pain. But Olivia knew better, especially once Melinda had began applying a thick layer of burn cream to the blisters, as Alex squeezed Olivia's hand with her own. She hissed at the pain

"Sorry" Melinda said as she applied the last cream to the burns "Olivia, apply this every 4 hours, and Alex, try to take lukewarm showers, don't take too long to shower and try and keep it uncovered as much as you can"

"Thanks" Alex mumbled, feeling ashamed as Olivia walked Melinda out of the room

"Thank you Melinda" Olivia said "she wouldn't let me take her to the ER"

"It's fine. Call if you need any advice or anything" Melinda said, before eyeing the desk in the middle of the room "Why is there a desk in your living room?"

"It's Alex's. We don't really know where to put it. It won't fit in the bedroom and I don't like the idea of it there anyway. So it's sort of just here" Olivia explained, her breath hitching as she remembered her conversation with Alex regarding the desk.

Melinda nodded, noticing the slight tense in Olivia's shoulders "Remember, call me if you need anything"

Olivia nodded, and saw Melinda out before returning to Alex.

"How you feeling baby?" she asked

"Better" Alex said shifting to get comfortable

"The pain's better, or you feel better?"

"The pain is okay"

"What about you, Alex?" Olivia asked carefully putting an arm around the blonde and pulling her to her chest

"I'm alright. Olivia, what happened to Eleanor? Did Casey tell you why she was attacked?"

"I don't know Al, Casey didn't say and I didn't ask. I was and am more worried about you"

"I'm alright. Can you call Casey? I want to see her; I need to know what happened"

"I'll call her later Al. Are you hungry? I could put something together for you"

Alex shook her head "I'm fine"

Olivia sighed, she knew forcing Alex to do anything wouldn't work "Well, I'm gonna make myself a sandwich. Come and sit on the couch with me"

"I'm alright here"

"Alex, please. Come and sit with me. I'll put on a movie. Don't sit here thinking by yourself, you can think with me"

"I..." Alex started but she saw the concern on her girlfriend's face and knew what Olivia was doing "Okay"

Olivia made herself a chicken sandwich, and sat beside Alex on the couch. Alex had chosen 'Legally Blonde', it was her favourite movie and she was quite shocked that Olivia had this in her collection "It reminded me of you a little" Olivia blushed when Alex mentioned it

They watched the film while Olivia ate, and once she had finished, she allowed Alex to curl up against her. The position was slightly awkward as Alex was still in a little pain, and couldn't put a lot of pressure on the burns.

"Olivia, why is the desk in the middle of the room?" Alex asked

"It was in the way of the fireplace. But it's sort of still in the way" Olivia laughed

"Maybe I didn't think about where we'd put it when I said I'd like to keep it"

"It's okay. We'll find somewhere" Olivia said smiling

"You were thinking about me on that desk Olivia?" Alex said, a slight smile on her lips

"What? No, I mean, yes, but no. I am but I know we can't" Olivia stumbled and saw Alex trying not to laugh

"Shh, we will, soon. I love you Olivia"

"I love you too Alex"

"I'm sorry"

"Hey, don't apologise for anything. There's nothing to be sorry about, okay?"

Alex nodded and then sighed. They continued to watch the movie. When it finished, they lay together, Olivia stroked the blonde's hair as Alex took Olivia's other hand and entwined it in her own.

* * *

Abbie had heard about Eleanor, and was unable to reach Casey through her cell. She went to Casey's apartment and knocked loudly on the door.

It swung open to a tired looking Casey, who threw her arms around the slight brunette.

"Hey Case. It's okay"

Casey took a step back, and laughed "Yeah, it is. It's fine. El's gone, and Alex is a mess"

"Casey?" Abbie questioned as she entered the apartment and closed the door behind her.

"I'm fine. I've gone through all the tears I have. Like I told Olivia, I cried for the Eleanor that was my best friend, not for the woman that hurt Alex"

"I get that. How is Alex? You said she was a mess, what does that mean?"

"She's hurting Abs. I called Olivia this morning to find out if Alex was alright, and Olivia asked me to come over. Alex burnt her shoulder blades and back in the shower, she had the water on full heat, she's red raw and everything. She wanted to hurt, she feels like it's all her fault. She still loved Eleanor, in a strange way"

"Why would she still love her? She has Olivia now, and Eleanor hurt her?" Abbie was confused; it didn't make sense to her

"You're first love Abbie. Do you remember them?" Casey asked, and Abbie nodded "Do you still love them, a little part of them?" Abbie nodded

"But I love you more" Abbie answered and then realised what she had said "I'm sorry, it was meant to be romantic the first time I said that"

"I love you too Abbie" Casey said, bringing her lips to Abbie's, she pulled away quickly "If your first love had hurt you, would you still have loved them"

"I don't know" Abbie answered honestly

"Look. I don't think Alex loves Eleanor now, I think she feels guilty about everything. I think that she loved her even though she hurt her, even though she cheated on her. I think part of her wanted Eleanor to suffer, but she still feels it's her fault"

"Yeah, I guess I get that"

"Do you remember my ex Charlie?"

"Yeah, he was schizophrenic, right?"

"Yeah. He hurt me, you know, but he didn't mean to. He didn't take his medication, and it made him violent. I didn't get him the help he needed, and he ended up on the streets, and he died a John Doe. I loved him through it all, even after he beat me, but I know it wasn't him. I felt guilty, I still do. I know how Alex feels"

"Oh Casey" Abbie said hugging her girlfriend

"No, you see. I understand it. I've dealt with it. Alex needs help, and I'm worried about her. After Eleanor cheated she tried to kill herself, and what she did earlier, Abs, that scares me"

"Maybe we should talk to Huang. He could pop over and have a chat with Alex?" Abbie suggested

Casey nodded "I think we need to talk to her too. And to Olivia first. I don't want her to resent us, to think we are ganging up on her"

Abbie agreed with a nod, pulling Casey in for a hug, as her cell screeched to indicate a call. She checked the I.D "Its Olivia" she told Abbie before answering

"Olivia? Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, I'm just calling because Alex asked me too. Do you know what happened to Eleanor, why she was attacked?"

Abbie heard the question, and nodded at Casey, indicating that she knew the details

"Abbie does. She hasn't told me yet though. Why? Does Alex want to know? Is she okay?"

"Can you both come over? Alex wants to know, I think it might help. I'm not sure. She's alright, I think. I don't really know Case. She's taking a shower at the moment"

"Keep an eye on her Olivia, I'm worried about her. But we'll be over right now, is that okay?"

"I know. Yeah, I'll see you both soon"

Casey cut the call and turned to Abbie. "Tell me what you know; I need to hear first so I can help Alex through it"

Abbie nodded and began.

* * *

Casey and Abbie arrived at Olivia's. Knocking on the door Casey turned to Abbie "Be gentle with her Abs. Please? Don't go into details, just keep it simple"

Olivia opened the door and gestured for the women to enter "Alex is just in the bedroom, she's resting. I'll go get her"

"Olivia, why is there a desk in the middle of your living room?" Abbie asked, and Olivia and Casey chuckled

"It's Alex's. We can't work out where to put it" Olivia said

"It was over by the fireplace earlier" Casey said, raising an eyebrow as she sat on the couch

"It was in the way" Olivia explained, her cheeks flushing, as she headed to the bedroom

"I think Olivia has some desk fantasies" Casey whispered to Abbie

"Casey!" Abbie exclaimed

Both women were in fits of giggles as Olivia returned, with Alex by her side. Alex was gripping her hand so tight; Olivia's fingers were growing numb

"What's funny?" Olivia asked, pulling Alex over to the armchair, and sitting.

"Nothing" Abbie said quickly, "Hey Alex"

"Hi Abs. Hey Case" Alex said quietly, sitting on Olivia's lap "Tell me"

"Alex" Casey started "Do you think this a good idea?"

Alex shook her head "Maybe not, but I need to know. Please?"

Olivia pulled Alex closer, aware of the slight tremble the blonde was emitting.

"Abbie?" Casey asked the younger brunette sitting beside her

"Eleanor started a fight with one of the other inmates. Both ended up in the ER, but Eleanor died from internal bleeding" Abbie explained

Casey breathed a sigh of relief that Abbie had kept it simple

"Tell me everything" Alex said "I need to know. Did she suffer, was it quick? What was the fight about?"

"Alex" Casey said, in a warning tone

"No, Case, I need to know. I need to understand"

Olivia was quiet; she was looking at Abbie, begging her with her eyes. She didn't want Alex to know everything

"Alex. I don't think…" Abbie started

Alex pulled away from Olivia "I don't care!" she almost shouted "I need to know"

Olivia attempted to pull the blonde towards her, but gave up when Alex refused

Abbie took a deep breath "I don't know what the fight was about Alex. That's the truth. I don't know if anyone does, apart from the other woman. All I know is that Eleanor came to the ER with 2 broken ribs and a concussion, that she was kicked repeatedly and it caused her spleen to rupture. She died on the operating table"

Alex nodded, tears had pooled in her eyes, and she was struggling to stop them from falling

"Its okay" Casey said quietly, "you can cry"

This was Alex's undoing, she turned and sobbed into Olivia's shoulder for what seemed like forever. Abbie and Casey began to stand to leave but Olivia shook her head and mouthed "Stay"

Alex calmed and Olivia had assumed to she had fallen asleep as she stroked her girlfriends hair

"Olivia, we wanted to ask" Casey began "Should we call Huang?"

"I think Alex needs to talk to someone. I know you both trust him" Abbie added

Olivia thought for moment but the blonde answered "No. I'm fine"

"Alex? I thought you fell asleep" Olivia said

Alex looked at the three women "No. I know you care, and I know you're worried about me. But I'm okay. I don't need to talk to Huang. I just need my friends and my girlfriend"

"Alex?" Casey asked gently "Are you really okay? Look at me"

"I'm fine" Alex said but her eyes were unable to meet Casey's. Casey nodded; she didn't believe it for one second.

"Olivia, can I have a word?" Abbie asked, noticing the look she received from Casey

Olivia complied, kissing the blonde as they both stood "I'll be back"

Olivia and Abbie made their way to the bedroom, giving Casey some time with Alex.

Casey moved onto the arm of the chair where Alex had returned to

"Alex, talk to me. It's just me. Tell me the truth, please"

"I'm okay Casey" Alex almost whispered

"We both know that's not true. How's your back?"

Alex laughed "it hurts"

"What's funny Alex?"

"This. Us. Me. Everything. It's so fucking ridiculous. I don't feel anything anymore. I just want to feel something" Alex said, she was clenching her fists and Casey could feel the tension in her friend

"Alex? Don't…Olivia needs you. Look at me, Alex" Casey commanded her heart almost beating out of her chest. She turned Alex to look at her "Stop it. Stop thinking like that. It scares me"

"I…" Alex started as tears welled up in her eyes

"Al, it's okay. You need to talk to someone, and as much as I'll be there, you need help, and it's something I can't give you, not properly. Let me call Huang. He can come here. Just let us in, let me help, and let Olivia help"

Alex nodded "I don't want to be like this. I'm not going to do anything, I promise Casey. I just, it scares me too"

Casey pulled Alex in for a swift hug "Talk to Olivia. I'll call Huang later. If you need me, just call. But let Olivia in, she loves you"

"I love her too, so much Casey"

Casey nodded "I know"

* * *

Meanwhile, "Olivia, I didn't want to tell Alex everything"

"I know Abbie. I know. But she wanted to hear it and maybe now that she knows, she can deal with it."

"Casey told me what happened to her back. Do you think she needs to talk to Huang?"

"Yes. But I know how stubborn she is, and she's ashamed. I'm scared but I know she is too"

"She'll be okay Olivia"

"How's Casey doing?" Olivia asked

"She's okay. I think with Casey, Eleanor was her best friend, but she told me about Charlie, and I think she gets what Alex is feeling"

"Yeah, I think she does. And it will help Alex I think"

"Yeah, me too. I told her I loved her today"

"You did? That's great Abs"

"Yeah, it just kind of slipped out. She was trying to explain to me how Alex feels, she asked if part of me still loves my first love, and I said that I did but not as much as I love her"

"You still said it Abs. How did she take it?"

"She said she loves me too"

"Aw. I'm happy for you both. You're great together"

"Thanks. You and Alex will be okay, Olivia"

"I know, I know" Olivia said sighing. She really did know, she loved Alex and she wouldn't give up on her.

"You got plans for Christmas?" Abbie asked

"I haven't even thought about it. I don't know what Alex does, whether she goes to her Mothers, and what she wants to do. What about you?"

"I'm going back to DC, I want Casey to come with, but I haven't asked her yet"

"Does she know you're going to DC?"

"No. I just, I didn't know how to bring it up. I always spend Christmas with my family" Abbie admitted

"Why?" came a voice from the doorway "Why didn't you tell me, Abs?"

"Casey!?" Abbie exclaimed "I…didn't know how to. I don't know what you do and whether you'd want to come"

"I'd love to Abs. I wish you'd told me"

"I'm sorry. How's Alex?" Abbie asked

"She's sleeping. I'm going to call Huang. She agreed she needed to talk" Casey looked at Olivia "I told her not to shut you out Olivia. I think she's battling a few demons; she says she needs to feel. Keep an eye on her, but don't crowd her"

"Do you think she'll do anything silly?" Abbie asked

"She might try" Casey said looking at Olivia, who nodded in agreement and understanding

"What are you doing for Thanksgiving?" Olivia asked

"I don't know" Abbie said looking at Casey who shrugged

"Do you want to spend it with me and Alex?" Olivia asked

"Are you sure?" Casey questioned

Olivia nodded. "Yeah, I think it would be nice for us all"

**Coming up soon: Thanksgiving, there's a change of plans. Reviews are still very much welcome. **


	23. Talking to Huang

**A.N: Thank you again for the reviews.**

**Chapter 23 - Talking to Huang**

Olivia was sitting at her desk, it was nearly 10am, and she had been in since 8am. Just 2 hours yet it felt like 22. It was slow, Fin and Munch were catching and Olivia had to complete 2 DD5s. Elliot was twiddling his thumbs, texting Kathy, playing solitaire on the computer. He was bored and it showed. But Olivia was unable to concentrate on anything, she was aware that Alex had an appointment with Huang this morning. She wondered how it was going.

The weekend had passed relatively quickly, after the emotional low of Saturday, Sunday had been calm. Alex had seemed in good spirits, they'd spent the day watching movies, went for a stroll in the park and ordered take-away.

But Olivia knew tonight would be tough, she knew that Alex might totally shut down at her appointment, therefore she'd pretend everything was fine when it wasn't or she'd completely break down and tonight she'd blame herself, get angry, shout or ignore Olivia. There were two ways tonight would go, and Olivia wasn't looking forward to either.

She rubbed her forehead and sighed, tossing her pen onto the desk and leaning back in her chair. "You okay?" Elliot asked, concerned

Olivia nodded, and attempted to continue what she had been trying to achieve when she heard the faint sound of heels clicking, she knew that sound, she looked up at the door and smiled when she saw Alex, and then confused "Alex? What are you doing here?" she asked

"Hi to you too Liv" Alex said sarcastically "I offered to come up instead of Huang coming to me, he's got a busy morning"

"Oh right. Sorry Alex. It's just so slow here and I'm getting frustrated" Olivia sighed

"I brought you coffee and a donut" Alex said smiling as she perched on the edge of Olivia's desk

"I love you!" Olivia exclaimed planting a strong kiss on Alex's lips

"Hey, love you too" Alex said then took a deep breath before sighing "I can't stop Liv. I wish I could. I'll see you at home"

Olivia noticed the tension in her girlfriend "Okay" she said and hugged the blonde close before whispering "It'll be fine Al"

Alex pulled away and gave a small smile. Olivia sighed as Alex headed out and to the lift.

Elliot smiled at Olivia "You two really are great together. I am sorry I ever doubted the two of you" he acknowledged

"It's fine. Thanks El" Olivia says, looking at the floor

"Kathy wants to know if you're bringing Alex to thanksgiving dinner."

"What?" Olivia snaps her head up

"Kathy, wants to know if you're bring Alex to dinner, thanksgiving?" Elliot repeats

"I…uh. I sort of made plans"

"Oh, you always come to us Liv" Elliot accuses a little annoyed

"I know. I forgot. Casey and Abbie are coming over"

"Oh" Elliot can't help his disappointed

"I'm sorry El"

"Kathy is expecting you. I didn't expect you to bail on us Olivia. You come every year"

"I know. Do you want to come to us?"

"What and the kids?"

"I guess not. I am sorry Elliot"

"Please come Olivia"

"I can't. I made plans"

"But we were your plans first"

"Elliot"

"No, Olivia. I know I was an ass and everything but don't treat me like I'm nothing"

"If you really believed you were an ass, you'd stop being one now"

"But…" Elliot started

"No, I'm having Thanksgiving with my girlfriend and with Casey and Abbie" Olivia said in a tone that meant the conversation was over

Elliot sighed. He'd just have to try harder to make amends.

* * *

"So Alex what brings you here today?" George asked

Alex had just taken a seat on the couch, her hands clasped together with nervousness and her body tense and unnatural "I was told to come"

"By whom"

"Olivia, Casey and Abbie"

"Why do they want you to come here?" George asked

"I don't know"

"Don't you? Why ARE you here?"

"Because they told me to" Alex shuffled around on the couch

"No Alex. You came because you know you need to. They suggested it; nobody pushed you through my door"

"I suppose"

"So, why are you here?" George asked again

"I don't know"

"Don't you? I think you do"

"I…this isn't going to help" Alex said standing

"Sit down Alex. Do you need help?"

"No" Alex said, sitting down anyway

"So why did you say this wasn't going to help?"

"Because it's not"

"So you do need help?"

"I don't know" Alex sighed exasperatedly, she didn't see how this was getting anywhere

"How do you feel?"

"Why do you people always ask that?"

"What do you mean, us people? Shrinks you mean?" George pushed

"I guess"

"It's our jobs. We want to help"

"What if I don't need help?"

"I think we both know you do"

"What if I don't want it?"

"You wouldn't have come"

"Olivia told me to"

"She suggested it, you came by yourself"

Alex just shrugged, as George looked at her quizzically

"So, how do you feel?"

"With my fingers" Alex replied

"Funny Alex"

"Well, you asked"

"You know what I meant?"

"I'm okay" Alex said but she really didn't know what that meant

"What's been happening?"

"You know. I don't need to repeat it"

"I want you to tell me, in your words"

"Eleanor's dead" she said bluntly

"And? How does that make you feel?"

"I don't..." Alex started but changed her mind; she did know "I'm confused"

"About?" George prompted

"Everything. I hate Eleanor, I hated what she did to me, and then she came back and she hurt me and someone hurt her and I'm glad because she can't hurt me, but she still is, she's in my head and she won't go away"

"What does she say?"

"She doesn't say anything, I just see her, hurting me, and Olivia"

"And how does that make you feel?"

"It sucks. I wish she'd leave, and let me love Olivia"

"You don't love Olivia?" George asked

"I do"

"So why won't Eleanor let you?"

"I feel like I'm letting her down"

"Who? Olivia or Eleanor?"

"Both" Alex says, a lone tear running along her cheek. She wipes it away ferociously

"In what way?"

"Olivia deserves someone better, stronger and Eleanor broke me, I should stay broken"

"You're not broken, she didn't break you, she bent you and you're a bit out of shape, but you're not broken Alex"

"Olivia doesn't deserve me"

"Does she think that?"

"No. But I know she doesn't"

"Why?"

"Because she's Olivia, and she needs love and stability, and warmth and hope and I can't give it to her"

"Why?"

"Because I'm…" she starts but is cut off by George

"You're not broken"

Alex doesn't reply, the tears are silent but they are falling

"Do you want to break?" George asks

"I don't get it" Alex states

"Do you want to break, to be broken?"

"I…Olivia is just…I love her and Eleanor said I shouldn't love or be loved"

"So you think you don't deserve Olivia's love?"

"I know I don't"

"Why?"

"Because, I told you"

"No, you said you deserved to be broken, but you won't answer the question, do you want to be broken?"

"No"

"Well then don't let Eleanor break you"

"But she has"

"No, she hasn't. You're here, talking to me and you can stand and talk, you can live and you can love, and be loved"

"I guess"

"Does Olivia know what you think?"

Alex shakes her head

"Tell her" George says

"But… she" Alex starts

"She what Alex?"

"She'll think I'm weak"

"You're not and she won't"

"How do you know?" Alex asks

"Because I know Olivia and I know she loves you"

"But I don't…"

"You do deserve her"

"I just want to make her happy and I can't even be happy myself. I feel like I'm letting her down, and letting myself down and letting Eleanor down"

"Eleanor never let you build yourself up, so you can't let her down. And you won't let Olivia down, she's not like that, as for yourself, accept help, receive it and move on, that's the only thing to do"

"But…I just want to be normal! I hate being weak!" Alex begins to cry, the tears that were falling turning into heavy sobs that wrack the body and brain

"Alex, I think we'll leave it there today. Talk to Olivia okay, let her in, and let her love you"

Alex sits on the couch for a further 7 minutes, while George sits opposite, he lets her cry, and when she's finished, she stands and leaves. Her head is spinning and she's numb and tired. But she can't go home.

* * *

Casey is sitting in her apartment, it's nearly 6pm, and she's tired. Abbie has cancelled the date they had arranged, she's still working and can't get away. Casey has watched a re-run of family guy, some talk show she's never seen and is halfway through a showing of The notebook, which she's seen too many times to remember.

She jumps at the sound of the doorbell, as she peeps through the keyhole, she sees a shivering Alex, opening the door, she pulls the blonde inside, "Alex?" she says "You're freezing"

Alex doesn't speak, she just crumbles, her legs giving out as she falls, tears overpowering her cheeks, her body trembling from sadness and the cold.

Casey catches her as she falls, and brings her into a hug, pulling her towards the couch. She sticks the kettle on for coffee, grabs a couple of blankets, draping them around her friends shoulders and across her lap before pouring the coffee and handing it to Alex who shakes her head, Casey puts the mug onto the coffee table, and sits down next to Alex. She shuffles closer "What's wrong Alex?" she asks quietly

Alex looks at her "I saw Huang"

Casey nods in understanding "It was tough" she concedes, not in a question but statement

"Yes" Alex whispers "We didn't get anywhere"

"What do you mean?"

"He just kept asking why I was there, I said I was told to go, but he kept repeating the question, saying I wasn't forced through the door"

"You went because you knew you needed to" Casey said addressing her friend

"That's what he said"

Casey nodded, not wanting to force Alex's hand to continue but is relieved when she does

"I don't deserve Olivia" Alex states

Casey shook her head "You do, you need her and she loves you"

"I love her too" Alex whispers

"But you feel guilty"

"She needs someone stronger, better, not me"

"She needs you Alex, she wants you"

"But I'm broken" Alex said, tears falling down her cheeks

"No, Alex, you're not"

"That's what he said too"

"Huang?" Casey asks as Alex nods, sighing

Alex closes her eyes and leans back on the couch. Casey sits with her, trying to figure out what to say.

"You're a wonderful person Alex, don't let Eleanor win, not this time"

Alex nods tiredly, she can feel her body becoming calmer, and sleep is calling her. Within minutes she's succumbed to her emotions and tiredness.

Casey makes sure the blankets are around her before leaning back, and sighing.

* * *

Olivia finds the apartment empty. It's just turned 6.30pm. Olivia had hoped to be home by 5, but the criminals had decided to strike at the end of the day, not the beginning. It doesn't look like Alex has been home, the plates from breakfast are still on the kitchen top, and the crossword Alex had started sat unfinished. Olivia knew Alex hadn't been home, when she starts a crossword, it has to be finished the same day, it's a ritual she hasn't broken.

"Alex?" Olivia calls, knowing no one is home, but thinking she had better check, but she hears no reply and after checking all the rooms, and this takes about 2 minutes, concludes Alex isn't home. She tries to call, but is received with the voicemail "This is Alexandra Cabot, leave a message and I'll get back to you"

Olivia sighs "Alex, where are you? I'm home and you're not here, well you know you're not. I'm worried about you, call me please. I love you"

Olivia sits on the couch, after 10 minutes she calls again "This is Alexandra Cabot, leave a message and I'll get back to you"

Olivia doesn't bother with a message this time. She dials Casey, and after one ring it answers

"Casey! Have you seen Alex? She's not at home, she had an appointment with George today, and she isn't answering my calls"

"Olivia, calm down. She's here with me"

"What? Why? Why didn't she call, why didn't you call, is she okay?" Olivia rambles as she grabs her jacket and heads out the door

"Liv! Calm down. You'll have to ask her why she didn't call you. I didn't know she hadn't, she came here, she was cold and confused, she needed to talk"

"Tell her I'm coming to get her" Olivia says getting into her car

"Olivia, stay there. She's asleep at the moment. She's fine"

"No she isn't Casey. How long has she been at yours?"

"About half an hour" Casey answers, glancing at the clock

"She had an appointment at half ten, Case. She hasn't been home, tell me where she's been for 6 hours and then say she's fine" Olivia worries, already pulling out the garage

"I don't know Olivia. She was pretty cold when she got here"

"I'm coming over. I'm on my way" Olivia says, ending the call and sighing. She stops at a red light and hits the dashboard with her hand "Damn it"

**Where did Alex go? What about Elliot, how will he try and get back on side with Olivia, does he need to? **


	24. Understanding it all

**A.N: Thank you again for the reviews. It's great to read that you are enjoying it, to see your ideas and incorporate them. **

**Chapter 24 - Understanding it all**

"Alex?" Casey whispered quietly kneeling on the floor beside the couch where Alex had fallen asleep "Wake up honey?"

"Mmm, Liv?" Alex mumbles

"Nah, its Case. Wake up?" Casey says smiling; she could bet anything Alex was having a nice dream about her brunette girlfriend

"Casey?" Alex said sitting up, her eyes darting around the room. She stopped, closed her eyes and groaned, she remembered why she was here "Hi"

"Hey. Alex, Olivia's on her way over" Casey said gently, unsure of how her friend would take the news, would it be welcomed or would she be pissed

"What?" The tone in which Alex responded, Casey knew she was pissed

"She called me Alex, she was worried about you. I had to tell her you were here, otherwise she'd be over anyway, trying to drag me out to find you, and then she's be as pissed as you are, when she found out you were here"

"Ugh" Alex groaned

"Alex, why didn't you go home? Why didn't you call Olivia? Why didn't you tell me that Olivia wouldn't know where you were?"

"I…um…" Alex started, trying to figure out which question to answer first.

"Sorry, too many questions at once"

"Damn!" Alex exclaimed "What's happening to me? I can't even think properly, I'm an ADA for god sake, I went to Harvard and you ask me 3 questions and I can't even comprehend one" Alex is getting frustrated, and Casey can see her nails digging into her skin

"Alex!" She exclaims, pulling her hands from her arms as they're folded within each other

"Sorry. I didn't even realise I was doing that"

"Maybe not, but Alex, you've been through hell these last months. Just don't punish yourself for something that wasn't your fault"

"I'm not. I didn't realise really, Case"

"I know. I know. Where did you go this afternoon?"

"I just walked around a bit"

"A bit?" Casey asked in clarification "You must have finished your appointment with Huang at 11.30 or there about, and you turn up here at 6pm. 6 ½ hours Alex, where were you?"

"I walked. I don't really remember where"

"You don't remember?" Casey questioned, finding this a little odd

Alex shook her head, she did remember where she'd gone but she wasn't going to tell Casey and she sure as hell wouldn't tell Olivia.

* * *

Elliot was pacing his living room, Kathy had noticed his tension, and its inability to sit still "What is it Elliot?" she asked

"Olivia" he whispers quietly

"What about her?"

"She's not coming for Thanksgiving"

"Oh, okay" Kathy said a little shocked

"She's spending it with Alex"

"That's nice, she deserves it El" her shock turning to happiness that she'd found someone to celebrate with, albeit a little disappointed that she wouldn't be over

"And Casey and Abbie"

"Oh" Kathy added

"She didn't tell me, she just said she'd forgotten. She comes here every year"

"But now she has Alex" Kathy said quietly, she knew Elliot really liked Olivia. It was something she had accepted but was relieved when Olivia had started dating Alex.

"She invited us, but not the kids obviously"

"And?" Kathy questioned

"Obviously I said no, not without the kids"

"Right" she said raising an eyebrow

"What?"

"Oh come on El. You're pissed because she'd rather be with Alex than you?"

"No, that's not true. Kathy?" Elliot said tentatively

"Yeah it is but don't worry"

"I love you Kathy"

"I love you too" she said kissing him hard on the lips "Buy Olivia and Alex something nice"

"Like what?"

"I don't know. Alex needs Olivia, and Olivia will be there for her all the way. They need each other. You'll find something"

* * *

Casey hears the loud knock, and Alex jumps, slightly nervously, knowing its Olivia. Casey gives Alex's shoulder a firm squeeze

She opens the door to Olivia, who looks at her quizzically

"Come in" Casey says, stepping aside

"Alex?" Olivia asks, eyeing her girlfriend looking tense and trying to avert her gaze. She rushes over and sits beside her, pulling her into a hug

Neither woman says anything until Casey breaks the silence "You want a drink Olivia? I've got coffee, tea, water, orange juice, beer, wine"

"Just water is fine"

"Alex?" Casey asks "Drink?"

Alex shakes her head but Casey decides to get her a glass of water as well. She suspects that Alex hasn't eaten, and knows that she didn't drink the coffee that Casey had made when she arrived and knew she needed fluids into her.

Once Casey is in the kitchen, Olivia turns to Alex "Al? You okay?"

Alex nods and then shakes her head, resting it on Olivia's shoulder

"What happened with Huang?"

"Nothing"

"Nothing, so this is nothing. You disappearing all afternoon and then turning up here and not at home or at the precinct?"

"I didn't want to see you"

Olivia was hurt by this admission, that Alex didn't WANT to see her, that she'd rather see Casey

"No, Olivia. It's not about that. Huang just made me think, that's all" Alex said quickly, knowing where Olivia's thoughts were heading

"And you'd rather be here than home?"

"No!" Alex lets out an exasperated sigh "I don't deserve you"

"Alex? You deserve everything good you could possibly have. Is this what's bothering you?"

Alex nods, without offering anything else and this is Alex's way of ending that particular conversation.

"Where did you go?"

"Nowhere"

"You went somewhere, you didn't come here straight away and you didn't go home"

"I went for a walk"

"Where?"

"About. I don't remember, I just walked"

"Right" Olivia said, she didn't want to push Alex, and Alex obviously didn't want to talk, or even look at the brunette.

Casey returned "Here's your water Olivia, I poured you one too Alex"

"I said I was okay" Alex challenged

"Yeah I know" Casey said, ending that discussion before either began to get angry

Alex excused herself for the bathroom, she needed space, and she needed air.

"Where was she Casey?"

"She said she went for a walk, but doesn't remember where"

"Yeah, that's what she told me. But I don't believe it"

"Me either. Has she said what happened with Huang?"

"Only bits, apparently it didn't get anywhere and didn't help"

"Oh"

"Don't worry, I think it did, she just doesn't see it yet" Casey said trying to comfort Olivia

Meanwhile Alex was trying to talk herself down, trying to understand

"What's happening to me? Why do I feel so weak? It's like when Ellie cheated, except this time, I have people I'll hurt. I don't want to hurt Olivia, or Casey, or Abbie, heck, even Elliot, not that he'd care to be honest. I just feel numb. I didn't mean to dig my nails into my skin, but I did without thinking, and Casey saw, she's probably telling Olivia. Why did she have to come here? I can't talk to her right now. Alex, stop being weak, stop being stupid, get a grip woman. Look at yourself" she rambled

She looked in the mirror and laughed, here she was, talking to herself, and she was crazy, officially.

She hit the wall hard, her fist colliding with the plaster. It didn't hurt at all, she hit the wall again, seeing the blood on her knuckles, she hit the wall harder, but still it didn't hurt, she looked at her reflection in the mirror and her hand slammed into the glass. Then her knees gave way and she collapsed on the floor, her whole body shaking with raw emotion she couldn't hold back.

Olivia and Casey heard the clutter coming from the bathroom, and both jumped up "Alex!" Olivia called

As they edged closer to the bathroom they could hear Alex crying, and it broke Olivia's heart. Casey gulped and knocked on the door "Alex? Are you alright?"

"Of course she's not alright!" Olivia shouted at Casey, and then softened "sorry"

"Its fine" Casey muttered, she knew Olivia didn't mean to get so antsy, to be so aggressive but she knew she was worried, and Casey was too

"Alex, sweetie. Can we come in?" Olivia asked

They heard movement and the door opened, Olivia rushed to her side, "Alex?"

Alex just sobbed loudly into her shoulder while Casey found gauze, tape, bandages. Wetting a wash cloth, Casey took Alex's hand and began cleaning the wounds carefully. Olivia mouthed a "thank you" to Casey who shook her head, and continued to clean Alex's hand before covering it with Gauze and bandaging it lightly.

"I'm sorry" whispered Alex

"It's fine" Olivia said.

Casey stood "Alex, come and sit in the living room. I think we need to talk, all of us, honestly"

Alex regarded the red head and nodded, standing up. Olivia followed, knowing that this was needed.

Once they'd all got comfortable, Casey started "Alex, I know that you're struggling, and it's okay that you are. But please, let us help you"

Olivia squeezed her girlfriends hand "I love you" she said

"Not now Olivia" Alex said quietly

Olivia pulled back "What?"

"Alex, don't push us away. If you have to, push me away, but let Olivia in"

Alex shook her head "I don't deserve you Olivia"

"You keep saying that but I'm still here and I'm not going anywhere Alex. Whatever you think you deserve, I'm staying and you can push me away and end this right now. But I'll still love you, care about you and worry about you"

"Alex, you do deserve Olivia. Please, talk to us"

Alex nodded "I told you what happened with Huang" she said looking at Casey

"No, you didn't, not really"

"I told him I felt like I was letting you down, Olivia, you and Eleanor"

"What does that mean Alex? Letting Eleanor down, she hurt you, you didn't and don't owe her anything" Olivia said

"She broke me, and that's what I deserve" Alex said quietly, she had been going over this in her head since she'd spoken to Huang and the more she heard it, she knew it was ridiculous but still, she had to say it

"I told you, you're not broken. And you told me Huang said the same. And I know you know you're not" Casey said

"I know" Alex whispered "I just feel guilty"

"About what?" Olivia asked

"Loving you. Because loving you is hurting you, and it's hurting me"

"No" Olivia said, taking Alex hands in her own mindful of her sore hand "It hurts because I love you, not because you love me and I don't mind the hurt, because I want to help you and I want to love you and I'll always love you"

Alex nodded

"What else did you talk about?" Casey questions

"Nothing" Alex answers truthfully "We spent a while getting that out of me"

"It's a start Alex. When are you seeing him again?" Olivia asks

"Tomorrow" Alex says quietly

"That's good Alex, you going back"

"Yeah"

"Where did you go after? And if you say a walk and tell me you can't remember, I'm not going to be impressed Alex" Olivia warned

"I went to see Eleanor" she whispered

"What?" Casey almost jumped into the air. Eleanor was still at the morgue, she hadn't been moved to the funeral home yet, due to a muddle with release papers.

Alex sighed "I needed to say goodbye"

Casey took a deep breath "And?"

"I couldn't even get through the door" Alex says, as tears began to form, she tried to hide them but Olivia noticed, pulling her into a hug

"It's okay Alex" Olivia soothed "It's okay"

"Alex, why did you do that to your hand?" Casey asked

"I don't know" she whispered

"Like you don't know why you were digging your nails into your arm earlier?"

"What are you talking about?" Olivia asked, but stopped when she saw Casey shake her head

"I just, it felt good. Like I was letting it all go"

Casey nodded, she understood "Just don't do it again"

"I won't" Alex said but noticed the glare on Casey's face and the worry on Olivia's "seriously, I won't. It was just all the anger inside, it came out and that earlier, Case. I really didn't notice what I was doing, I was just panicking"

Casey had decided that Alex had opened up enough, that for now "Fancy take out?" she asked the two women

Olivia smiled and nodded "Yeah"

"Alex?" Casey asked

"I suppose, I could try some. I am hungry actually" Alex smiled

"Domino's pizza?" Casey asked

Alex nodded as did Olivia who answered "America's favourite"

Once Casey had disappeared into the kitchen, Alex looked at Olivia, and gave a small smile

"What?" Olivia asked, looking at the blonde

"Kiss me" she whispered, leaning into Olivia's space until their lips were an inch away from each others

Olivia gently brushed her lips across Alex's and then pulled away

"Is that all I get?" Alex said, looking a little hurt

"For now" Olivia said, "You're lips are so dry, Alex"

"So you don't want to kiss me"

"I do, but you need to drink something, I don't want to make your lips bleed if I nip at them Alex, they look so sore"

"They're fine Olivia. Kiss me" she ordered, pushing her lips to the brunettes as she wrapped her arms around her neck. Olivia moved her hands onto Alex's hips. After a deep kiss, Alex climbed into Olivia's lap, so she was straddling her waist. Their lips met again, and Olivia allowed Alex's tongue to enter as she parted her lips. The passion was evident, and Olivia couldn't help but moan as Alex placed her hands under Olivia's shirt once she had pulled it from her pants.

"Dinner should be ab...Oh, sorry" Casey started as she entered the room before ending in a mumble, trying to avert her gaze from her two friends

Alex pulled away and grinned at Casey, while Olivia blushed and turned her head

Casey smiled at the goofy grin on Alex's face, pleased to see her spirits had improved.

"We'll finish this later" Alex whispered into Olivia's ear which caused Olivia to moan in anticipation, and then blush even deeper as she noticed Casey's own embarrassment.

The take out arrived, and after eating, and small talk. Alex and Olivia decided it was time to bid Casey a goodnight and a thank you for helping and for dinner before making their way home.

**Thank you for reading this chapter. Reviews are much welcome. I might manage to get in another chapter tonight. **


	25. Closure

**A.N: Here's the next chapter :)**

**Chapter 25 - Closure**

It was late Wednesday evening; Olivia was sitting at her desk in the squad room taking a short break from questioning a potential suspect. She hadn't seen Alex since early Tuesday morning when she had had to leave due to this case. And they weren't getting anywhere with it, they had a suspect but Olivia wasn't certain he was the guy they were after, and nor was Huang.

Olivia had tried calling Alex twice earlier that day but she hadn't picked up, Casey had been in with a warrant they were after, and Olivia had asked how Alex was, knowing she would seen her at work but Casey said she hadn't seen her all day and Olivia was worried. But she just couldn't get away.

Just as Olivia was getting up to head back into the interrogation room, Alex entered the squad room. Olivia noticed her and gulped, "Alex? You look…" she was going to say awful but changed her mind "What's wrong, sweetie?"

"I'm fine Olivia" Alex snapped "I just came to say Hi"

"Okay" Olivia said, she knew Alex wasn't okay, but she wasn't going to push it right now, plus she was tired and didn't think she'd be able to keep her cool once an argument had erupted. She kissed Alex sweetly on the lips "I wish I could stop, but I've got to get back in there with Elliot"

Alex nodded "I know, when will you be home?"

"I don't know Alex. We have hardly any evidence and this guy; he doesn't feel like our guy and Huang thinks so as well. How's it going with Huang?" Olivia asked

"Well, I'll see you at home when you can get off" Alex ignored the question

"Alex? I asked how it went with Huang"

"Fine" Alex said without emotion "See you soon Liv"

Alex headed out of the squad room, and Olivia sighed, running her hand through her hair

"What's up Olivia?" Casey questioned, heading into the squad room "You look worn out"

"I am so tired. Not just of this case, but everything, with Alex. She's not letting me in at all"

"You said you haven't seen her since yesterday morning"

"She just came in here, didn't you see her? She looked awful Casey, her eyes were sunken and puffy, her lips are dry and cracked, and she's so pale. I don't think she's eating OR sleeping"

"I took the stairs. Did she say what was wrong?"

"No, she said she was fine. But she isn't and it's killing me to see her like this"

"Go, get after her Olivia. I'll cover with the captain for you"

"Thank you" Olivia said grabbing her jacket

* * *

Alex reached the street and began walking, pulling her coat around her, it was cold, but Alex was freezing. She heard "Alex" and groaned, turning around

"You said you were busy"

"I was but now I'm not. I need to talk to you"

"What about?" Alex asked feigning ignorance

"Let's get something to eat"

"I'm not hungry"

"Maybe not, but I am" Olivia said

They walked to a small diner, and Olivia ordered a chicken sandwich and side of fries, "You having anything?"

Alex shook her head, and avoided looking at Olivia

"Alex? When did you last eat?" Olivia asked

"I had lunch" Alex said looking out of the window as her food arrived at the table

"Yeah, and you had breakfast, and what about yesterday, what did you have?"

"Um" Alex said thinking

"You didn't have anything, did you? Alex, you need to eat"

"I am eating" she said taking a fry, and putting it in her mouth, she gagged as she attempted to chew it so took a mouthful of water, but heaved and spat it over the table "Sorry"

"Don't worry. Alex, what's wrong?" Olivia asked, motioning to the waitress, who nodded before coming over

They sat in silence while the table was wiped, and then Olivia took Alex's hand in her own, rubbing her thumb over the back of it

"Sorry" Alex said again, and Olivia scooted closer

"Hey. Stop apologising. You don't need to, just talk to me. How's it going with Huang?"

"Its okay" Alex said "We're able to get something out of the sessions. Today, was a good day"

"So why do you look like you haven't eaten, or slept, or done anything for two days? You aren't eating or sleeping are you?"

Alex shook her head "Food makes me sick, and I just can't sleep without you holding me"

"Oh Alex I'm sorry, I hate that I can't get home"

"You've got to work Olivia"

"I know, but doesn't mean I like it"

"I'm okay though Olivia, I promise" Alex said leaning into Olivia, and attempting to drink some water, she managed to mouthfuls before she started coughing; she winced as she finished coughing

"Alex? You're hurt" Olivia said, she saw the look of pain on her girlfriends face.

"No, it just hurts when I cough. I've been throwing up a lot"

"Any ideas as to why? You have a bug, maybe"

"Maybe. You better get back to work Olivia"

"Nah, they can manage without me. It's gone 7. I'll text Cragen. Let's go home. The car's just around the corner; I couldn't get into the garages this morning"

"They've been fixing a drain or something" Alex explained "Huang couldn't park earlier"

"Is this sickness thing, been the reason you didn't go to work today?"

"Yeah, I didn't feel good at all this morning" Alex said as they approached Olivia's car. Getting in, Olivia sent a text to Cragen, telling him that Alex needed her and she'd be in tomorrow.

They made small talk about the case on the way home, mainly because Olivia didn't think the heavy stuff should be for car journey's, especially after what happened a few months back when she and Elliot had gotten into an argument.

When they arrived home, Olivia let them into the apartment, picking up the mail that had arrived, probably earlier that morning.

She tossed it onto the kitchen counter, and told Alex, she'd be five minutes, as she needed to use the toilet.

Alex opened the mail, picking up the letter in the first one, she read

"Just to say Sorry, El"

And dropped it, her breathing grew heavy and her eyes clouded, as she lost balance

Olivia came out of the bathroom, and when she saw Alex, shaking and crying, she noticed the note, pulling out two tickets to "Jersey boys" from the envelope

She frowned, and sat beside her "What's wrong Alex?"

"El" she said "Its Ellie"

Olivia hugged Alex, "El is Elliot"

"What?" Alex said, looking at Olivia

"The note. It's from Elliot. There are theatre tickets, two of them"

"I thought. It's stupid, she's dead Olivia, yet…I"

"It's okay Alex, it's understandable, and you're still on edge, still recovering"

"I guess"

"Come on, let's try and sleep" Olivia said, grabbing her Pyjamas

"It's only 8pm, Olivia"

"Yes. And you haven't slept in two days and nor have I really. So, let's sleep now. I'm here until the morning, so you can sleep"

They changed into their pyjamas and climbed into the bed, Olivia held Alex, and stroked her hair. Within ten minutes both were asleep, wrapped in each other's embrace.

* * *

"Hey baby" Olivia said, as she opened her eyes to see Alex sitting on the bed, she gave a small smile that immediately caused Olivia concern, it was the smile Alex gave when she was struggling to stay calm, to not cry, to block everything out "You okay?"

Alex shook her head as a lone tear made her way down her cheek. "I need to talk to Huang"

"You're seeing him today aren't you?"

"Yeah"

"Do you want to talk to me?"

Alex shook her head and Olivia sighed, she wished Alex would open up. "I don't want to, but I need to"

Olivia gave a small smile "I'm listening. Alex, anything you say won't make me love you any less, I won't judge you, force you to elaborate. I'll just listen, I might answer something's and I might get upset, but I love you and nothing will change that"

"It's…I want to go to Eleanor's funeral tomorrow"

"Okay" Olivia said, not sure if it was a good idea but not wanting to shoot Alex down

"I know you don't think I should, but I need to go, to end this, get closure. I think it will help. I've been avoiding eating because every time I thought about Eleanor, I've thrown up and without food in me, I have nothing to vomit"

"You need to eat, you're body is weak, it needs fuel"

"I know, and I want to eat, I just hate being sick"

"So, you want to talk to Huang?"

"I want to see what he thinks about me going"

"Have you been thinking about this for a while?"

"Yeah, since I went to see her at the morgue. That's why I went then, but maybe that was a bit much. This will be final thing, you know"

"I didn't think it would be a good idea, but the way you are thinking, it seems like it would help"

"I think so" Alex said, "I'm going to shower, and then head off"

"I'll cook breakfast while you're showering"

"Thanks" Alex said, as she went into the bathroom, she didn't want to argue, but didn't think she'd hold the food in.

And she didn't. Olivia had done simple toast, but Alex had vomited it before she'd even left the apartment. Olivia drove her to the precinct, knowing today would be busy.

* * *

Alex, Olivia and Casey sat at the back of the church. Olivia was holding Alex's hand, and Alex was staring at the casket in which they all knew Eleanor was lying motionless. Casey was sitting beside Olivia, her own set of thoughts in her head. The service was simple, Olivia hadn't really been listening, and she was more intent on making sure Alex was okay. But she couldn't tell. The expression she had been holding was emotionless. Casey had cried when Eleanor's mother had spoken, and when her little sister had read a poem she'd written. For Casey, this was difficult, because Eleanor had been her best friend, and she had been close to the family for years, yet they had refused to talk to her since she had been arrested. They had allowed the women to the service, telling them to sit at the back, and not to talk and to leave before the burial. Alex had wanted to stay, but Olivia had told her, it would be better not to and that they'd return afterwards.

"May you rest in peace"

They had visited the grave; Casey had placed a lone daffodil onto the casket, one of Eleanor's favourite flowers. Alex had thrown a handful of dirt, and said a silent prayer, while Olivia just wished to spit on it, but knew she couldn't. She needed to be calm for Alex and for Casey.

* * *

Later that afternoon, they were at Olivia's apartment. Olivia decided to approach the subject of thanksgiving. "I want to talk about thanksgiving"

"What about it?" Alex asked

"I want to go to Elliot's"

"Oh" Alex said

"No, I want us to have thanksgiving here, me, you two and Abs. But I want to go to Elliot's in the evening, on my own"

"Okay" Alex said, Casey excused herself and headed into the kitchen

"Alex, I've been over there every thanksgiving since I've known Elliot, it's just something I need to do. Because I intend on spending every thanksgiving after with you, and you alone and then when we have a family, I want it to be us, our tradition, as a family"

Alex gasped "Liv"

"Oh, that just came out wrong. You might not want…oh, I get it"

"No. Olivia I do want it. I just didn't expect you to say it and not now, after today"

"I'm sorry, it was the wrong time. It is the wrong time. Forget I said it"

"No, I won't. We'll talk about it soon okay?"

Olivia nodded "Casey, you can come back in here. You didn't need to leave" she called out to the redhead

"I did. Is everything okay?" Casey asked entering the room

"It's fine" Olivia started but Alex cut in

"It's perfect"

**Okay, as the title said, this chapter was closure. The next chapter is thanksgiving! It's going to be a fun chapter, I promise, lots of Alex and Olivia, and Casey and Abbie and some humour with Elliot and Kathy and the kids :) Let's lighten this up, baby!**


	26. Thanksgiving

**A.N: I had planned to post this yesterday but I was just so busy, and I ended up falling asleep before I even switched the laptop on. Anyhow, this chapter is thanksgiving**

Chapter 26 - Thanksgiving

The next few days passed without much incident. Alex was much happier, she went to see Huang every day and the sessions were productive and helpful, and afterwards Alex would go and say Hi to Liv if she was in the precinct or if she was out, Alex would leave her a note at her desk, or a text, or voicemail to tell her that things were okay.

Yesterday Olivia and Alex went to the theatre, courtesy of Elliot and had a really good time. They vowed to make their dates a regular occurrence, and spend as much time doing those things as they could.

It was now 11am on Thanksgiving Day, the turkey was in the oven and the vegetables had been peeled and were in the pot ready to cook. Alex was in the shower, while Olivia was tidying a few things away.

"Olivia, it's spotless. Abbie and Casey don't care about a few random books lying about, or paperwork, its fine" Alex said, as she exited the bathroom, and saw Olivia trying to tidy up

"But these books and papers were here 4 days ago; it looks like we don't do anything"

"Oh, but we do. We do a lot of things, on the sofa, the kitchen table, our bed" Alex winked

Olivia blushed before turning around to see Alex leaning against the counter, wearing dark jeans and a beige cotton shirt that was slightly see through, and Olivia knew Alex wasn't wearing a bra, her hair was pulled loosely into a ponytail and she had a smidge of lip gloss on her pale pink lips.

"Alex, you look…" she said "beautiful"

"Thank you, you look pretty hot yourself Benson" she said huskily

Olivia was just staring at Alex's chest, her insides twisting, and her lower regions building desire and arousal.

"See something you like?

"Yes, I do" Olivia whispered, placing her hands on Alex's breasts, giving them a light squeeze through the fabric as she captured the blonde's lips hungrily, pushing her against the counter.

She lifted Alex onto the work surface, and pushed her back gently as she lifted her shirt and began placing feather light kisses on Alex's stomach, causing Alex to moan softly at the contact.

Then there was a loud knock on the door, Olivia ignored it, continuing to kiss Alex's skin, as her hands travelled further under the shirt "Olivia" Alex whispered "The door"

Olivia mumbled incoherently, as her fingers reached Alex's breasts "Liv" Alex moaned trying to be quiet, knowing who was on the other side of the door as the knock became persistent.

"I want you Alex" Olivia said bighting down on Alex's neck, ignoring the door

"I want you too but we need to let Abbie and Casey in" Alex said "Ohhhhhh, Liv. My god" she said rather loudly as Olivia cupped Alex's sex through her jeans, applying pressure

"We'll break the door down if you don't let us in!" came the loud and rather annoyed voice of Abbie

"One min…oh. Liv" Alex started before groaning and trying to sit up, as Olivia started rubbing her thigh between Alex's legs

"Oh my god!" Casey exclaimed "Stop having sex and let us in, and make sure your decent first"

"Shit" Olivia groaned, finally coming to her senses and realising that they have visitors

Alex straightened herself out as Olivia went to open the door. Casey and Abbie were both red in the face with embarrassment, neither fully believing what they heard but when they saw Alex trying to look like she hadn't been in the middle of something rather steamy it couldn't have been anything else.

Olivia hugged her friends and told them to make themselves at home, as she went into the kitchen to check the meat in the oven

"Sorry we disturbed you Alex" Abbie said grinning, while Casey nudged her girlfriend, noticing the blush on Alex's cheeks

"Olivia can't seem to control herself this morning" Alex said chuckling

"Neither would you if you're girlfriend was as beautiful as you, you look good enough to eat Alex, and I bet you'll taste just as good" Olivia said entering the living room grinning

"Olivia!" Alex exclaimed "We have guests"

Abbie roared with laughter, while Casey just buried her head in her hands before asking "Where's your desk Alex?"

Abbie laughed even louder as both Alex and Olivia blushed "In the bedroom" Alex said

"I thought it stirred a lot of fantasies for you Olivia" Casey said as Olivia sat in the armchair pulling Alex into her lap

"That's why it's in the bedroom" Olivia winked, as Alex gave her a stern look "Oh bite me, Alex"

Abbie was in fits of laughter at this point and Casey had joined in watching her two friends exchange the saucy banter

"So have you decided what you two are doing for Christmas?" Casey asks a few moments later trying to change the subject

Alex shakes her head but Olivia answers "I know what or should I say who I'm doing"

Alex groans "Olivia. Can we just have a slightly less explicit conversation? Are we spending Christmas together?"

Olivia shrugs "Only if you want to. What do you usually do?"

"It depends, sometimes I go to my Mother's, and sometimes I stay at home"

"Want to spend it with me?"

"I'd love to" Alex answers, kissing Olivia quickly before the brunette can deepen it.

"You two are so cute" Abbie notes and Casey smiles at her girlfriend, in agreement. She is loving seeing them happy, being sweet with each other. She has noticed the change in Alex the last few days and is relieved that her friend has begun to move on. She knows things aren't perfect but she has faith that it will all turn out just fine.

Olivia excuses herself to check on the meal she has prepared, and begins to lay the table "Can I do anything to help?" Alex asks wrapping her arms around Olivia's waist from behind

"Nah baby, you go and relax with Case and Abs, dinner's nearly done"

Alex kisses her gently on the cheek, and playfully slaps the brunette's bottom, grinning.

"You two are like a pair of fucking rabbits" Abbie retorts watching the playful banter between the two lovers

"We are fucking Abbie" Olivia calls from the kitchen

"Oh my god, Olivia, can you please tone it down? You're getting me all worked up in front of our friends!" Alex says burying her head in her hands as she sits down on the couch next to Casey

Casey wraps her arm around her friend "It's good to see you laughing Alex"

"It's good to laugh too Casey" Alex grins

Olivia brings the meals out, as they take their seats at the table. Olivia pours some wine for them all

"So Casey, tell us how you and Abbie actually got together then" Olivia asks

"Well, it's like this" she begins smiling at her girlfriend. "After I nearly fucked up any chance of this happening, I went to Abbie's office; you know I told you about it. Well, Abbie called me afterwards and asked me out on a date, we went ice skating"

"That's original" Alex said rolling her eyes

"Well, it was perfect. Case kept falling over, so I held onto her, and we skated for ages until I let go of her and she crashed into the barrier" Abbie laughed loudly

Casey nudged her "Well, you were so concerned, you came after me and fell on that cute little butt of yours"

Olivia laughed "I wish I was there"

"Me too, I bet it was priceless" Alex said, smiling as she imagined the whole situation "And you're even was pretty special wasn't it?"

"Yeah, as was yours" Casey smirked

"Yeah, it was" Olivia smiled

"But the next morning was just as good eh Olivia?" Alex said, looking adoringly at her girlfriend

"Yeah" Olivia whispered

"Which is a shame for Casey, seeing as she had to deal with her needs herself the next day at work" Alex said, earning a glare from the redhead

"What is she talking about Case?" Abbie asked

Alex laughed at Casey's red face which was almost the same shade as her hair

"Yeah, do tell" Olivia said, in question

"I caught her trying to get herself off in her office" Alex informed them as Casey hung her head

"And I would of if you hadn't of interrupted!" she complained

Abbie roared with laughter "Oh Casey, baby"

Olivia cleared the plates away as they made their way to the living room. "What time are you going to Elliot's?" Alex asked Olivia

"Um, about 5ish" she replied "I'll only be a few hours"

Alex nodded, she was annoyed that Olivia wanted to go but she did understand and was secretly planning a romantic evening for her to come back to.

The quartet spent the next couple of hours talking about work, past mistakes, telling stories, and random facts about themselves. Before they knew it, it was nearly 4pm. Casey and Abbie excused themselves, knowing that Olivia needed to get ready, and that Alex had plans to set into action. After hugs had been given, Casey and Abbie said their goodbyes and headed off to Casey's apartment.

* * *

Olivia knocked on the hard wooden door of the Stabler House. Taking a breath, it opened to reveal Kathy smiling at the brunette "Hey Olivia. I am so glad you could make it"

"Thank you for still welcoming me after I bailed on dinner"

"It's fine Olivia. Elliot may have been pissed but you have Alex now"

"I just feel bad because I've been coming for years" Olivia said as she entered the kitchen

"Hey Liv" Elliot said bounding over and giving her a gentle squeeze "How's Alex?"

"She's good, thanks Elliot. I forgot to thank you for the theatre tickets, we had a great evening, but next time, don't sign things "El", you freaked Alex out"

"Why?" he asked, furrowing his brows "Oh, Eleanor"

"Yeah, a lot of people called her El as well"

"I'm sorry, Liv. I didn't realise"

"Hey Olivia" Kathleen Stabler, the eldest child of Kathy and Elliot said as she came into the kitchen followed by Maureen

"Hey girls" Olivia smiled bringing them in for a tight hug

"We missed you at dinner; did you have a good time?" Kathleen asked

"Yes thanks" Olivia said chuckling as she remembered the afternoon events

"What's funny Liv?" Elliot asked seeing his partner laugh

"It was a fun afternoon is all" she said not wanting to go into discussions with Elliot or in front of his family

Kathy brought the dishes to the table; there were plates of sandwiches, salad, and a selection of savoury dishes such as pastries, crisps and cheesy biscuits.

They made small talk while eating, Olivia asked the girls how school was, they shared a few stories about friends and when they'd eaten, the girls excused themselves to their rooms.

"So Olivia, what are your plans for Christmas?" Kathy asked

"I'm spending it with Alex. Just the two of us"

"That's nice. It seems you two are really in love"

"We are. I love her more than anything in the world. It's been a hard start to the relationship but it's made it stronger in my opinion"

"Olivia, I really am sorry about the way I acted when I found out, and everything onwards. I have seen how tight you two are and how much she loves you" Elliot said sincerely

"Thanks, that means a lot to me El. I've forgiven you, I did after a few days, we've known each other for so long. Why spoil it by holding grudges?"

"Thanks. I know Alex isn't all that keen on me Olivia. But I promise to make it up t you both"

"Alex is fine, Elliot. She doesn't hold grudges either, but it just takes her a bit of time to forget. She likes you Elliot, you know that. Just don't take it personally when she gets annoyed with you, you can be a bit of a div sometimes"

Kathy laughed at this assessment, and nodded "Oh yeah. He can"

Elliot shot her a glare, before smiling.

Olivia made a move, explaining that she promised Alex she wouldn't be very long. She thanked Kathy and Elliot for her company before calling out her goodbyes to the girls.

Olivia text Alex before she got in the car

_"Just left. Will b home soon, love u. Liv x"_

And received a reply almost immediately

_"Love you too. See you when you get home. Love Alex xx"_

**Review Review Review, Alex and Olivia are asking too. (and me of course) There'll only be a few more chapters of this one. I'm hoping to round it off with their first Christmas together, so that's something to look forward to. Next chapter though, is the date that Alex has planned. It's gonna be mushiness overload! **


	27. Dreamland

**A.N: To make ammends for the lack of postage yesterday, you get the next chapter a little early.**

**Chapter 27 - Dreamland**

Alex is sitting on the couch, she's finally stopped pacing, and she's sipping a glass of wine, trying to calm her nerves. _"It's just a date Alex. You've had dates before; it's all going to be fine. You've spent the last 3 hours sorting this out; you've been planning for days. The music's on, the candles are lit, the rug is laid out on the floor, the nibbles are ready to eat, the bed is made, covered in petals and everything will be fine"_ she tries to calm herself down in her head

She hears the key in the lock, placing the glass on the table, she stands out of sight as Olivia enters "Alex?" she asks, gasping at the flicker of candlelight around the room

Alex steps out behind Olivia, wrapping her arms around the brunette and whispering "I'm here baby" before placing feather light kisses behind Olivia's ear, trailing her neck, as she turns the brunette to face her. Capturing her girlfriends lips, Alex unzips Olivia's jacket and slips it down her shoulders. Olivia moans into the kiss as she places her hands on Alex's stomach, finally realising what Alex is wearing.

"Al" she says as she pulls away, looking at her girlfriend who is wearing a light pink silk robe, tied at the front "Please tell me you're not naked under that"

"I'm not naked" she chuckles "but I will be later"

Olivia leans to claim the blonde's lips, in a sweet and gentle kiss that conveys all the love she feels for the blonde. "What's all this for?" she asks as she pulls away slowly

"I want to show you how much I love you, Olivia Benson. I want tonight to be about us"

Olivia feels her eyes filling with tears as she recaptures Alex's lips. "I love you too"

Alex leads Olivia to the middle of the floor "Dance with me" she orders, changing songs with the remote. She places her hands on Olivia's hips, resting her head on her girlfriends shoulder as the song begins to play

_Baby you don't know what you do to me._  
_Between me and you, I feel a chemistry._  
_Won't let no-one come and take your place._  
_Cause the love you give can't be replaced._  
_See no one else love me like you do._  
_That's why I don't mind to spend my life with you._  
_Wanna please you in any way I can._  
_Wanna share my world don't you understand._

_Your love is a one in a million it goes on and on and on_  
_you give me a really good feeling all day long._  
_Your love is a one in a million it goes on and on and on_  
_you give me a really good feeling all day long._

_Turn me inside out make my heart speak._  
_Don't want no-one else you are all I need._  
_Personality (ty) in everything you do (do)_  
_Makes me love everything 'bout you._  
_Your smile your style so fly I can't deny_  
_I got a crush on you and that's true indeed._  
_I'm digging you, your making me believe._

Olivia can feel the tears escaping her eyes as she allows herself to be swayed gently by Alex's embrace. The song is gentle and calm, and it brings such emotion to Olivia's heart that she is thankful that Alex is holding her upright. As the music ends, Alex looks at her girlfriend, and gently kisses her lips, wiping the tears away.

"I love you with everything I have Olivia, never forget that, ever" she whispers, leading her girlfriend carefully to the rug that she had laid out earlier.

"Oh Alex" Olivia chokes out "I love you too"

Alex pulls Olivia down onto the floor, sitting beside her, as she takes a strawberry from the container they were in, and offers it to the brunette who takes it between her teeth and bites it down to the stalk, before picking one herself and allowing Alex to do the same. They eat the strawberries in this way, every now and then Alex kisses Olivia's lips 'to clean them of strawberry juice'.

Olivia pulls Alex into her, kissing her cheek "You really are amazing, you know that Al?"

"I think I've heard you tell me that before" she smiles

"But do you know it? You are the most amazing woman I have ever laid eyes on. You are beautiful, you are smart, kind, passionate, you have a huge heart, a warm soul, you're eyes are an open book and I lose myself in them when I look at you. You, Alex Cabot, are nothing short of perfect"

Alex fights the urge to cry, hearing those words from Olivia stirs so much inside her, she feels like she might break with the love. "I love you" she whispers, her voice cracking slightly

They lay for a long time, in each other's embrace, the warmth of their bodies comforting the other.

The music in the background is soft and romantic, and Olivia recognises it as Frank Schubert "Is this Serenade?" she asks the blonde who nods and leans in to capture Olivia's lips. She pulls away, and stands, holding out her hands for Olivia to take. She leads her towards the bedroom, Olivia gasps at the petal covered floor, and the red rose laying across her pillow. Alex picks up the rose, and puts it between her teeth before undoing her robe, revealing a pale pink lace bra and matching panties.

Olivia feels her arousal build, and pulls of her shirt, and unzips her pants before Alex takes the waist band "Let me" she whispers pulling them downwards over Olivia's hips. When Olivia is in her underwear, a simple black bra and shorts, Alex pushes her gently onto the bed, handing her the rose, which Olivia snifs and places back on the pillow, just as Alex is devouring her exposed skin in light kisses, every now and then nipping at the skin, not enough to hurt or leave marks but so that Olivia can feel it, and feel her wetness deepen

"I need you" Olivia whispers, as Alex reaches around to unclasp the brunette's bra as she swings her leg around to straddle the brunette. Alex takes Olivia's right nipple in her mouth, tracing it with her tongue before sucking gently and then more forcefully "Al"

"Mmm?" Alex mumbles biting gently and kisses the skin of Olivia's breast

"You make me feel so good"

Alex lifts her head, looking at the brunette who is sweaty and needy for her love. She places a gentle kiss on Olivia's collarbone before taking the left breast and flicking her tongue over the nipple.

"Alex, please" Olivia rasps out, Alex smiles, she loves hearing her lover beg

"Tell me, tell me what you want" she whispers huskily

"You. I want you, touch me"

Alex complies tugging at Olivia's shorts, removing them before placing her hands on Olivia's thighs, gently prising them apart. She places floaty kisses along the skin, as she inhales the scent of Olivia's arousal, feeling her own pull between her legs. She traces Olivia's vaginal lips with her index finger, gently teasing the opening, causing Olivia to buck her hips

"Alex, stop teasing" Olivia chastened

Alex smiled as she kissed the mound of curls above Olivia's opening, before swiping her tongue along the length of her lips

""Oh, Alex"

Alex took the pebbled size bundle of nerves between her teeth and tugged gently, then slipping one finger inside she sucked gently, as Olivia squirmed in pleasure. Alex inserted another finger, gently sliding in and out with a slow rhythm

Olivia gasped at the contact as Alex curled her fingers to find the spot that always left Olivia on the edge. She removed her mouth from the brunettes centre and she sped up the thrusts. With her free hand she pressed hard on Olivia's clit, as the brunette bucked her hips wildly, and then her whole body shook with the force of her orgasm, slowly Alex died down her thrusts, and giggled when she heard Olivia exclaim "Jesus Alex. You are so good at that!"

"Why thank you" Alex said, sliding up to capture Olivia's lips

"You make me come quicker than I ever have before. I swear you must be a witch or something, cause you have supernatural fingers"

Alex laughed "I've never heard supernatural before in that context. Magic fingers yes, but not supernatural" she said as she unhooked her bra and removed it secretly

"Well, when my amazing, lawyer of a girlfriend who speaks so eloquently has just done that to me, I can't just be simple and say magic" Olivia rambles as Alex removes her panties

"Shut up, and touch me Olivia. You've had all the pleasure"

Olivia looked down at her girlfriend finally realising that Alex is now completely naked "Sorry" she whispers, her hands cupping Alex's sex, twirling blonde curls between her fingers "The pleasure wasn't all mine I see" she whispers, smelling the scent of her girlfriends arousal "You're so wet"

Olivia easily slides a finger into Alex who mumbles something incoherent as Olivia adds another, thrusting quickly "Shit! Fuck, Oh my goodness. That…oh" she manages and Olivia laughs

"Well, you are usually eloquent"

"Be quiet. I'm gonna…" Alex groans as Olivia slides down to lick the blondes clit, making swirls around it before sucking as Alex screams "I'm…Oh, Oliviaaaaaaaaa!", her hips jerk skywards as she releases her sticky liquid over the brunette's chin

Alex trembles with the sheer force of the climax, her breathing fast and heavy. Her eyes are still closed as she tries to bring herself down. Olivia settles beside her, stroking her cheek "Alex, honey. Open your eyes"

Alex opens her eyes slowly, her breathing calming as she turns and captures Olivia's lips with her own.

"WOW" she whispers

"Yeah, I say" Olivia answers

"I love you"

"I love you too Alex. So much"

"You're amazing"

"No baby, you are amazing. Thank you for tonight"

"It was my pleasure" Alex smiles

"It certainly was" Olivia grins, as Alex smacks her shoulder. Alex snuggles into Olivia's chest, listening to her heat beat in rhythm.

"Olivia?"

"Mmm?"

"Did you mean what you said earlier?"

"What did I say? Remind me. You make me lose my mind I can't even think straight" Olivia laughs

"When we were sitting on the rug, you said I was nothing short of perfect. Did you mean it?"

"Alex?" Olivia asks, raising an eyebrow "Of course I did. I never say what I don't mean. You are perfect"

"But I'm not"

"You are to me. You are all I could ask for, all I ever wanted, all I ever need"

"Really?"

"Yes. Alex, trust me. I love you. Where's this coming from?"

"I just, you're something special Olivia, and I could never be what you are to me"

"You are more than me, you complete me. I love you, so much. Never ever think that you aren't enough, that I need something else. I don't. I have you"

"Do you want children?" Alex almost whispers

Olivia sits herself up, patting the space beside her so that Alex will copy the movement. When they are leaning against the headboard, Olivia takes a deep breath "I always wanted kids, but my job doesn't require me to be home enough. I tried to a adopt once, I was turned down"

"I want children too"

"You do?"

"Yes, and I want them with you" Alex says seriously

"I can't give you…" Olivia starts

"Shh, don't finish that sentence"

"I'm old" Olivia says

Alex takes Olivia's hand in her own "No, you're not. You're experienced, you've lived Olivia, and you are still living. You are not old, just seasoned"

Olivia chuckles "Thanks"

"I mean it Olivia. I love you, and I want your babies"

"What?" Olivia says, looking at her girlfriend questionably

"I want to carry your child"

"You mean, use my eggs"

"Yes. Olivia, I want to feel a part of you, in me, and give life to a part of you"

"I…oh…wow" Olivia manages, tears brimming her eyelids

"Not right now, but in a while, maybe mid next year we can discuss it again, maybe we can look into it"

"I'd love to" Olivia says, kissing Alex deeply "Now, I'm really sleepy"

Alex yawns and then laughs "Me too"

"You got to work in the morning?" Olivia asks Alex

"Yeah" Alex says sleepily, resting her head on Olivia

"I'm going shopping for your Christmas present" Olivia says quietly

"I love .." Alex says, but is unable to finish that sentence as sleeps consumes her. Olivia sighs, and smiles, closing her own eyes, and joining her lover in dreamland.

**Song is 'One in a million" by Aaliyah. Please review.**


	28. A Christmas Undone

**A.N: This is the last chapter guys. I was planning on having a filler chapter between Thanksgiving and Christmas but I wanted you to have your own ideas about what happened between that time. I want to thank all of you for the reviews, and special thanks to IBME, peterpeter, Bkwrmchar, and dragonspirit for the continuous supoort and reviews on each chapter. **

**Chapter 28 - A Christmas Undone**

"Merry Christmas Baby" Olivia whispers into the blonde's ear, at exactly 7am on a cold snowy Christmas morning

"Mmm, too early" Alex grumbles, turning over and snuggling further into the duvet

"But it's snowing, baby" Olivia says as she leans over the blonde, blowing cold air onto her cheek

"5 more minutes Olivia" Alex mumbles

Olivia sighs, Alex is never a morning person, but she had hoped that just this morning they could break that habit and actually have breakfast and spend some time together. It is Christmas day after all, and neither of them is scheduled to work, today or tomorrow. Olivia is quietly thankful that Alex hasn't woken, screamed at her to stop touching her and ran off to the bathroom, which happened a couple of days ago.

Olivia gets up, pulling the duvet harshly from the blonde who promptly grabs it back "It's cold Olivia" she grumbles as the brunette exits the bedroom and heads to the kitchen to start breakfast. Olivia busies herself but her mind is on Alex, and the fact that she is always so tired yet never wants to wake in the morning. She swears she has woken in the night, and Alex has been awake more times than she can remember but always seems to be annoyed to be woken. She wonders if her girlfriend has been sleeping properly.

Almost 10 minutes later, Olivia is plating up scrambled egg on toast for herself and Alex, when the blonde sneaks into the kitchen, wrapping her arms around Olivia's waist "Merry Christmas, Liv. Sorry I was such a grouch"

"Yeah, me too" Olivia says, she wants it to be a great day, but Alex has woken up in the same mood for the last week and a half, and Olivia hasn't managed to get to the bottom of the problem. Alex has been distant, and stayed at Casey's a few nights ago, claiming that she was sick and didn't want to give it to Olivia, but the next day had seemed right as rain and claimed it to be a 24 hour thing.

Alex manages to eat half of her toast and a few mouthfuls of scrambled egg before declaring herself full, "You've hardly touched it Alex" Olivia says, raising an eyebrow

"I'm full but you can finish it Liv. I'm gonna shower quickly"

"Give me a minute and I'll join you" Olivia says winking

"Not this morning Olivia, you finish eating. I won't be long" Alex says standing up and heading to the bathroom.

Olivia hears the lock click, and sighs, she can feel herself tearing up, and tries to stop the emotion but is unsuccessful, she wishes Alex would open up, she needs to find out what is wrong.

She grabs her phone and decides to call Casey "Merry Christmas Casey"

"Hey Olivia, Merry Christmas to you too" she replies before calling "Merry Christmas Alex!"

"Alex isn't here" Olivia says

"What? What do you mean, not there?"

"She's in the shower"

"Oh, you frightened me there Olivia"

"Yeah" Olivia says quietly

"What's up Liv? You don't sound as happy as you should do on Christmas morning, everything okay?"

"I don't know Case. I'm worried about Alex"

"Why? What's happened?"

"Nothing really, I don't know Casey. She's been really shirty with me lately, this last week, she wakes in such a foul mood, she won't let me shower with her, she won't touch me, or let me touch her. We haven't made love in over a week Case. It's just strange, she's so distant and when I ask her what's up, she snaps at me"

"Look Olivia. Alex will talk to you, when she is ready"

"You know something, don't you?"

"No I don't. I've noticed she's been really off at work as well, but she won't talk to me either. I'm sure she's fine, Olivia. Work has been busy and I know she's been tired, I've noticed her yawning through trials and she drinks coffee like it's water"

"Yeah, I've noticed. Maybe she just needs some rest. I'm sorry for calling you. Say Hi to Abbie for me. Have a great time and I'll see you when you get back. How is DC?"

"It's really good. I'm having a great time. Abbie's still asleep, but she won't be for long"

"I'm glad you're having fun. See you soon, Casey" Olivia says, cutting off the call.

Nearly half an hour later, Alex emerges from the bathroom, fully clothed, in jeans and a red sweater.

She leans over the table and kisses Olivia gently on the lips "I'm sorry" she says

"It's okay Alex. You'd talk to me if something was wrong, wouldn't you?"

Alex nodded, before noticing the redness around her girlfriend's eyes "You've been crying"

"I'm okay Alex. Come on, let's go open presents"

"Aren't you gonna change Olivia?"

"Nah, I can't wait to give these to you" Olivia says, sitting cross legged on the floor in front of the tree. Olivia had insisted on having a tree, and although Alex wasn't overly bothered, had complied with the brunette's wishes

Alex sat beside her girlfriend, and reached out to pick up a small square shaped present "Here you go Olivia"

Olivia eagerly unwrapped the first gift, and noticed a flat velvet box, opening it, she gasped "Oh Alex, it's perfect" she whispered, holding up a white gold chain with a small heart shaped diamond dangling from the bottom "Put it on me"

Alex hung it around the brunette's neck, clasping it at the back, before kissing Olivia on the cheek

"Here's yours" Olivia said handing a tiny present to the blonde who promptly tore the paper

"Oh Olivia" Alex breathed, as she opened the small box to reveal a simple yet elegant white gold ring, with a princess diamond in the centre, enclosed with petals, to make a rose.

"Do you like it?" Olivia asked shyly

"I love it" Alex said tearfully

"It's engraved" Olivia added, as Alex took it from the box, reading 'always yours, Liv'

This caused Alex to lose her resolve, as tears cascaded down her cheeks. Olivia pulled her into a hug and squeezed tightly "I love you Alex" she whispered

"I love you too" Alex choked out, pulling back. She wiped her tears, before picking up a larger present

Olivia opened it to reveal a red silk camisole and matching briefs, she smiled "I can't wait to wear these later"

Alex turned her head away at Olivia's words, silently cursing herself before returning to look at the brunette who had picked up another present "And I can't wait to take this off you"

Alex shivered at Olivia's words, as she opened the box to reveal a pale blue baby doll. "This is beautiful" Alex said, she loved the colour and style of the lingerie, even though she was a little apprehensive.

"Something beautiful for my beautiful girlfriend" Olivia whispered, pulling Alex in for a hug. She felt Alex tense in her arms and sighed

"Alex. Talk to me"

"I can't" Alex said, knowing what her girlfriend was talking about

"It's me, Alex. I just need to know why you're like this, why won't you let me hold you, why do you not want me to shower with you, kiss you, love you. I miss you, and quite frankly, it scares me to death. I'm worried about you"

"Don't be Olivia. I'm fine"

"But you're not"

"I am perfectly fine Olivia. Please, stop going on about it"

"I can't help it, I love you"

"I love you too, but there's nothing wrong. I swear" Alex says, trying to convince herself.

"Alex, talk to me now! You are not okay, things are not fine. You are being so weird"

"I'm being weird am I? Gee, thanks Olivia" Alex said standing up and grabbing her purse

"Where are you going?"

"Out"

"Don't go Alex. It's Christmas Day. I'm sorry. I won't talk about it anymore. I swear, just don't leave" Olivia begs, her eyes brimming with tears

"I just need some space" Alex says opening the door

"At least put a coat on Alex. You'll freeze to death"

"Whatever" Alex says. She slams the door leaving Olivia staring after her.

Olivia grabs her jacket and Alex's and hurries after the blonde.

Alex hurries out of the apartment, running down the street.

Olivia comes from the apartment, but Alex is nowhere in sight. She calls out "Alex" but hears no answer, looking both ways. Sighing, knowing that Alex is long gone, she heads back into her apartment, hoping the blonde returns soon

"Alex. It's me. Listen baby, I'm sorry. Please come home, don't let me ruin our first Christmas together. I love you, so much. Just come home" Olivia says, sobbing into the phone as she reaches Alex's voicemail.

* * *

"Alex!" Abbie exclaims staring at the blonde standing on her parents doorstep in DC.

"I'm s-sorry. C..can I talk t..to Casey?" Alex manages through chattering teeth and fresh tears

Abbie nods, pulling Alex into the house. "You're freezing Alex"

"Abbie, can you please tell whoever it is to go away. You're missing the movie!" Casey exclaims striding into the hall "Alex?!"

"I…" Alex manages before sinking to her knees. She's totally worn out from the emotions she's feeling and the cold, as well as not having eaten since that morning.

"Jesus" Casey exclaims, wrapping her arms around her friend "What happened?"

"I'll get some dry clothes and blankets" Abbie offers heading to the closet

"What's the matter, Abigail" Mrs Carmichael asks

"Our friend Alex just turned up. She's freezing" Abbie explains

"I'll notch the heating up" Her father offers

Abbie returns to the hall, as Casey is helping Alex to stand. Shakily she makes her way up the stairs to Abbie's old room, Casey propping her up and Abbie following

Once in the bedroom, Casey begins to help Alex undress, Alex is so cold and drained, she can barely keep herself awake, as Casey lifts her t-shirt over her head "Jesus! Oh my goodness, Alex?!" she exclaims

**I'm ending on a cliffhanger! Which means, if you want to know what happens next or what has happened to Alex, you got to read the sequel which I am hoping, I can get up this evening, or early tomorrow. Thanks again, and I hope to have your input in the sequel. Please review!**


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